Know Your Stars: Twilight Series
by Ghosts in the Snow
Summary: A know your stars type story. If you've ever wondered what the characters of the Twilight series wouldn't EVER do, look no further. WARNING: Sever OOCness, sever character bashing, and totally awkward WTF moments inside!
1. The Edward SpellCheck User

A/N: You will know the whole 'know your stars' thing from the Nickelodean Show called "All That"

Disclaimer: Do we _look_ like Stephenie Meyer to you? Nope. We aren't.  
CO-WRITTEN BY ASH (KingdomMewFruits)  
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Today's vic- err... _star_ is... EDWARD!  
Edward: Let's just get this over with...  
Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars... Edward Cullen... only pretends to like Bella...  
Edward: NOT TRUE! Bella, I lovee you!!  
Bella: Yay!  
Edward Cullen... eats hot wings when no one is looking...  
Edward: I can't eat human mush food!  
Edward Cullen... is 22, not 190 or whatever...  
Edward: Other way around, stupid.  
Edward Cullen... only pretends to be a vampire to be with Bella...  
Edward: I AM A VAMPIRE! You have NO IDEA just HOW BADLY I want to prove this right now!! I am planning about twenty ways to murder you, you know.  
Edward Cullen... his mom was Elizabeth, his dad was a tuna...  
Edward: Okay, this is getting rediculious!!  
Edward Cullen... doesn't know how to spell!!  
Edward: What?!  
Edward Cullen-  
Edward: OKAY, THAT'S IT! I'M COMMING UP THERE TO THAT LITTLE ROOM THAT'S HIDDEN IN THE WALL UP THERE!!!  
And now you know Edward Cullen, the fake vampire, hot wing loving, Bella hating, spellcheck-requiring 22 year old with a tuna for a father...  
Edward: NONE OF IT'S TRUEEE!!!

A/N: Next time it's... BELLA!!! (applause and applesauce).


	2. Bella The emo

Disclaimer: We still don't own Stephenie Meyer's work of genius, the Twilight series.  
By HollyWoodHaHa and KingdomMewFruits.  
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This time, it's...BELLA'S TURN!  
Bella: Yay!

**Know your stars...know your stars...know your stars... Bella Swan...made out with a wolf** **coughJacobcough**  
Bella: WHAT! NO WE DIDNT! I WAS CRYING AND THEN THE PHONE RANG AN--  
**Bella Swa-**  
Edward: --WHAT!?!?  
Bella: NO I SWEA-  
**Yes, Edward, come to the dark side O.o****  
**Edward: why...  
**Blood cookies...Bella flavored...****  
**Edward: Ermm... FINISH UP WITH HER ALREADY!!  
**Bella Swan...was a vampire this whole time and never told anyone...****  
**Bella: Not true!! NOT TRUEEE!  
**Bella Swan... is emo...****  
**Bella: No I'm not.  
**Bella Swan... only listens to Linkin Park because Edward does...as well as classical music...****  
**Bella: Um, I LOVE LINKIN PARK! DON'T SAY THAT!!  
**Bella Swan...total poseur...****  
**Bella: I-AM-NOT-A-POSEEEUUUURRRR!!!  
**Bella Swan...is probably going psycho...**  
Bella: IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!  
**And now you know...Isabella Swan...the emo vampire who made out with a werewolf, only listens to the same music Edward does because, well, he's EDWARD, and is a total poseur who's probably going psycho...****  
**Bella: Don't believe her! She's the crazy one, I tell ya! SHE'S CRAZY!!!  
_END_  
Note from KingdomMewFruits: Wow, thanks you guys! HollyWoodHaHa did most of this chapter; I just threw it all together. X,.,x More to come verrry soon... NEXT TIME: JACOB BLACK!!


	3. JacobHoundog?

Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own Twilight, New Moon, ECT.  
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This time it's... JACOB BLACK!  
/applause/  
**Know your stars...know your stars- WAIT! Before we begin, one question, Jacob.****  
**Jake: What?  
**Schnauzer or Terrier?****  
**Jake: Not funny. I'm a werewolf...RAWR!  
**Jacob Black...his mom was a Great Dane and Billie was a hound dog...****  
**Jake: No!! Mom was human, dad was human, and I'm werewolf!!! GRR!  
**Jacob Black...just loves to feel the breeze blowing through his long pelt...**  
Jake: What?! Uhm...  
**Jacob Black...is being difficult and won't admit it...**  
Jake: That was a really stupid question. But fine...ALRIGHT, I DO!!!  
**Jacob Black...once dressed like Alice from Alice in Wonderland and sprouted up through the roof like that scene in the rabbit's house...**  
Jake: No! What? That was stupid!!  
**Jacob Black... likes to see the pictures of Daniel Radcliffe naked...**  
Jake: No, but Bella sure does. Watch this!  
/Random reel of Bella DROOLING over the nasty pics/  
Charlie: ISABELLA SWAAAAANNNN!!  
Bella: JACOB BLACK! WHY DO YOU KEEP GETTING ME GROUNDEDDD?! NOOOO!  
Edward: And here I thought I was the only man you could drool over... /shakes head/  
**Jacob Black... is a relationship ruiner...****  
**Jake: No! I don't mean too!!!!  
**Jacob Black... is about to get plowed in to by a perpetual brick wall...**  
Jake: Um, wha- /BANG!/  
**Now you know...Jacob Black...the werewolf who likes to feel the wind through his pelt, is difficult, likes to cosplay Alice in Wonderland, likes to stare at pictures of Daniel Radcliff naked, is a relationship ruiner, and got plowed into by a perpetual brick wall...****  
**Jake: I'll get you back, stupid voice thing! I SWEAR I WILL!  
**No you won't.****  
**END.  
Next time it's... ALICE CULLEN!


	4. Alice the Britney Poser

DISCLAIMER: Nope, we're still not Stephenie Meyer, we don't own The Haunted Mansion ride, and we don't know Britney Spears.  
A/N: ALICE'S TURRNN!!  
Written/Edited by HollyWoodHaHa and also written (some) by KingdomMewFruits.  
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**Know your stars..Alice Cullen...Alice Cullen...Alice Cullen...her sister is Madame Leota****  
**Alice: Uhm, no. my sister was named Cynthia  
Whatever you say...  
**Alice Cullen...had Britney Spears copy her hair idea, but the razor slipped**  
Alice: WHOO!  
**Alice Cullen... has had 15 marriages with illegal aliens over the years...****  
**Alice: Now why would I do that?  
**Alice Cullen... hosts LAN parties every Wednesday on Xbox Live...****  
**Alice: You're getting me confused with Jasper.  
**Alice Cullen... was put in the asylum for being a platypus whisperer...****  
**Alice: Wait, what?! No, I wasn't thrown into a nuthouse for that.  
**Alice Cullen... Her mom was the Blue Fairy and her dad was a really short guy...****  
**Alice: Where are you getting this crap?!  
**Alice Cullen... knows what I mean by "butt dimples".**  
Alice: No, I don't. Frankly, I DON'T WANT TO KNOW!!  
**Alice Cullen... once knew this guy who knew this guy who had a girlfriend who's grandma knew this guy who knew this guy who knew Bella who knew Edward who knows her...****  
**Alice: Okay, uhh, that almost didn't make sense, and I don't think that's true.  
**Oh contraire, my little Alice Muffin... here he is now...****  
**/That random guy walks up there/  
Guy: Hey, you're Alice Cullen, right?  
Alice: Um, yes...?  
Guy: Oh, well, I know this guy who knew this guy who had a girlfriend whose grandma knew this guy who knew this guy who knew Bella who knows Edward who knows you!  
Alice: O-kay...then... umm... uh... BYE/runs like a maniac out of there.  
**Now you know... Alice Cullen, the vampire who's sister is Madame Leota. Britney Spears tried to rip off her look. She hosts LAN parties on Xbox Live, who had 15 green card marriages so far, was in the nuthouse for being a platypus whisperer, whose' parents were the Blue Fairy and a short guy, who knows what I mean by butt dimples, and knows a long chain of people... also, she's a muffin.****  
**Alice: I'M NOT A MUFFIINNNNN!!  
END.  
Next time it's... Emmett!


	5. Emmett Loves Bears

DISCLAIMER: Nope, we don't own the Twilight books or any other random things we shouldn't own... y'know what I'm saying?  
A/N: This is almost entirely by KingdomMewFruits, as a result of HollyWoodHaHa not coming up with anything... It's usually about half/half or 557 KMF. It's not her _best_ work, but she's trying to pull random stuff out of her brain.  
To everyone who reviewed, thanks! We'll keep you laughing for as long as possible ... we promise.  
And about the Butt Dimples thing, well, it was supposed to say _butt dumples, _which is an inside joke between the two authors (but which one is WRITING this???? Hehehehe...) about Daniel Radcliff... who has Butt Dimples ... okay, I'll fully explain it later.  
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Today it's... EMMETT!  
Emmett: Hello, everybody/drinking a glass of Grizzly bear blood...the one who ate Grizzly Man. X.x/  
**Know your stars...Know your stars...Know your stars...Emmett Cullen...He likes bunnies.**  
Emmett: Oh-kay, random...  
**Emmett Cullen...likes to pretend he's Ozzy Ozbourne and bite off the heads of teddy bears!****  
**Emmett/hiss/  
**Emmett Cullen... only HE can prevent wildfires...**  
Emmett: Uh, hello? I DIE in fire!!  
**Emmett Cullen... has a teddy bear collection...****  
**Emmett: Wait, what/growl/ oh, I see where this is going...  
**Emmett Cullen...he's the man behind Smokey the Bear...**  
Emmett: ENOUGH WITH THE BEAR JOKES, LOWLIFE!!

**Emmett Cullen... has been cheating on Rosalie with a brown bear named Snuffles...****  
**Emmett: WHAT?!  
Rosalie: WHAT WHAAAT?! HOW COULD YOU?!  
Emmett: No, Rose, it's not like that!!  
Rosalie: IT IS OVVER, DO YOU HEAR ME? OVERR!!  
**Emmett Cullen... is going to kill Jacob Black for ruining his relationship with both Rosalie AND Snuffles...****  
**Jacob: Hey, I had nothing to do with this!  
Emmett: You-YOU!! GRRRAAWWWWRRR/attacks Jacob/  
**And know you know... Emmett Cullen...the bunny loving, Ozzy Ozborne impersonating, wildfire-preventing, Smokey the Bear creating, cheating vampire who hates Jacob Black.****  
**Emmett: MARK MY WORDS, YOU'RE NEXT YOU STUPID VOICE.  
**Yeah, in your **_**dreams**_**, bear lover. Not that you really HAVE dreams...****  
**END.

Well, that was...odd... not my favorite thing that I've written, but oh well.  
NEXT TIME, IT'S: Carlisle!


	6. Carlisle the Calm

DISCLAIMER; Nope, don't own Twilight, New Moon, or what they're called in foreign languages. :P  
A/N: Yes, calm chapter this time... O.o is that possible?! Well, you all wanted it...  
BY: KingdomMewFruits and HollyWoodHaHa  
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It's Carlisle's turn!! YAYYY!  
Carlisle: Hello, and what an honor it is to be here today! -waves-  
**Know your stars...know your stars...know your stars...Carlisle Cullen... steals from blood banks.****  
**Carlisle: No, but Alice and Edward did that once...  
Edward: -whistles innocently-  
**Carlisle Cullen... is a pie fanatic...**  
Carlisle: Um, no... I don't know if Edward told you, but I can't eat human food.  
**Carlisle Cullen... is a pushover.****  
**Carlisle: Pushover? Now, I don't know about that, but I do admit to being a softy.  
**Carlisle Cullen... his nickname is Car-Car!****  
**Carlisle: Nope. It's actually Carrie.  
**Carlisle Cullen... IS GOD.**  
Carlisle: Oh, so _that_ explains all of the OMC's... -chuckles absentmindedly-  
**Carlisle Cullen... is... um... A FRENCHMAN! HEAR HIM ROAR! "MEOW", HE IS A TACO!****  
**Carlisle: -laughing- HAHAHA! You know that my favorite writing is NONSENCE! That guy who wrote Alice in Wonderland was a good acquaintance of mine...  
**AUGH! How can this be?! Carlisle Cullen... has markers in seven different shades, oh shizzle. So what's your favorite color, punk?****  
**Carlisle: Um... well then... a bit too much nonsense, don't you agree?  
**Carlisle Cullen... IS FRUSTRAITING!!**  
Carlisle: Well- I'm- er... sorry...?  
**Carlisle Cullen... IS TOO GOOD AT NOT BEING PERTURBED BY THE NONSENSICAL INSULTS OF A DEEP VOICE WHO TALKS IN BOLD AND IN CAPS, BECAUSE IT IS TOO FRUSTRAITED TO DO MUCH ELSE!! AUGGH!****  
**Carlisle: I- um...  
**Wait a minute... WHO'S THAT BEHIND YOU?!****  
**Jasper: -steps out with an evil grin-  
**JASPEERRR! I'LL GET YOU, I SWEAR!****  
**Jasper: Not on your life, Voice.  
Carlisle: So... is it over then?

**YES!!! THAT WAS CARLISLE, THE FLIPPANT, FRUSTRAITING, JASPER-RELIANT, FRENCH, PIE LOVING, BLOOD STEALING, PUSHOVER OF A VAMPIRE!! Graawwrr!****  
**Jasper: Quick, Carlisle, PUT IT ON SOME PROZAIC! Hahahaha! -shoots Calm at the Voice-  
Carlisle: Well, it was a lovely day here, thanks for having me! I'll bring Esme by next time, she'll love it!!  
**Okay. And I'll calmly, rationally rip apart and embarrass Jasper next time too. How does that sound, Jasper?**  
Jasper: Tehe. Don't make me laugh.

END.

Okay... this is from a song. "I have markers! In seven different shades, oh sh--. So what's your favorite color, punk?"  
WHOEVER CAN GUESS WHAT SONG IT IS (correctly, of course) GETS A COOKIE! You get to choose what kind it is, too! YAY! Also, KingdomMewFruits humbly offers to review your stories. -.-  
We'll be waiting... rawr.


	7. Come one, come all to this tragic affair

This chapter, we regret saying, is just a note from the authors. We shall continue with Esme soon.  
We're a little busy with test preparation, since our big state tests are this week. We really hate the FCAT. We do.

On a lighter and more pliable note, CONGRATS TO CANOEINGCUTIE FOR GUESSING THE SONG! It's  
My Way Home is Through You, by My Chemical Romance. We love My Chem. HollyWoodHaHa is going to a concert while KingdomMewFruits is rotting away in a Navy Lodge in Japan in April. Yes, it makes KingdomMewFruits angry, since she CAN'T GO on the day she's been WAITING FOR for YEARS because she'll be in another CONTINENT, another COUNTRY, and another one of Earth's stupid plates! In the center of much seismic activity. Lahars, volcanic eruptions, earthquakes and the tsunamis they cause.But that isn't important... CanoeingCutie, choose your cookie. We have:  
Chocolate Chip, Taco flavored (Um, we don't reccomend that one...), Sugar, Too much sugar, OMFGA.D.D. HYPERSUGAARR, Bella blood flavored (Hey, one of those are missing! Edward: -whistles innocently-), iPod shaped, and Random Mystery Cookies of DOOOOM.  
And now, KingdomMewFruits is off to comment our winner's stories as well as update one of her own.  
Esme will be here soon, do not fret...

XOXO,  
KingdomMewFruits and HollyWoodHaHa


	8. Breaking Down with Esme

Disclaimer: Still don't own Twilight and/or New Moon.

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Today its... Esme's turn!  
Esme: Oh, and how LOVELY it is to be here! -blowing kisses to the invisable audience of readers.  
Know your stars...know your stars...know your stars... Esme Cullen...is taking anti-depressants.  
Esme: Hahaha! That's not true. I have Jasper, I don't need anti-depressants! Jasper, speaking of which, send some Calm my way, I'm a bit nervous.  
Jasper: Heh heh heh... -evil smirk- comming right up... after I hit that stupid voice with some Sugar High feelings! BWAHAHA! I'M AN EVIL COOKIE! -twitch twitch- nooo, it backfired! -runs around screaming about apples for a minute before crashing and suddenly laying on the floor, wishing he could sleep, then he gets up and gives Esme that darned wave of calm-  
Hahah! Baka vampire!!  
Jasper: I'm going to pretend I didn't just hear that... -gets dragged away to play dress-up with Alice-  
Anyway, Esme Cullen... is starting a psychatic practice with Jasper as her sidekick...  
Esme: Nope.  
Esme Cullen... is -GASP!- a TACO HATER!!!  
Esme: Well, I can't eat them, can I?!  
Yes you can. You just don't want to, taco hater!  
Esme: I suppose you're right.  
'Scuse me, someone get her some HATERADE!  
Esme: ... not funny.  
Yes, Haterade is funny. Cause it's like Gatorade for haters!  
Esme: Oh, I get it...  
Esme Cullen... is slow.  
Esme: Nuh-uh!  
Esme Cullen... love stuff.

Esme: Were you abused as a child?  
Esme Cullen... chokes people when she hugs them.  
Esme: No... aww, but someone needs a hug now, don't they?!  
No, no thanks...

Esme: It's okay... I love you no matter what.  
No, lady, you're scaring me! No, DON'T COME UP HERE! Hey, where did she- AHHH! SHE'S HUGGING ME!  
Esme: It's okay... let it all out...  
Edward: Well, I guess I'll take over for the Voice for now since it's being hugged to death in it's little black room with a microphone and-  
-random sounds can be heard, such as things falling down and breaking and screams-  
Edward: Wow, sounds like things are getting kinda...un-loving up there... I feel sorry for Esme.  
Esme (through microphone): Everything's okay, I'm just forcing the Voice to tell me it's life story... poor thing. How tragic.  
-sobbing- And now you... -boo hoo- know Esme- (sniffle sniffle) Cullen! The- (sob) anti-depressant taking, taco hating psychiatrist, who loves stuff and chokes people when she HUGS THEMMM!! WAAAAA!!! -crying-  
END.

I think this is my least favorite chapter. I think my Emmett one was better than this... HollyWoodHaha was once AGAIN out of ideas. But for the next one, she shouldn't be... because it's time for...  
JASPER! Bwahahaha!  
Jasper: Not on your life!


	9. Jasper We're Evil

Disenchanted: We don't own Twilight or New Moon. The AWESOME Stephenie Meyer does. Also, we don't own any of the songs here or Fruits Basket.  
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_Jasper has been tied down to a chair in a dark, quiet room. He's been tied down very tightly with all manners of rope, chains, wire, duct tape, glue... And there's no way out in sight. __  
__Yes, this is Jasper's turn. And now the voice gets revenge for keeping Carlisle and Esme so calm.__  
_Jasper: Ahhh, you crazy voice, you'll never take me alive!! NEVEERR!! Family! Where are you?! NEWS TEAM! ASSEMBLEEE!!  
_Laughing people can be heard all around. Suddenly, a single light flicks on. It's only a bulb handing from the wall... now the texture of this dark room can be seen clearly. The walls are damp and are an unappealing gray color. It looks like one of those cheesy interview rooms from all the cop shows with the trick mirror thing. Only this time, there's no one but Jasper in this little room and his family and Bella are on the other side of the glass..._

_Suddenly... the voice can be heard echoing throughout the room.___

**Know your stars...know your stars...know your stars...Jasper Hale...has a cow named Bean Dip...****  
**Jasper: Uh, what?!  
**Jasper Hale... makes cruel bets on how many contusions Bella manages to get in one day...****  
**Jasper: Erm... -cough-  
**Jasper Hale...admit it.**

Jasper: ALRIGHT. Emmett and I always do.  
Bella: -GASP!- HOW COULD YOU!? -cries on Edward's big Hefty! Hefty! Hefty! shoulder. And in the little room, a voice can be heard saying "Wimpy, wimpy, wimpy."  
**Jasper Hale... lets Alice play dress-up with him.****  
**Jasper: No!! I don't!  
**Jasper Hale...lets her dress him in little pink, frilly dresses.****  
**Jasper: NOT EVEN!!

**Jasper Hale...it's only going to get worse for you, my friend.****  
**Jasper: Why?  
**Because. You shouldn't mess with me and my awesome Voice-ly powers. Making people calm is a no-no when I'm making a fool outta them.****  
**Jasper: GRRRR!!! -uses his true powers to send a big huge Tsunami of hateful feelings crashing against the walls-  
**Jasper Hale...is the hulk in disguise.****  
**Jasper: AM NOT!! Emmett is.  
Emmett: GRRRRR!! -starts to turn green-  
**Thank you, Emmett, but we don't need a demonstration.**  
Emmett: Ehh sure.

Jasper Hale... gots great nachos at a great price!  
Jasper: -set up at a booth selling nachos- You better believe it.  
**Jasper Hale...cosplays Fruits Basket. He dresses up as Yuki and forces someone to be Hatsuharu and together the provide some...eh..."fan service" at random cosplay festivals.****  
**Jasper: ...ewwwww. Fan service with Emme- oh dear lord...

**INSERT GASP HERE HE ADMITED IT!**  
Everyone else: GASP!  
Jasper: No! NOO! I didn't mean it like that!!  
**He DID! HE DIDDDD! WITH EMMETT?! EEWWWWWW! Yaoi! YAOIII! Not that there's anything WRONG with that...**  
Emmett: Did not! I swear! Well, not with me at least.  
Jasper: GET BACK ON TOPIC!  
**Jasper Hale... is an emo kid. Non-conforming as can be-****  
**Jasper: Pleeasee,don't sing the Emo song.  
**Fine. Meany**.  
Jasper: -sticks out his tongue...he's still tied down.-  
**Jasper Hale... wets his combinations**...

Jasper: Er, I'm not THAT old for one and two... ew. No.  
**Jasper Hale... ISN'T WEARING HIS CORSETS! SCANDALOUS! SCANDAALLLL!!!****  
**Jasper: What? I don't wear corsets...  
**Jasper Hale... IS SHOWING HIS ANKLE! AHHHH! ALL OF THIS SCANDALLLL! LOCK HIM UP IN A LOONY BIN! A FUNNY FARM! AN INSANE ASYLUM! A NACHO HATING CONVENTION! AHHHHH!****  
**Jasper: That was totally uncalled for.  
**Jasper Hale...wouldn't know "called for" if it came up and slapped him in the face**.  
Jasper: Nuh-uh.  
Called for: HIIYAA! -slaps Jasper in the face-  
**O rly? Then what was THAT!?**  
Jasper: No, don't start chatspeak...  
**Wut wuz it?****  
**Jasper: Well, it looked like cotton candy, it tasted like cotton candy, and it felt like cotton candy, so it must've been cotton candy.  
**HAH! I was right. You COULDN'T. Well, actually, you just met Called For.**  
Jasper: Nice to meet you.  
Called For: NEH! -slaps Jasper in the face, then runs off singing "When you Got it, Flaunt it."-

Jasper: OW!  
**Heh. Serves you right.**  
Jasper: Have you had your revenge yet?  
**Nope.****  
**Jasper: Aww, come on! I've got a date that I can't be late for... I RHYME! Anyway, Alice will- wait, she's right outside the glass! Alice! If you can hear me, I might be late because this voice won't hurry up and get it's revenge!!!  
Alice: NO WAY. You used that excuse last time. If you aren't out here in TEN MINUTES MISTER, I SWEAR YOU'RE DEAD!  
-Suddenly, Dead! Can be heard throughout the little room. I love My Chem-  
Jasper: Ugghh... please, please just let me OUT OF HERE!!  
**Jasper Hale... likes to play Duck, Duck, Goose with actual ducks and geese.****  
**Jasper: Wait, what?!  
**Admittt ittt!**  
Jasper: NEVER!!  
**Don't make me bring Called For back here. It doesn't LIKE when I interrupt it's singing of show tunes and whatnot**.  
Jasper: Oh, you mean the cotton candy that slaps me?  
**AHEM... Jasper Hale... likes to run around telling everyone he's god.**  
Jasper: No I don't. I AM GOD! What time is it?  
**3:05.**  
Jasper: NO! I ONLY HAVE FIVE MINUTES.  
**Alright, I'll let you go. On one condition... you have to say "without my pants" after everything you say to Alice on your date today**.  
Jasper: WHAT?!  
**Either that or I'm making you late. Would you rather die or embarrass yourself further?****  
**3:06  
Jasper: Okay! Okay... fine...  
-releases Jasper-  
**AND NOW YOU KNOW... Jasper Hale... the cow owning,contusion-betting, dress-up and duck, duck, goose playing, scandalous vampire who is the hulk in disguise, eats cotton candy people named Called For, DOESN'T WEAR HIS CORSETS, Shows his ankles, wets his combinations, puts on some fan service for Fruits Basket YukixHaru lovers everywhere,and sells nachos at a great price. There's probably something else I left out, but oh well.**  
Jasper: Let's go...without...my...pants. -sigh-

Alice: EWWW.  
**END****  
**Ahh. WE LOVED THIS ONE!!!  
KingomMewFruits prefers the Alice one, but this is good too. This should teach every future contestant NOT to mess with The Almighty Voice!!!  
NEXT TIME: IT'S MIKE'S TURN! And we'll be returning to the first setting in the big room with the place for an invisible audience! YAY! Besides...that little room was a bit too much.


	10. Mike Bwahaha

Hahaha.  
Disenchanted: We don't own the Twilight series.  
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It's MIKE'S TURN!!  
**Know your stars...know your stars...know your stars... Mikey Way-****  
**Mike: Um, I'm Mike Newton.  
**Mikey Way... is awesome.**  
Mike: I SAID I'M NOT MIKEY WAY! I'M FREAKING MIKE NEWTON! CHRIST!!!  
**Okay, fine. No reason to get offensive to some pplz by exclaiming "CHRIST!" Mike Newton... loves Bella.****  
**Mike: Just between you and me... I'm only being a pest and being around Bella because Edward is already around her all of the time and...well... I LIKE EDWARD MORE.  
Edward: EEWWWW COOTIES!  
Mike: Huh?  
Edward: COOOOTIIEEEESSS!! -runs away crying-  
Bella: No! No, don't cry!! -runs after him-  
**All right then... Mike Newton... is the inventor of Fig Newtons.****  
**Mike: Er... I have no response.  
**But you just responded.**  
Mike: ...crap!  
**Mike Newton... MIIIKKEE Wazowski!!****  
**Mike: I'M NOT IN MONSTERS INC.!! -is dressed in a Mike Wazowski costume ... that would be the round green one with one eye and horns...-

**Mike Newton... Has a plushy collection...****  
**Mike: Do not! -cuddling a random labrador plushie-

**Mike Newton... has an actual real life bishie closet, where he keeps plushies of such people as Kyo Sohma, Edward Cullen, Yuki Sohma, Bella Swan, and Snuffles (refer to Emmett's chapter for Snuffles being vaguely mentioned).****  
**Mike: Okay, now THAT one I can own up to. It's very manly to have a bishie closet...  
**No, it isn't. That's what rabid fangirls do sometimes. (NOTICE THE SOMETIMES!!)****  
**Mike: Okay ... well, that was embarrassing.  
**Mike Newton... is a golden retriever pup.****  
**Mike: I... am? -wags long, blonde tail...that's creepy-

**Mike Newton... Is a jealous beanie baby...****  
**Mike: I'm not a beanie baby!  
**Mike Newton... cawazy.****  
**Mike: GRRAWWR.  
**Mike Newton... likes to make up sounds, even though that's the vampires' jobs.****  
**Mike: MEANIE!!!  
**Mike Newton... IS A GRIZZLY BEAR! EMMETT, COME QUICK!!****  
**Mike: Wait, what?  
Emmett: GGRRAAAAAAAAAAAWWRRR!!!! -tackles Mike-  
Mike: I- (gasp) AM NOT- (gasp) A FREAKING BEEARRR...

Random person: Daa bears. -runs off-  
**And now you know Mike Newton, the crazy, jealous, Fig-Newton-inventing, slightly yaoi-ish, Golden Retriever/Grizzly Beanie Baby who isn't Mikey Way (darn my luck...) or Mike Wazowski, is offensive, has a bishounen (sp?) closet, makes up sounds, and has a plushy collection. -.-****  
**Mike: You don't- (gasp) KNOW ME! OWWW GET OFF EMMETT! YOU'RE CRUSHING ME!!  
Emmett: -hiss-  
**END**  
NEXT TIME: Jessica!!!

TO ALL READERS... -.- thanks for reading... we love you too. O.o


	11. Good News! And, Erhm, Bad

Hello, dear crazed fans of this dear, crazy fic.

We regret to say that the story will be going on hiatus for about 2-3 months due to the Co-author moving to Japan, starting March 17th and ending sometime in either late April or early May, depending on how long it takes KMF to  
1. Get an apartment in one of the towers  
AND  
2. Get Internet. This takes awhile.

BUT ... there's GOOD NEWS. We'll have long, sporadic chapters updated between then and now (the co-author will be in another state for a few weeks, allowing Internet access). Plus, I (KMF) am getting an AWESOME new laptop soon, so... yeah.

Do not be fretting,  
so goodbye Fear and Regret,  
Jessica comes soon.

-A haiku about...well, you know.

XOXO,  
KingdomMewFruits and HollyWoodHaHa


	12. Jessica! We are not okay, we promise

DISENCHANTED: We don't own Stephenie Meyer's brilliant works, the Twilight books. We also don't own any My Chemical Romance songs that have EVER been mentioned in this fanfic. As well, we don't own Finding Nemo. Or Aspercream. Or HomeStarRunner cartoons... gotta love Strong Bad though.

Whoooooooo! This is going to probably be the last update for about a week and a half, due to KingdomMewFruits' crazy, hectic travel schedule for her move to Japan.

From K.M.F.: Yeah, the guys came and packed up my house today. It's so weird, all we have is these big, stuffed boxes laying around everywhere. My room is the only thing they didn't finish packing, because I'm too much of a pack rat to throw crap away. X.x Yeah, AND THEY LEFT A TAPE GUN IN MY ROOM! AWWWWEESOME! I'm gonna be having so much fun on another tape-wasting binge. I LOVE to waste tape. Okay, well, I'm going to help write this thing now.

Jessica's turn to check into the Hotel Bella Muerte.  
-  
Know your Stars...know your stars...know your stars... Jessica Stanley...is made of Polymascotfomulate! (Pol-ee-mas-cot-foam-u-late)  
Jessica: -playing with her hair, rolls her eyes- Pssh. What EVER.  
Jessica Stanley... keeps a gun on the book you gave her, hallelujah, lock and load.  
Jessica: Stupid emo.  
I AM NOT EMO YOU TARD!  
Jessica: Your face.  
Well, you're a stupid biatch.  
Jessica: Am not.  
Well, that's not what your MOTHER said last night!!! Ahaha... I PWN!  
Jessica: -flabbergasted- You- you DIDN'T!  
Don't mess with the Almighty Orange Voice.  
Jessica.  
Jessica Stanley... Would I lie to you? That girl's not right in the brain.  
Jessica: No... no. YOU aren't right in the brain.  
I'll make a deal with you.  
Jessica: WHAT?  
We're going to play Truth or Truth, and you're the only one allowed to play. I'm only allowed to ask you the questions. So GATHER 'ROUND, GUESTS OF BELLA MUERTE!  
Bella: Not funny.  
Marlin: Yes it is. And I know funny. I'M A CLOWN FISH!! -poof-  
Edward: Okkaay.  
-everyone comes one, comes all to this TRAGIC affair-  
Jessica; Well, you didn't tell me what I'LL get out of your so-called "deal.  
You get to loose... YOUR DIGNITY!  
All: GASP!  
Jessica: Well, get on with it.  
Jessica Stanley... admit it... you're jealous of Bella. And her hotel.  
Bella: THE HOTEL BELLA MUERTE IS NOT MINE FOR CRAP'S SAKE!!! (A/N: It's not ours, either)  
Jessica: Okay, then, I do. But who DOESN'T?  
JASPER!! Are you calming her down?  
Jasper: No! I swear.  
Jessica Stanley...admit it, you still have a thing for Edward.  
Jesssica: Bu-bu- that's not fair!  
DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE MY POWERS!  
Called for: BLAUUGHH!! -slaps Jessica and runs away-  
Jessica: OKAY. I DO!  
Edward: Ugh, Disgusting. -poof's with Bella Muerte... errm, I mean...just "Bella-  
Jessica Stanley... a stain that never comes off the sheets, clean her off, she's so dirty babe.  
Jessica: Err... what? No.  
-everyone goes poof-  
Well, that didn't work... forget Truth or Truth. I just had to get those two things out of you when everyone else was around to heighten your embarrassment, here in the Janitor's room at the HOTEL BELLA MUERTE! Because we're EVIL like that!  
Jessica: Please, just continue.  
Jessica Stanley... is not okay, She promises.  
Jessica: Um... yeah, like, whatever.  
Jessica Stanley... is cheating on Mike with the Labrador across the street.  
Jessica: No! I SWEAR I'M NOT!  
Mike: H-HOW COULD YOU?! -runs away with that creepy blonde tail between his legs, and somewhere, a "random" bottle of pills falls to the ground... you'll see why later-  
Jessica Stanley... please proceed with beating up poor Jacob, even though he TOTALLY doesn't deserve it. He's getting paid $1.50 an hour to get beaten up by crazies like you.  
Jacob: I could use the extra cash, anyway... AHHHHHH!  
Jessica: GRR! -tackles Jacob-  
Mike: -walks back in- A- AND HIM TOO!  
Jessica: No! No, it's not what it looks like- Mike! MIKE, GET BACK HERE!! -runs off-  
Jessica Stanley...Is young and doesn't care. Her dreams and her hopeless hair. Awa-oh  
Jessica: MY HAIR! -Gasp-

And now you know... Jessica Stanley... the biatch who cheats on Mike, is jealous, loves Edward, isn't okay (She promises), is a tard, isn't right in the brain, has hopeless hair, and is made of polymascotfomulate.  
Jessica: That's SOOO not me!!

You bet your sweet Aspercream it is you!  
END -  
SPECIAL NOTE!!! WE'RE HAVING ANOTHER CONTEST!! And it's a big one, too.  
Actually, it's more like two contests.

Part one: There are a TON of My Chemical Romance song references in this chapter. Give us the title of the songs for a prize!  
FORMAT FOR ENTRIES FOR THIS PART: Refrence and song title (ex.- "Hallelujah, lock and load" from INSERTSONGTITLEHERE)  
-OR-  
Part two: Get the correct number of references to songs found in this fic for a prize Do them both and get... something! OOH! AHH! SOMMMEETHINNNG.

We'll be waiting.

NEXT TIME: Sam! -le GASP!- 


	13. Sam Yay Pepto Bismal!

Disclaimer: We don't own Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series. It's an awesome series, though….  
jeezebus, why didn't I think of it….KUPO!   
We also don't own any medicines or songs or movies or characters or wtf ever found in the story.

A's/N: Yeah, well, here we are… Sammy's turn. LET IT BE KNOWN THAT ON THIS TWENTY-THIRD DAY OF MARCH, THE second SAVED DOCUMENT ON KMF'S aweessoommeeee NEW LAPTOP WAS WRITTEN….. AND YOU'RE READING IT!!!  
From KMF: I'm in my grandparent's basement, which is more of an apartment, really…. The internet is sloowwwww beyond all comparison (pure unadulterated dial-up pure unadulterated hell) . HollyWoodHaHa has just gotten off of Spring Break, but everywhere else in the US of A is still in school until April, I see… WHOO!!!  
I'll have the answers to the contest up soon. Hurry up and get those entries in, Google the lyrics if you must…. Because the contest…contests….whatever, ends AS SOON as the next chapter get's posted….you've got about 20 minutes.  
On with the show! Teehee. THANKS TO CANOEINGCUTIE FOR THE WHOLE TACOS THING….O.o  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
**Know your stars….know your stars….know your stars…. Sam Uley… loves tacos (psst…Esme…)**  
Sam: BETCHA SWEET ASPERCREAM!!!  
Esme: NOOO!!! –hugs Sam- Tacos cause lung cancer and leukemia! Isn't that right, Care Bear?  
Carlisle: No…actually, tacos cause, at most, stomach problems such as nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, DIARRHEA!  
All: YAY, PEPTO BISMAL! (sp?!)  
-poof-  
Sam: … okay?  
**Sam Uley…. Brings it on in to Omeletville…  
**Sam: Err…  
Justin Timberlake: -randomly jumps in in that stupid omelet costume- BRING IT ON IN TO OMELETVILLE!! –poof-  
Sam: What the crap?!  
**Sam Uley…. Is a cow in disguise…  
**Sam: Huh?  
**Sam Uley…. Is a stupid drunk hillbilly.**  
Sam: Nuh-uh.  
**Prove it.  
**Sam: Alright then… -stands on one foot- One… two… three… four… fi-hiccup- five… six, seven, eight, ni- nin-nine, ten, eeeleven!, twelve, look s like I HIT THE JACKPOT! BYE BYE, SAND MAN AND RAG DOLL!  
Sally: -screams-  
**Sam Uley…. Is Oogie Boogie in disguise….  
**Sam: Wait, I thought I was a cow in disguise? Now I'm OOGIE BOOGIE?! BWAHAHAH!  
**Well, which are you?**  
Sam: -twitch twitch- I AM THE SHADOW ON THE MOON AT NIGHT, FILLING YOUR DREAMS TO THE BRIM WITH FRIGHT! This is Halloween, this is Halloween, HALLOWEEN, HALLOWEEN! HALLOWEEN, HALLOWEEN!  
**… err, well then… Let's try that drunk hillbilly test again, shall we?  
**Sam: Fine. –stands on one foot again…- One…TWO THREEFOURFIVESIXSEVENEIGHT! YEAH!  
**… oh no…  
**Sam: -twitch twitch- Let's go back to the middle of the day that starts it all. I can't begin to let you know just what I'm feeling. And these red ones make me fly and the blue ones help me fall. Well I think I'll blow my brains against the ceiling…  
Jacob: Alpha Sam? Are you okay?  
Sam: -twitch twitch- And as the fragments of my scalp begin to fall… fall on your tongue like pixy dust-  
Jacob: Augh! Stupid voice, what did you do?!  
**Err, have him take a drunk hillbilly test.  
**Jacob: Well, great going. Don't tell me he went into singsong mode… did he sing anything before that?  
**This is Halloween. And he thought he was Oogie Boogie.  
**Jacob: -sigh-. Jasper… (I can't believe I'm doing this)…JASPER! Stop doing the Pepto Max dance with everyone and get in here!!  
Jasper: I don't answer to dogs…  
Jacob: -growl-  
Sam: THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS! THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS! THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS! THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS! THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS! THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS! THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS! THINK HAPPY-  
Jacob: AHHH!!! SHUT UP! ONLY MCR CAN DO THAT SONG! –tackles Sam-  
**Err… that was stange. Anyway-  
NOW YOU KNOW… Sam Uley, the taco loving werewolf who brings it on in to Omeletville, is a cow in disguise, is also Oogie Boogie in disguise, is a stupid drunk hillbilly, and has a severe mental issue that results in him singing random songs.  
**Sam: Everybody's got a laughing place, a laughing place, oh-ho-ho-ho! Turn your frown right upside down, and you'll be laughing to I know. Teehee!  
**O.o  
END!  
NEXT TIME IT'S…. –drumroll- … … … zzzzzzzZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzZZZZZZ…. **

Oh, sorry… it's CHARLIE!!! Bwahaha! I'm gonna have some fun with this one…


	14. Charlie is an oompa Loompa face

Disenchanted: We do not own the Twilight series. Or the My Chemical Romance or other songs listed below. Or any movies and shows, internet or otherwise, mentioned. And we do not mean to offend anyone when we discuss the movie Charlie and throw in some possibly offending statements…. Or so….

But before we start…. CONTEST ANSWERS:  
Hotel Bella Muerte (said about 5 times) from "The Jetset Life is Gonna Kill You"  
"We're not okay, we promise" and "She's not okay, she promises" from I'm Not Okay (I Promise),  
"Hallelujah , lock and load" from Thank you for The Venom,  
"Would I lie to you? That girl's not right in the brain" from Hang 'em High,  
"…Comes one, comes all to this TRAGIC affair" from The End.,  
"… A stain that never comes off the sheets, clean her off, she's so dirty babe." From I Never Told you What I do for a Living,  
"…is young and doesn't care. Her dreams and her hopeless hair- awa oh" from Give 'em Hell Kid.  
There were also two of those stated again in the "now you know" part.

Total- 14

No, those weren't all the exact lyrics, but we had to twist them around to be used in the story. Don't worry; we won't do another My Chem contest… for a while, anyway. Next time, it'll probably be something easier… I think. Idk. It hasn't happened yet. ON WITH THE STORY…  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Oh shnap. The Popo's in zee HOUSSEEEEE! (Ahh! I've gone wigga!)  
**Know your stars… know your stars…. Know your stars…. Charlie Swan…. is a mentally retarded man who once had an operation to make himself smart, and it succeeded, giving him an IQ of somewhere around 210 and suddenly had all of his knowledge faded away back into the land of RETARD-NATION, RETARD-NATION! PEACE! THE WORLD IS ROUND (usually, someone makes a square with their fingers after "round". Picture The Greasers telling JD that he's a square in Scrubs if you don't get this)  
**Charlie: -gasp- NO! I AM OFFENDED THAT YOU WOULD SPEAK OF THE MENTALLY CHALLENGED LIKE THAT!  
**Charlie Swan… was a unicorn that followed an annoying pair of other unicorns to "Candy Mountain", only to get his kidney stolen…  
**Charlie: Huh? No I wasn't!  
**Charlie Swan… was in that one movie with that ugly, scary Dakota Fanning or wtf ever her last name is.  
**Charlie: Uh, no… -face is turning red-  
**Charlie Swan… COME SAIL AWAY! COME SAIL AWAY, COME SAIL AWAY WITH MEEEEE!**  
Charlie: AUGH! Random!  
Called for: -randomly walks in- PSSHHH –slaps Charlie and runs off to the Coconut Convention-  
**Charlie Swan…. has got a love-a-ly bunch of coconuts…. Here they are a standing in a rowww….  
**All: BIG ONES, SMALL ONES, SOME AS BIG AS YOUR HEAD! Give 'em a twist, a flick of the wrist. That is what the chairman said…  
Charlie: Also very random. Why would I have coconuts, anyway?  
**Because, there's a coconut convention going on until Saturday!!  
**Charlie: Then why wouldn't all the coconuts be there?  
**Because…. THEY'RE PLOT DEVICES!  
**All: GASP!  
Charlie: What does that have to do with- AH, FORGET IT!!!  
**Charlie Swan……this one time, at band camp, he fell out of a tree and broke his arm….  
**Charlie: Actually, it was my ankle-don't ask.  
**Charlie Cullen…. The teacher once asked him what the capitol of North Carolina was. He said Washington D.C. The teacher said, "You're wrong." Then he replied "You have a lumpy butt." Then he peed himself and stayed in his dirty pee-pants all day…  
**Charlie: Did not!  
**Did too.  
**Charlie: NOT!  
**Too.**  
Borat: …NOOOTTT! –poof-  
Charlie: Where'd he come from?  
**I have no idea…. Anyway…  
Charlie Swan…. once choked on a grain of rice…  
**Charlie: -face is purple by now- GRR. NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! Say something true about me if you're going to say anything.  
**Charlie Swan… has known all along that Jacob was a werewolf, along with Sam Uley, and that the Cullens' were vampires this whole time…  
**Charlie: WHAT?!  
**Er… you didn't know?  
**Charlie: I- I- II- ISAAABEELLLAAA SWAAAAN! GET YOUR BUTT OUT HERE RIGHT NOW AND EXPLAIN WHY YOU NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT ALL OF THESE MONSTERS!!!  
Bella: Oh thanks A LOT, stupid voice. What are you gonna tell him now? The truth behind all of those trips that I've been lying about?  
Charlie: WHAT?! Ohh, you are BEYOND grounded. You aren't even going to COLLAGE you're so grounded!!  
**Oh Jaaacoobb….**  
Jacob: What NOW?  
**For twenty dollars, smooth the situation over with Charlie, please.**  
Jacob: No.  
**Twenty and a muffler for a 1960's V-dub Beetle?  
**Jacob: … okay, fine. Darn it, I just love my V-dubs.  
Guy from the Volkswagen Commercials: GERMAN ENGINEERING IN ZEE HOUSE! -poof-  
Jacob: Um, Charlie… allow me to explain. You see, the Cullens are all vampires, but they don't hurt people. But they've been plotting to make my Bella Muerte here (Sam (in thoughs): Beautiful Death?! WTF JACOB!?) a vampire, which would break the treaty, even though I've already broken it, and start a war between Vampires and Werewolves.  
Charlie: …  
Billy: J-JACOB BLAAAACCKKK!!! I'm going to BEAT YOU with this walker! –grabs a random walker…yes, he's still in that power chair-  
Carlisle: Edward…. –shakes head- it's pointless to beat you up…  
Edward: Let's just be the good example and calmly and rationally talk things over.  
Carlisle: Fine with me.  
Charlie: Do you happen to have another walker, Billy? Isabella has been acting out as well. (Everyone in their minds: Wait, acting out?! WTF?!)  
Billy: Sorry, we're taking turns with this walker. Oh well.  
Carlisle: Is it just me, or does this seem like it would never happen in real life to be attacking a werewolf and a girl who's taken a trip to Phoenix and spent three days in Italy looking for you with a walker?  
Edward: Well, no… I think that voice has something to do with it.  
Jacob: GRR- RAWWWWRR! -goes werewolf on everyone-  
Sam: Aw, great… now I have to think him down. Being the alpha wolf is quite exhausting… -sigh-

**AND NOW YOU KNOW…. Charlie Swan, the cop who was in the movie "Charlie", was a unicorn that got his kidney stolen, was in a movie with Dakota Fattening (Bwahaha, evil nicknaming abilities…), wants to SAIL AWAY WITH MEEEEE!, has a love-e-ly bunch of coconuts, broke his arm at Band Camp, thought the capitol of North Carolina was Washington D.C., once choked on a grain of rice, peed himself and stayed in his dirty pee-pants all day, knew about the werewolves and vampires this whole time, and started a big fight…. –sigh-**

Charlie: I'LL GET YOU, MEH UGLY! AND YOUR LITTLE DOG TOO!!  
**No you won't.**

END.  
----------------------------------------------------  
Next time, VICTORIA! Whoo!

Note: If you've wondered why we haven't done Rosalie yet, well… she's been running away from us lately and refusing to let us know her. But we'll get her soon. (Rosalie from somewhere in the distance: You'll never take me alive! Ooh! OMG SHOES! Alice, come quick, these are CUTE!)  
I promise. 


	15. Victoria feed the FLAMES!

Make your choice. They say you've been pleading…  
SOMEONE SAVE US.   
Because we're TINY! WE'RE TOONY! WE'RE ALL A LITTLE LOONY!  
And we're also insane… KUPO!

YAY! We're back! 

N-O-T-E--F-R-O-M--K-I-N-G-D-O-M-M-E-W-F-R-U-I-T-S:  
I'm here in Japan and things are NOT looking good. Scared of Account Theft, that's all I can say.  
Also, THEY HAVE KINGDOM HEARTS 2: FINAL MIX AND RE: CHAIN OF MEMORIES! I want 'em. -puppy dog eyes-

Disclaimer: We don't own the Twilight series, and we are using it without permission, but hey! That's what's great about fanfics- you usually don't NEED permission! n.n We are also normal humans, so we don't own anything the normal humans don't, for example: those lyrics above. Or Hot Topic. I also took a very funny line from someone's Myspace, so thanks for that inside joke, whoever you are.And...er... thanks to L.C. Candle for being like, the person who inspired all Twilight fanfic writers

VICTORIIAAA! Yay! It's The Flamer's turn! WHOOT!  
Mmm… I want pizza (omc! Random!)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Alllll that! Alllll tha-ahhttt.  
KNOW YOUR STAR...KNOW YOUR STAR...know your stars... know your stars... VICTORIA... Is a cute little chipmunk! YAY! I love squirrels!  
Victoria: -hiss-  
Victoria….gives all redheads a bad name! SHAME ON YOUUU! You are what is making natural blondes and redheads go EXTINCT!  
Victoria: What?! –HISS-  
Victoria…her hair is really FIRE!  
Victoria: No… actually, it just looks like it.  
Victoria… do you have the keys to the hotel? 'Cause she's gonna string this "place" (we're corrupting brains enough without adding bad words...) on FIRE! FIIIIIREEEEEEEE! –insert killer guitar riff HERE-  
Victoria: ... this just got WEIRD. I'm gonna have to kill you TWICE!!  
It was weird from the beginning, love.  
Victoria: -HISSSS-  
Victoria...can I have some of your date-rape smoothie?  
Victoria: -absolute look of WTF?!-  
Victoria... in the theories of what happens to Eclipse, people predict that she will attack Bella, causing her to become a vampire.  
Victoria: Actually, that's true.  
Victoria... Another theory regarding her is that she dresses up as a stuffed pepper and parades around in the "Stuffed Pepper Day Pride Parade'  
Victoria: There is no such thing and NO I DON'T!  
Victoria... Is in a glass case of emotion along with JASPER!  
Everyone: GASP!  
Jasper: Heheheh... there you go again... -growl-  
Victoria: -growl-  
Justin Timberlake: DID SOMEBODY SAY THEY'RE HUNGRY?!  
GET OUT OF HERE, JUSTIN! You aren't needed!  
-POOF!-  
Victoria…. Is a cotton-headed ninny-muggins!  
Elves: overdramatic GASP!  
Victoria: (whispering) Where are you..? THERE YOU ARE!  
_Victoria sees a mysterious figure walking behind a scrim and moves to pounce on the person (scrim and all) and flings herself at it. The person moves at the very last moment, causing Victoria to hit the VERY hard wall behind it.  
_Person: ...Um... (Steps out from behind scrim).  
Everyone: GASP! A GIRL!  
Girl: I'm not the voice. I'm just a techie that you aren't supposed to see… I was fixing some of the lights behind the scrim when I smelled and saw a shadow coming at me at super speed... sorry. –POOF!-  
Victoria: Ohh, my BAACCKK. MY ACHING BACK! AND HEAD! I'll heal cause I'm a vampire, and surely that would've killed me if I wasn't... BUT AUUGHH! OW!

Ooh, that had to hurt…

NOW YOU KNOW….Victoria, the vampire chipmunk who gives all vampires a bad name, has fire for hair, is gonna string this "place" on FIRE! FIIIIIREEEEEEEE, has a date-rape smoothie, (according to theories) will attack Bella, which will make her a vampire, also is going to dress like a giant stuffed pepper in the Stuffed Pepper Pride Day Parade, is in a glass case of emotion with Jasper, is a cotton-headed-ninny-muggins, and just hurt herself.

Victoria: I'm gonna walk this off, then I'm gonna KILL YOU!  
Jacob: There she is! GET HER!!!  
Victoria: -runs- This will be the day you'll always remember as the day you ALMOST caught Victoria Sparrow! (All in their heads: Wait, WTF?!)  
THE END. Now come one, come all to this tragic affair. Wipe off that makeup, what's in is despair. Now throw on the black dress, mix in with the lot…  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Next time, it's… TIME TO GO BACK IN TIME TO SEE JAMMEEESSSS! Ahaha, JAMES.  
O.o See you then…

Hollywoodhaha is also going to a mcr concert on Wednesday


	16. James is Beautiful

Ehehehe…. James' turn…

THE DISCLAIMER IS AT THE END OF THE STORY, SINCE Wii, as humble (NOT) authoresses, do not wish to spoil a single spoonful for you. Whatever that means.

AHAHA! We have some (Kobe) Beefs with a few boys named James… so things might get…errr… _weird_. Just to warn you. Ha! As if it wasn't weird enough already…

-------------------------------------------------------------------  
Due to a recent UP in our budget, we've been able to purchase an average, normal, as-seen-on-TV-and-Napoleon-Dynamite- Time machine! Yes, it hurts, but we put in just the RIGHT amount of crystals and used a Japanese low-wattage power outlet, so everything is just YOUR BEAUTIFULLL! And it works! We've been sent back to the SHOCKING, normal year of 2003! Ahhhhhh! It's so… PRIMATIVE HERE! -gasp gasp choke gasp gasp!-  
**KNOW YOUR STARS… know your stars… know your stars….know your stars…. Jamiebelle Nantucket…**  
James: My name isn't Jamiebelle Nantucket.  
**James…. It's totally true that 98.9 percent of all people whose name contains "James" are HOT! Jacobs also work (on a lower percentage, though) because James is derived from Jacob… I think.   
**James: Rawr. –flashes a "call me" sign to the crowd of readers-  
**Uhhh, okay then…. Tinkerbelle…. Is a fairy boy…  
**James: Did you just call me Tinkerbelle?  
**Ask your docter about… ASTILINEEE! (SP?!)**  
James: HISSSS  
**Jamiebelle…. You are a total fairy boy.  
**James: I AM NOT A FAIRY BOY!  
Loz: YOU MEANIE! –poof-  
**James Blunt….  
**James: Uh, that's not my name!! –growl-  
**Billy Jim Bob…**   
James: I'm not Billy Jim Bob!  
**Sorry, Billy Jim Bob Joe… is a shiny, distracting fairy boy…**  
James: I AM NOT A FREAKING FAIRY BOY! Get my name right! It's JAMES.  
**Bobbert-**  
James: How did you get Bobbert out of freaking James?!  
**Roberto!  
**James: Not! NOT!  
**Ronald Mc. Donald!  
**James: This is getting crazy. That's not my name either.  
**BOBBY!**  
James: Er… wait a second… NOOOOO!!!  
-Time machine takes us back to… (GASP) THE WATER BOY!-  
Team: Gaatttooraaaiidde…  
Bobby: H2O!  
Team: Gaaattoooraaaaidee…  
Bobby: H2O!  
Team: WAAATER SUCKS! IT REALLY, REALLY SUCKS! WAAAATER SUCKS! IT REALLY REALLY SUCCCKKKKS!  
Bobby: No, YOU SUCK!! RAAWWHGHGHGHGTWAWAF! –TACKLE!-  
-POOF-  
James: Errr… Um….  
**Mary Jane Watson… IS THE DEBLE!  
**James: -hiss- I'm gonna kill you, I SWEAR!  
**-AND NOW! OUR MUSICAL GUEST…. THE IT'S TOUGH TO BE A BUG SINGER…THINGIES! YEAH!-  
**_WE'RE POLLINATOORS!  
WE'RE POLINATORS!  
If you like vegetables  
Fresh fruit and flowers,  
Give thanks to us bugs for our marvelous powers!  
And if it weren't for the fact  
That we liked the taste  
You'd be up there WALLOWING  
In shoulder-high waste…  
Shoulder-high waste!  
Annnd ifff  
ALL BUGS WERE WIPED OFF  
THE FACE OF THE PLANET!  
THERE'D SOON BE NO HUMANS  
AROUND HERE TO FAN IT!  
The best thing about us,  
You can't live without us  
Still it's TOUGH-TO-BE-A-BUUUGGGGGG!  
_  
-Crickets-

-Applause and applesauce-

James: AUGH! IT'S FREAKING APPLESAUCE! I hate applesauce! It's human mush food!!!

**AND NOW, A GRANDE FINALE OF STARBUCKS PROPORTIONS…  
**Called for (rides in on a giant peach)- HUZZAH! HUZZAH! HUZZAH! –Continues to chant HUZZAH!-  
-Giant peach rolls over James-  
**EHEHE! JAMES AND THE GIANT PEACH ALL OVER AGAIN!!!**  
James: Ahh! All I can taste is PEACH! And what's with all the bugs?! Eww, I hate bugs! I WANT MY LAWER! Or my AUTHOR, better yet, GET ME MY AUTHOR! –peach rolls off into the distance and Called For skips around in a circle before slapping the time machine and getting us back to good 'ol 07! WHOO!-  
**YES! I love my job. Ahaha.  
Now you know… JAMIEBELLE BILLY JIM BOB JOE ROBERTO BOBBERT BOBBY MARY JANE WATSON MCDONALD NANTUCKET! –takes a deep breath- GOD that was hard to say.  
**  
ZEE EINDDD.  
------------------------------------------------------------------  
Well, that was… uh_, interesting. _ Now, to CAPTURE ROSALIE! This might take awhile, so we might skip to Laurent… sorry! She's so darn slippery, I swear!  
Rosalie: BWAHAHAH!

DISCLAIMER: We do not own Twilight, New Moon, or the upcoming Eclipse. But we can't WAIT for that last one. We also do not own All That, Starbucks, It's Tough to be a Bug, The Waterboy, James and the Giant Peach, Astiline (SP?!?), that atrocious YOUR BEAUTIFULLL! YOUR BEAUTIFUULLL song, or Napoleon Dynamite.


	17. Laurent iserhm

ToDay Is TaLk In WeiRd RaNdoM CapS LetTters Day!!  
DiScLaimer aT ThE End Of StOry.  
MeEp MuFfIns SoUnDs like MeAt MuFfInS!

Okay, enough of that.

Note from KMF: MY TEETH HURT! I hate getting cleanings! AUGH! I had to go to MEDICAL AGAIN TODAY! Can't you just FEEL my chagrin RADIATING from your computers?  
Note from HWHH: Meat muffins? Ew. I JUST SAW MCR IN CONCERT! TRIPLE FREAKING WHOOT!  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Laurent's turn! Thanks to our NEW FANGLED HIGH VERLOCITYMEAN PICKLED PLUM MACHINE, of course.

LaUreNt: Aloha! Hello! Konnichiwa! Konbanwa! Other Japanese Greetings! Bonjour! Hi! Yo! Hola! Sup!? Dawwwwggggs….  
OMG! WHITE!!! WHIIIIITEEEEE!

**KNOW YOUR STARS… know your stars…. KnOw YoUR StARs….. KnOw YoUr StArS…. kNoW yOuR sTaRs…. You doth knoweth thine stars…. LAURENT! Is a pickle head.  
**Laurent: Uh, say _what_ now?  
**What now.**  
Laurent: That's not what I meant…  
CaLLeD FOr: WHOOPAH! –slaps and runs off-  
LauRenT: OW!  
**Sissy.  
**LauREnT: I'm not a sissy!  
**Then you aren't Laurent. BRING ME LAURENT!  
**LAuReNT: Ahh! Okay, I'll start being a sissy!!!  
**No, you're Laurent. I can tell. BRING ME ROSALIE OR DIEEEE A PAINFUL DEATH IN A FEW YEARS THANKS TO THE WOLFIES!  
**-Three Hours Later-  
LAUrENt: I couldn't get her, she hates me. Were you serious about that death thing?  
**Er, no… um, I SHALL NOW MAKE YOU FORGET ABOUT THAT! –A…uh… "Mysterious Person" jumps out of the bushes… the person has been attacked by us during a certain chapter involving a prep and 14 song references…remember the bottle of pills? Hehehe… let's say there was an overdose and a couple of shiny objects involved in this "mysterious person's" behavior-  
**MyStEriOus PerSoN: -waves shiny gold necklace with a golden charm in the shape of a unicorn head- Forgeettttttt.  
Laurent: OKAY! –poof!-  
**Alright, let's get OUTTA HERE! CALLED FOR AND MYSTERIOUS PERSON (who I shall give a codename of DuBYa), HOP ON YOUR TIME MACHINES BACK TO OUR GLORIOUS YEAR OF '07!!!  
And know you know…. LAURENT THE SISSY! Wow, this chapter was POINTLESS so far!  
**

  
**NOT THE END YET!****  
**  
The director called out, "That's a wrap, everyone!" And the lights went out. The stage shut down for the night. One hour later, Rosalie stepped up slowly to the stage in a beautiful, shimmery, hoop skirted light pink dress. "This will be the ULTIMATE way to show my beauty and look glamorous! Television! I'm ready for my fifteen minutes of fame." She sits on the couch, waiting for the voice. "Voice? VOICE?! I'm waiting here!! Come on!"  
But no one was there. Not even the deep voices. She'd come too late. Rosalie frowned deeply and got up. "I guess I'll try again later." She walked off of the stage slowly and out the door.  
The next morning, everyone arrived for sound check and rehearsal. Jacob walked by the infamous red couch of DOOOOOOM, and smelled something sweet. Something sickly sweet. He knew right away. Vampire.  
He yelled up to the Voice, "HEY! VOICE, I SMELL FRESH VAMPIRE SCENT ON THIS COUCH! IT'S ONLY ABOUT 14 HOURS OLD! FEMALE VAMPIRE! AND I FOUND A BLONDE HAIR!!!"  
The voice let out a deep, overdramatic gasp and replied, "THIS CAN ONLY BE ONE PERSON: Rosalie. We JUST had her!! AUGH! I cannot BEGIN to express my deep and complex layers and layers upon LAYERS of FRUSTRATION! Right in our clutches, and we were ALL ASLEEP!! That's it! Hey, DIRECTOR PERSON!"  
The director ran up to the couch and yelled, "WHAT?!"  
"ORDER NO ONE TO SLEEP… although I should just do it myself, I'm feeling rather lazy, so please, please just tell everyone NOT to sleep. Except for the vampires, they can't sleep anyway, but whatever! GO!"  
So the director did. He went to EVERYONE and ordered them not to sleep, which made them all furious. Meanwhile, Rosalie sat on her couch and hit "Play" on the remote to the Cullen's TiVo. She was going to watch that night's previous episode of All That. Featuring: LAURENT!! Whoot! She was deciding very _carefully_ when to return to that stupid studio to be "KNOWN FOR THE STAR SHE IS BE!" Then , a commercial came on for an Italian restaurant somewhere in Japan with the message of "I AM COOK FOR YOU!" She wondered why on EARTH she was getting Japanese commercials and fast-forwarded to the Know your Stars part of the show…

WHEN WILL ROSALIE DECIDE TO SHOW UP?! WHO WILL BE NEXT?! WHY ARE WE STILL READING THIS GAAAAAAAAAAAAARBAGE!? We will find out soon, TRUST ME! Until then, GOOD FIGHT, GOOD NIGHT!!

_Disclaimer: We are not affiliated with Stephenie Meyer or her publishers and we have nothing to do with her books; Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse. We only read and obsess over them. We also do not own All That, Celebrity Death Match, or TiVo. We thank you for reading this crappy parody and supporting us in our quest to corrupt the brains of Twilight Series fans everywhere! Also, fans of other junk, such as My Chemical Romance (MUSICAL CRACK, MAAAAAAN!), Fruits Basket (MANGA CRACK, MAAAAAN), and Starbucks (MICROWAVABLE CRACK, MAAAAN!)… we also don't own that stuff and aren't affiliated with MCR. Thanks to J for the Microwaveable Crack joke. Sorry for using it without permission. AHH! I'M RITSU! I'M SORRY! I'M SOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! GOMEN NASAI! GOMEN NASAAAIIIII!!!_


	18. Ill take Rapists for 500

Hey there, hi there, ho there! You're as welcome as can be!  
M-I-K---EY W-AY! MIKEY WAY! Frank-ie! MIKEY WAY! FRANKIIIEEE! Forever let us hold our banner high- HIGH! HIGH! HIGH! I was gonna clean my room until I got high… O.o

Welcome to another insane chapter! Rawr!

Depending on how long it takes you to read something, by the time you've read this message, at least 2 people have committed suicide. Lovely thought, eh?

Well, lets' get started! As usual, the disclaimer is at the end.  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Today, it's THE PORT ANGELAS RAPISTS! Sorry if I spelled that wrong… hey, you remember that gang of dudes, right?  
Edward: I remember all too well… -growls-  
Bella: Um, please don't attack anyone. It's embarrassing enough to be here…  
Edward: -Rawr- Okay.

**KNOW YO STAHHSSS, 'FOO! Know your stars… know your stars… GA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-RIA! DIARRHEA! Wouldn't that make a horrible name for a child? Wouldn't put it passed some parents today what with their creative naming skillz… "Aww, little Diarrhea is sad? Let mommy fix it…" O.o Oh god, forget I said anything… KNOW YOUR STARS, KNOW YOUR STARS… The Rapists (who shall be identified as R1, R2, R3, and L1)… were once THE NINJA TURTLES!!  
**L1: Sure. Right.  
R3: Wanna piece of me, hot stuff?!  
**Um… no thanks… -gags-**  
R2: Yo dawg, this is some craaazzy b.s…  
R2….. The cutest little droid in Carburetor County! (Sp?! Holy crap, Microsoft Wooorrddd is messed UP!)  
R2: Wtf?!  
R1: Ahh, there you are again, sweet stuff.  
Bella: Oh—god--  
Edward: RAWWWRRR!  
Jacob: DOUBLE RAWR!  
Dubya: GASP! Could it actually be---? ALAS! JACOB AND EDWARD WORKING TOGETHER! Huzzah for Eclipse theories!  
Called For: HUZZAH!  
Edward and Jacob: -Look at each other for a moment- _Ewwww!  
_Jacob: EDWARD HAS COOTIES!  
Edward: Since when did YOU go back to 2nd grade, Mr. I'm Such A Tough Little Puppy Dog?  
Jacob: What did you just call me?  
Bella: GUYS! BACK ON TOPIC!  
Edward: Right. –Sits back next to Bella off-screen becoming very defensive… who cares what Jacob was doing? Probably exploding in the corner… poor puppy… OH GOD! IT'S THE FAN! HE'S ENJOYING THE PELT BREEZE AGAIN!-  
**ANWAY… r4's… Have formed a boy band of the same title.**  
R1: HI! WE'RE R4!!! And we have a new pop song for you! YAY!

_Ooohhh, I'm a tough guyyyyyy-yy-y-y-!  
Ooh, I'm noooo-ooooo-otttt…  
BUT WE'RE COOL! AND  
WE LOOOVEE YOUUUU!  
BECAUSE THIS IS A BAD POP SONG!  
-Insert crazy boyband dance moves HERE!-  
_  
-crickets-

**Um, wow… R4's…They're the Beef.**  
r2: HUH?  
** C'mon, that was totally MasterCard.**  
L1: WTF ARE YOU TALKING 'BOUT?  
**Okay, well, this is TOTALLY not Visa!**  
R1: You're not making sense.  
**HELLO?! Have you NOT read Bad Kitty?!**  
R3: No… reading is for dummies.  
**Visa: Everywhere you want to be  
MasterCard: Priceless  
Beef: It's what's for dinner.  
DUH! OMG! YOU ARE BOGUS! And you're UGLIES! Stay out of New Pretty Town if you value your life!**

R2: Beep beep- booooopp. –Brain melts-  
L1: This is some seriously whacked crap, man! Let's get out of here!!  
R2: I LIKE CHEEEEEEESSEEEEE!!!  
R1: Not until I steal little lady over here. Come to papa. –Licks lips-  
Bella: OMG! EWW!! Someone save me!!!  
Edward: We'll do this together… god, I can't believe it.  
Jacob: Let's do this.  
-Just as the team starts to run up to R1, Called For beats him to half to death and the r4's take off-  
I'll take THE RAPISTS for 500, Alex.  
Alex: … THAT'S THERAPISTS, YOU TWIT!

ZEE EIND!  
**That was crap. Serious, major-league, big, giagantic, CRAP. Not one of KMF's favorites. It's not even very long… sorry, but Rosalie (IF she decides to show up) will have an epic chapter. Yeah, I said EPIC. Darn, those I-Love-MCR-Too-Much-For-My-Own-Good habits are showing…  
Well, next time, I guess we'll start with Quil. I know, "Fill in, non-important characters?! What the crap?!" Well, our next chapters will make up for the lack of decent reading material, I promise.  
-End NOTE-  
**  
Rosalie: I just don't know… should I even come BACK?!  
Please?  
Rosalie: Not now, I'm making an important decision!  
Fine…

_DISCLAIMER: We do not own and are not affiliated with the following and we do not personally know anyone actually mentioned in this chapter. They include: My Chemical Romance, Stephenie Meyer, Twilight, Bad Kitty, Uglies, Pretties, Specials, Cars, Star Wars, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (HEROS IN A HALF SHEEELLL! TURTLE POWER!), New Moon, Eclipse, Kelly, MasterCard, Visa, and the Beef slogan. And Saturday Night Live's old Celebrity Jeopardy! Skit. Thanks for putting up with us. Much love._


	19. Quils Special Friend

"And in my honest observation  
During this operation  
Found a complication in your heart  
So long…  
Cause now you've got  
MAYBE JUST TWO WEEKS TO LIVE.  
IS THAT THE MOST THE BOTH OF YOU CAN DO!??!"

Sorry, but this time we have a very short chapter…, I don't have enough info on Quil to do some major writing. That's the problem with minor characters. I should totally put this off for Eclipse, but whatever. This is the result of the rest of a 1.5 liter Japanese Diet Coke, Myspace, a time difference, and a life lived in between Pleasure and Grilled Cheese aspirations. Dedicated to all of you DEDICATED readers (you know who you are).  
-KingdomMewFruits.

This is a very Kingdom Hearts influenced fic. We apologize in advance.

DISCLAIMER AT THE END.  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Know your stars… know your stars…kn- yeah, you know the rest. QUIL! He's a huge Fergie fan.  
**Quil: Ummmm… Fergie? No, she spells stuff to much. Is her IQ like, 10?  
Fergie: You aren't c-o-o-l! I c-a-n remember how to s-p-e-l-l!!  
**Okay, then spell… Pickles.  
**Fergie: P-i-c-k-l-e-s.  
Quil: WOW! HOW'D SHE DO THAT?!  
Fergie: Cause I'm FERGALISIOUS!  
Larxene: NIGHTY NIGHT, YOU SHAM! -POOF'S away with Stacy… BAWAHAHAH! FERGIE GOT PWND! (Fergie: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!)-  
Quil: … Nighty Night, you SHAM?! What on EARTH?!  
**She's not on Earth. SHE'S A DEEADDD NOBODY! ** (NOTE: "Nighty night, you sham!" is a translation of something Larxene says in RE: Chain of Memories… this is for all of you Kingdom Hearts fans. For those who aren't familiar with Larxene, she's a sadistic bee-ouch that wears knifes between her fingers in a bad impersonation of Wolverine. She has blonde hair with these weird parts that stick up almost like antennae.)  
Quil: Okay.  
**Quil… is to calm… I suspect Jasper.  
**Quil: Um, no… Jasper? I beat a Jasper once…  
All: GASP!  
Quil: But then he like, totally pwn'd me and I turned into a werewolf, and I was like WHOA! And he was like OMGWHOA! And they were like Whooaaaa…  
**Quil… little Wolfie Quil-Quil, hopping through the forest, scooping up Laurent and bobbing him on the head…  
**Quil: Laurent? I beat a Laurent once…  
Jacob: Yeah, we KNOW. Plus, I WAS THE ONE DOING ALL THE WORK!!!  
Quil: Ooh…. –pwnd-  
Edward: What is up with everyone saying and being Pwnd today?  
Dubya: -shrugs- TACOS!  
Esme: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
**Wow, we sure are getting awfully sidetracked today, aren't we?  
Anyway, QUIL… his theme song is Our Lady of Sorrows.  
**Quil: HECK YES! –inspirational music starts-

"Stand up fking tall, don't let them see your back  
AND TAKE my fking hand and never be afraid again!  
We've only got one chance to put things at an end…"

Jacob: BEST BUDDIES FOR LIFE!  
Quil: DECODER RING BUDDIES-  
Both: ACTIVATE!  
Jacob: Form of an ice menorah! (sp!?)  
Quil: Errrmm, form of… A WEREWOLF!  
Jabob: Aww, let's do something else… I'M ALWAYS THE ICE MENORAH!  
Quil: Rawr. Fine…  
Jacob: FORM OF- ROXAS! WOOT!  
Quil: Form of… -sigh- Axel… GOT IT MEMORIZED?!

**NoooooooooOooooOOooOooOoOoOooOOo!   
**  
Quil: His decision, not mine…  
Jacob: AXYPOO!  
Quil: -sigh- Roxypoo… -rolls eyes-  
Jacob: … YOU'RE MY BEEEEEESSTEEEST FRIEND. –Twitch- 

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo I feel a MUSICAL GUEST COMING ON!  
Today it's… TOYBOX! With their hit song that's in just about every dang Kingdom Hearts parody or AMV on this planet… BEST FRIEND!

_hooha! hooha!_

na na nannaanan!  
(2x)  
Have you ever been in love?

He's my best friend best of all best friends  
Do you have a best friend too?  
It tickles in my tummy he's so yummy yummy  
Hey you should get a best friend too

hooha! hooha! 

Hello, baby, can I see a smile  
I'm going to a party, and it's gonna be wild  
Can I come, I am sitting alone  
No, friends are never alone

That's right!

Maybe some pretty girls are in your world  
Excuse me, I could also be your girl  
Lately, everyone is making fun  
Na na na na na na na na na na na na

He's my best friend, best of all best friends  
Do you have a best friend too?  
It tickles in my tummy, he's so yummy yummy  
Hey, you should get a best friend too  
My best friend!

hooha! hooha! (2x)  
nananananananana  
Hooha Hooho

Aloha baby, let's go to the beach  
Yeah, girls in bikini are waiting for me (uh huh)  
But I was hoping for a summer-romance  
So why can't you take a chance  
Oh yeah!

Maybe some pretty girls are in your world  
Excuse me, I could also be your girl  
Lately, everyone is making fun  
Na na na na na na na na na na na

He's my best friend, best of all best friends  
Do you have a best friend too?  
He tickles in my tummy, he's so yummy yummy  
Hey, you should get a best friend too!  
My best friend!

Hooha hooha (3x)  
nananananananana

Maybe some pretty girls are in your world  
Excuse me, I could also be your girl  
Lately, everyone is making fun

Let's get this party on,  
Hit me with that lazer-gun!

oh whao oh (2x)

you should get a best friend too

He's my best friend, best of all best friends  
Do you have a best friend too?  
It tickles in my tummy, he's so yummy yummy  
Hey, you should get a best friend too!  
My best friend!

hooha hooha (2x)  
he's so sweet  
nananananananan!__

  
**Wow, I'm going to have to end this now… OO  
**Jacob: Aww, decoder ring buddies is OVER?!  
**Jacob, TAKE THE STUPID RING OFF AND GET OFF THE STAGE! You too, Quil!**

END.

Wow, I never realized how long Best Friend was… Oo

Dang it, that song is going to be in my head all night now. –Rawr-

_DISCLAIMER: We do not know Toybox or Fergie or anyone affiliated with Square-Enix and Disney. Or The Sims 2, for we are not Maxis or their crack team of programmers. We also do not own Kingdom Hearts Re: Chain of Memories and Kingdom Hearts 2: Final Mix. Special thanks to lyrics007 for the lyrics to Best Friend by Toybox. We do not own Twilight or any of the other books in Stephenie Meyer's wonderful series. We do not own All That and we are not associated with Nickelodeon in any way, shape, or form. Thanks for reading and supporting us._


	20. Emily Epic

GO, GO POWER RANGEERRRSS!!!

Wow. Random…

This chapter that you've stumbled upon will be EPIC!!! And by that, I mainly mean… LONGER THAN WHAT WE'VE BEEN POSTING! Huzzah!

Emily, it's your TIME TO SHINE! Get up on that couch you big, beautiful thing you!!! No, no I wasn't calling you fat. No, I didn't mean to offend anyone. No. No. Sorry… Emily, please don't cry. You're scar is fine. No, no, I'm not staring. No. Oh my god, just GET ON THE COUCH AND SHUT IT!! RAWR!!

A note from KingdomMewFruits:  
Okay, first off, I'd like to point out that I forgot to mention Scrubs in the disclaimer last time… that's where we got the whole "decoder ring buddies" thing. Also, I noticed something that's been bugging me… I WROTE THE WRONG LYRICS TO HEADFIRST FOR HALOS IN SAM'S CHAPTER! NOOOOOOO!!! You see, I was listening to the Life on the Murder Scene version, and I wasn't really paying attention to it THAT much, so… uhh, when you do that a lot, you kinda start hearing mispronunciations and you misinterpret the lyrics… so it really **really** started to sound like "scalp" instead of "skull" and it really sounded like "we'll fly higggghhhhhh" instead of "we'll fly hooooooooomeee"… that was bugging me, I'm sorry.  
This one is based on out-in-town observations of the MAGNIFICENT land of Japan. At the end, I'll include even MORE long, boring, superfluous commentary! Why? TO BE SUPERFLUOUS!  
That is all for now…  
-KmF-  
------------------------------------------------------  
**Know your stars… know your stars… ****あなたの星を知りなさい****know those darned 'ol stars… EMILY! She's the real life version of Cooking Mama.  
**Emily: Am not.  
SUDDENLY…  
WE'RE IN KITCHEN STADIUM?! Wtf?!  
_Our Iron Chef Jacob Black is attempting to make what looks like scrambled eggs and bacon… the tension runs high as there is only five minutes on the clock. Honestly, I don't know WHAT Jacob has been doing that prompted him to wait until the five minute mark to start cooking.  
_Jacob: PASS THE BACON! QUICKLY!  
_He's throwing the bacon viciously into the pan… wow. That's a lot of bacon. 3 packs. That's a heart attack waiting to happen…  
And there goes the first eggs… wait, FOUR DOZEN!? My god! These werewolves sure can EAT.  
_Sam: Jacob! You forgot the sausage!! Wait, are you cooking in a wok? No, no, USE THE GIANT SKILLET!  
Jacob: I am using the giant skillet! HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT THIS IS THE GIANT SKILLET! IT'S GIANT, FOR CRAP'S SAKE!!  
Sam: Yeah, but just a second ago you were using th-  
Female robo-voice: Three minutes.  
Sam: CRAP! Hurry, hurry, Jacooob…  
_It appears that Jacob has added a very very LARGE bag of sausage… this could take awhile.  
Wait, now it appears that he's plaiting some eggs… and… OH NO! Ooh, that's gonna be taken off his final score. He's burning the bacon!  
_Jacob: NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CRAP! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!  
FR-V: One minute.  
Sam: JACOB! You just started a FIRE! Oh gooddd, we are SO DEAD.  
Jacob: Wait… no. That's not just a fire, it's-  
FR-V: Thirty seconds.  
Sam: EMILY!  
Buzzer: BBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!  
Emily: -flames in eyes- LET MAMA FIX IT!!!  
Sam: AHHHHHHHH! RUN! SHE'S GONNA HURT US!!!  
Emily: RAAAAWRRRRRRRRRRR –fixes meal-  
_Oooh. I'm sorry. But it looks as if the werewolves have been DISQUALIFIED for having The Ultimate Chef Person take over for them.  
_Jacob: I'm ruined! RUUUIEENNDDD!!!  
Sam: It's okay… -pats Jacob's back-  
Random Japanese panel of judges: -talking in Japanese, then one starts to eat EVERYTHING Mama fixed.-  
BACK TO THE REGULAR SEEETTT…  
Emily: So I went a little overboard, big deal! These are WEREWOLVES, not puppy dogs.  
Jacob: Hey, it's DAWGS. Not dogs. –Rawr-  
**AHEM!  
**All: O.o … -cough- … O.O  
**Thank you.**  
**EMILY…. Our Corpse Bride.  
**Suddenly…  
Musical guests, EVERYONE IN THE LAND OF THE DEAD! –applause-  
_Die, die we all pass away.  
But don't wear a frown  
Because it's really okay.  
You might try to hide  
And you might try to pray  
But we all end up the remains of the day…  
_…  
-applause-  
**HURRAH!  
**Called for: HUZZAH!  
**What is it with Called For and Huzzah? …  
**HUZZAH! HUZZAH! WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A WEDDING!!!  
Emily: -in such shock, she dies-.  
Ms. Plum: -gasp- NEW ARRIVAL!!!

**Err, perhaps we should revive her, eh?  
**Emily: PLEASE DO. –glare-  
**BRING FORTH THE RE-BIRFIN POTION AND 50 CENT, PLEASE.**  
Emily: -Re-birfed-  
50 Cent: Go, go, go, go shaaaaawty. It's your re-birfday-  
-SHOT-  
50: -insert long train of fowl, dirty words, followed by the Myspace F--k list HERE- NOT AGAIN.

**Err, that really didn't go so well…  
**  
**EMILY… famous for steakburgers.  
**Emily: Heh?  
**Emily… Rice-a-roni! The San Francisco treat.  
**Emily: WHAT?!  
**EMILY… runs a craaazzyy Japanese cooking show. I love those.  
**Emily: Prove it.  
-Brings out the Cullen's TV with the TiVo-  
**Hey! Look! It's the People Eating Giant Portions of Food show! Look at that! They're at Emily's restraint called "My House Japan." Interesting… Whaddaya know? A GIANT pizza.  
**Emily: Err…

THE AUTHORS INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM TO BRING YOU…  
Rosalie walks back in to the house after a long shopping trip with Alice only to find her beloved TiVo gone. As well as the newest flat screen that Emmett imported.  
Rosalie: What the crap? What happened?!  
Alice: I think I know…  
-whispers to Rosalie-  
Rosalie: … no! You're kidding me, right?!

WE NOW RETURN TO THE EPISODE OF ALL THAT ALREADY IN PROGRESS.  
**EMILY… drives on the wrong side of the road.  
**Emily: Nuh-uuhhhh.  
**Emily… wears crazy knee socks.  
**Emily: But they're cute… -sad face-  
**EMILY…. Likes to visit the Great Buddha.**  
Emily: He's SO DARNED CUTE!  
**Emily…. Doesn't mind using the squat toilets at the temple that Great Buddha is located in.  
**Emily: Ewwww, I HATE those.  
**Emily… loves sweet potato, green tea, and sea salt ice cream.  
**Emily: Eww, eww, and EW.  
**Actually, green tea ice cream is quite good.  
** **EMILY… has a t-shirt that says "WHAT KIND OF PERFUME ARE YOU WEARING?"**  
Emily: No I don't.  
**EMILY… her Myspace display name is Emily Epic… very emo of you, Em.  
**Emily: No… that's not it.  
**Emily…. YAY FOR HAIR CEMENT!**  
Emily: Uh, huh?  
**SHE SAID YES!  
And I now present… THE CLOUD SONG! WOOT!**

_My name is Cloud.  
I have a sword.  
I fight cactuars  
Because I'm bored.  
I like to ride  
On chocobos  
It's better than  
Having afros.  
And when I go  
Into an inn…  
15 seconds-  
It's day again.  
I will use  
A phoenix down  
So when I die  
I will not frown.  
Because I am Cloud.  
My hair defies all gravity.  
And I can't have too many potions  
Or I might get cavities.  
If I can't slice you  
Then that's okay.  
I'll use my magic  
Anyway._  
_And I will defeat  
That Sepharoth  
Because he's not  
David Lee Roth._

Emily: … I feel dumber for having listened to that…  
**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!  
EMILY… What a-**

Rosalie: OKAY. I'M HERE. What do I have to do to get my TV back?  
All: GASP!  
**My, my, my… Rosalie…**  
Rosalie: Well, GIMMY!!  
**You want your TV back? Alright… you just have to let us get to know you…  
**Rosalie: …  
Rosalie: Okay, I'll do it. Start with the embarrassing questions.  
**Actually, we can't right now. We're in the middle of Emily's session.**  
Emily: Yeah, so back off, vampire girl.  
Rosalie: Oh, ow. What a burn. –rolls eyes-  
Emily: I could take you.  
Rosalie: Okay, Scarface.

Sam: Ohh no. You did NOT.  
Jacob: She did.  
Emily: -twitch twitch-  
Rosalie: Hmph. Bring it!  
Emily: -stands up, glares, then takes out a random AK) SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND! –starts shooting the place up-  
Rosalie: Gunfight, eh? So THAT'S how it's gonna be? –pulls out a gun-

Edward: BELLA! LOOK OUUUTTT!!! –dives to protect Bella from the bullets flying everywhere-  
50 cent: -gets shot twice- THAT'S THE THIRD TIME TODAY!!!  
All of the sudden…

WHEE-WOO! WHEE-WOO! WHEE-WOO! WHEE-WOO!  
50: Oh sh--! The Popos! –takes off-  
-BOOM! The JAPANESE Police burst through the wall- GO GO POWER RANGERRSSS!!  
Japanese cop one: YOU'RE UNDER ARREST FOR SHOOTING THE PLACE UP.  
Emily: How can you arrest us if you aren't from this country?  
Japanese popos: Because we can.  
Rosalie: Yeah. You're REALLY gonna catch me. Stupid Power Ranger cops.  
**ROSALIE. YOUR APPOINTMENT HAS BEEN SCEDUALED FOR NEXT WEEK. PLEASE COME AGAIN.  
**Rosalie: What?  
**Means you're coming back next week, kid.  
**Rosalie: Whatever! We better run!  
**And like a bullet through a flock of doves, Rosalie and Emily had scattered.  
Wow. Well, it looks like we've got a lot of cleaning up to do. Well, that's a wrap for today. Now, ENJOY "You Know what They do to Guys like Us in Prison" by My Chemical Romance!**

_In the middle of a gun fight...  
In the center of a restaurant...   
They say, "Come with your arms raised high!"  
Well, they're never gonna get me,  
Like a bullet through a flock of doves...  
To wage this war against your faith in me,  
Your life...will never be the same.  
On your mother's eyes, say a prayer...say a prayer!_

_Chorus__   
Now, but I can't  
And I don't know  
How we're just two men as God had made us,  
Well, I can't...well, I can!  
Too much, too late, or just not enough of this  
Pain in my heart for your dying wish,  
I'll kiss your lips again._

They all cheat at cards and the checkers are lost,  
My cellmate's a killer, they made me do push-ups (in drag)  
But nobody cares if you're losing yourself...am I losing myself?!  
Well, I miss my mom,  
Will they give me the chair,  
Or lethal injection, or swing from a rope if you dare;  
Ah, nobody knows...all the trouble I've seen! 

_Chorus_

To your room...  
What they ask of you  
Will make you want to say, "So long..."  
Well, I don't remember,  
Why remember...YOU?!

Do you have the keys to the hotel?!  
'Cause I'm gonna string this motherfuer on fire! (FIRE!!)

(insert AWESOME guitar solo..ish thing here!)

Life is but a dream for the dead,  
And well I, I won't go down by myself,  
But I'll go down with my friends.  
Now now now now... (I can't explain)  
Now now now... (I can't complain)  
Now now, yeah!

**THE END.**

Have we FINALLY gotten Rosalie? Methinks so… STAY TUNED, GUYS!

KMF'S Ending Superfluous Commentary (told ya)-  
Well, now I'd just like to say that there are a LOT of food shows in Japan. TONS. Every other CHANNEL of Japanese TV features people downing ridiculous amounts of food. Or they're touring some obscure part of their country. I love Japanese TV, it's crazy. All of the girls like these weird knee socks here. Oh, and I WANT ONE OF THOSE PERFECT SQAURE BACKPACKS!! There were quite a few Kamakura jokes in here. More specifically Hase (hah-say), Kamakura. I went to see the Great Buddha with my parents for Mother's Day… on every corner there was an ice cream shop, offering more and more exotic flavors of ice cream. I got a Vanilla/Green Tea swirl cone. It was awesome… Oh! And btw, Tim Burton is REALLLY popular here. More specifically The Nightmare before Christmas… also, the cops DO look like power rangers. XD  
I just thought I had to get something about cooking mama and make fun of her scar for some reason… and I DO like 50 Cent. Sorry, I just couldn't resist the whole all-rappers-get-shot thing.  
Thanks for reading,  
-KingdomMewFruits-

_DISCLAIMER: We do not own the twilight series, the cloud song, ect. We don't know any of the people listed in this fic. We have nothing to do with All That. We love the Japanese. Thanks to AltaVista Babblefish translator. Thanks to all of the readers and supporters of this fic. You rock._


	21. Very Merry UnBirthday to YOU!

Well, that was our TWENTIETH chapter! And what an EPIC one at that!!! And now... THIS IS TWENTY ONE! -insanity-

There was a special SECRETIVE contest to see who would reach the magical 100th comment...

PEPPERPAD IS THE WINNER! n.n CONGRATS!!

Well, I think I 20th UN-Birfday celebration is called for here. That being said...

**LET'S CELEBRATE! With an added change of form! Ooh! Ahh! Oh.****  
****-----------------------------------------------------------------******

Bella stumbled in to the big Happy 20th UN-Birfday party at the Cullen's place. EVERYONE, and I do mean _everyone_ was there... well, with the exception of Charlie and perhaps Billy. Bella just looked on nervously, wondering what to even DO. There was so much going on!! She settled for hitting the punch bowl, which EVERYONE knows is a hugggee mistake at ANY party... Edward quickly stopped her, reminding her of just how spiked it probably was.  
Carlisle said, "Actually, no. I make sure anyone who even TRIES to spike the punch gets a punch... ehehhe..." He walked back over to Esme.  
Unfortunately, he didn't quite catch EMMETT committing such a heinous crime in the kitchen 15 minutes prior to everyone showing up... Emmett put in a whoolee bag of sugar and some rum and mixed it skillfully into the gigantic punch bowl. Smiling the whole time... prankster! RAWR!  
Bella grabbed a plastic cup and filled it 3/4. With her luck, she'd probably spill the thing before the night was over. Alice skipped over to her as she took a gigantic gulp of the drink... she had been very thirsty. Bella coughed and sputtered as some of it went down the wrong way.  
Alice started with a, "Omg! HI BELLA!" And continued from there... "Isn't this party just the GREATIST?!" Bella stared at her drink with a quizzical expression. "Whoa, someone put way to much sugar in this stuff."  
Suddenly, Esme rushed over. "Oh, darling, I'm sorry! I never thought I'd put too much in it!! Oh, I'll make you another fresh cup of this! Right away!!"  
Emmett came out of virtually nowhere to stop that from happening by saying, "Mom, we've got a problem...err, That Mike idiot threw up all over the place." Esme, who did not particularly favor cleaning up some kid's puke, was reluctant to help. But, being the compassionate person she was, she went off to help anyway, bringing Carlisle with her.  
While trying to make polite small talk with Emmett, she took small sips of her drink, each time being reminded why she was going to stop drinking it. Emmett just beamed at her like she'd won Judge's Pick at the Junior Thespians competition. Before she knew it... the cup was finished.  
"Please, let me get you ANOTHER one!"  
Before Bella could protest, Emmett was already holding out a full cup of punch, with extra additives.  
"Um, thanks..." She took the drink as to not be rude and took a sip. Edward glared from the sidelines. Alice then pulled Bella aside to ask for something... something Bella would NEVER do sober... ever... but Bella was a little on the opposite side of that.

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Now, YOU decide what happens next! We'll be here to update this very same chapter later.  
Much love,  
The Authors... HollyWoodHaHa and KingdomMewFruits.


	22. UnBirthday Part 2

In the words of Alicia Simmons/Way, "Good lord you kids are cawaaaazy."  
Thanks for reading… you're just as crazy as we are, I see. O.o  
The majority leaned towards Bella singing something really embarrassing… and by that, I mean two people. Of course, then there was streaking (cough… let's just put it that way… O.o because that's what would've happened in my head… oohhh… crap) and old game shows. Gosh, you guys REALLY want us to re-do this with couples, don't you?

**PLEASE NOTE THAT THE AUTHORS DO KNOW THE CORRECT LYRICS TO DANCE DANCE. AS A MATTER OF FACT, IF KMF CAN RECALL, HollyWoodHaHa USED TO KICK BUTT AT THAT SONG. SO DO NOT CORRECT, FOOS! You'll see what I mean…**

A note from KingdomMewFruits:  
Even though this was supposed to be really readers choice and all that jazz, I thought I'd add in some madness (you'll see what I mean… since I was only supposed to pick a few good ideas from the readers… but I can't help myself… I need a break from constant tercets, couplets, and limericks for retarded Language Arts). And Rosalie's chapter will be up this SATURDAY for everyone. I would've had HWHH Put it up on Friday, but that is Pirates of the Caribbean day… and NO ONE wants to interrupt POTC3 Discussions between the authors. Sorry about that. I'm really torturing myself with Rose, since I really wanted to get hers up ASAP, but I also wanted to have a reason to drag the story out, as did HollyWoodHaHa, Co-Chief Resident (I'm kidding, Holly… SCRUBS PWNS!!!)  
I'd like to add that this Sunday, I will be taking a tour of Tokyo, this coming up Tuesday I'll either be at a My Chemical Romance concert at Budokan Hall or whining and crying about not getting to go, and sometime around June 27th, I'm headed to Tokyo Disneyland!! Did you know that they have this Alice in Wonderland restaurant there that serves Un-Birthday cake? It has all these yummy fruits in it. Me can't wait… no me can't… O.o  
OKAY, ON WITH THE SHOW. THANKS TO THE FOUR PEOPLE WHO HAD GOOD IDEAS FOR US!! XD  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Bella had the hiccups and it was driving her crazy. What was also driving her crazy was that ugly, small microphone and that PS2. She was going to play Sing Star. How in god's name had Alice convinced her to do this?  
Edward didn't think she'd appreciate this turn of events when everyone would be laughing and pointing in class tomorrow, but it was worth not telling Alice to screw off and save Bella from that horrible, brain-melting video game to see and hear her sing. He waited. And waited. Bella was taking FOR FREAKING EVER just to pick out a song!! Finally, after many hurry-ups and pick-one-already's, Bella randomly selected Dance Dance. WHY? Well… ehehe… I don't want to go in to explaining the dynamics of a fic.  
Everyone GAWKED at her. She sang just about as good as a stapler can hula dance. And she kept getting the words wrong.

_I'm toooo cornered at a ho-down. And I don't wanna forget how your horse sounds. These worms are all I have so I write them. And you need them just to get by. Why don't you show me a little bit of spork you've been saving for his mattress… love… DANCE DANCE!!"_

I am cringing after having just written that. Let's skip to the errr… well, AFTER she sang.

When she finished butchering a FOB song that has caused many annoying random break-out-into-song moments during school, everyone had the absolute WTF look on their faces. EVERYONE. I mean, you couldn't get a more WTF look if you had WTF written across your forehead.  
Emmett hated the singing, but once he witnessed her influence potential, he had to get her to do something even crazier…  
Quickly, he switched the microphone with a dance pad and set up another beside it. Then, he yelled, "BELLA SWAN! I CHALLENGE YOU TO DDR!" Everyone suddenly stared him down, Bella included. "Unless you're too much of a mega-sissy." She agreed to play against the vampire to no avail, but just to prove that she was NOT a mega sissy. Or too much of one.   
"Bella, don't do this! You're going to break your head open!! COME ON! Think about Charlie. You don't want him to find out that you were at a party and you were DRINKING, do you? Or the concussion you're bound to get…"  
"It's okay, Edward. I am the DDR MASTERESS… yeah." She blew him a kiss and turned back to the TV. Emmett went for the most ridiculously long, fast setting there is- NONSTOP! Bella quickly settled in to the monotony of up, down, left, and right arrows and the (at times) annoying music. Emmett was already at 100 Perfects in a row within the first minute. Bella was exhausted within the first five.  
Jasper turned to Mike and said, "$100 says she doesn't make it passed ten minutes." Mike responded, "Hey, that's mean! $150 on ten seconds!" "You're on!"  
Outside, when no one knew, and no one thought to look… the werewolves awaited their exact moment to strike. They'd been watching the party's perilous events. And, hey, Jacob already broke the treaty, so they could go wherever they darn well pleased. Yeah, and was he in some scorching hot water for that, too! Jacob was ready to spring; ready to gut those nasty vampires for making Bella do these ridiculous things. He was about to make the transformation into a werewolf when he was ordered by Sam to wait. He would be receiving part of his punishment for breaking that stupid treaty. "You'll be the bait, puppy." Jacob growled at being called puppy, but obeyed Sam's orders. The plans ran through his head for how to do this. But he had to risk Bella getting hurt… that wasn't okay.  
Bella was losing control of her legs. Her eyes were burning. Random clubby J-pop songs were stuck in her head. At the 10-minute mark, her feet did something funny. She slipped. As she started to fall, everything went into surreal slow-motion mode. The vampires who were one nanosecond off and neglected to catch her fall, the screams, the shouts of "NOOOO I LOST THE BET", the distant growls… wait, distant growls?  
Before she knew it, she was on the ground. With a very big, HEAVY russet-skinned boy on top of her. "Uh… DOG PILLEEE!!!" This was Jacob's distraction… and unfortunately, it was starting to work. Stupid, idiot drunk kids pilled on each other, crushing Bella, who, to keep her calm, was watching Called For swing from the chandelier above her screaming out the Campfire Song. You know,   
"C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G SONG!" Edward pulled her out of the pile, causing everyone to move down a spot and yell "OOMPH!"  
He examined her closely, noticing a large bruise and her red eyes, her dazed expression, her hiccups, her dizziness, the strong smell of sugar and alcohol, and her rapid heartbeat. "I let you get hurt again!" He freaked out beyond the point of freaking out. "I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!" He paced, his words came out rushed… and then… the party crashers, those werewolves were out and about. Bella was kind of on a sugar high and still kinda…. Uh… well, drunk.  
So she flipped. "FURRY HORSES!" She ran over to Sam's snarling werewolf form. "PRETTY HORSEY!!!" Edward looked on in horror and rushed to Bella's side. It was too late. Bella was on Sam's back. "YAH, HORSEY! MOOVEEEE!!!" She kicked Sam, trying to get him to run. Sam let out a tremendous growl, and Edward quickly plucked Bella off of Sam's back and ran.  
"Bella! What the hell were you thinking?!"  
"I wanted a horsey back ride…" She frowned. Edward rolled his eyes and ran to the safest place he could take Bella- back to her home… the car ride was terrifying. Before Bella knew it, she was in her bed, being yelled at to stay there and sleep everything off… which she did.

THE END.

Well, what a weird, anti-climatic ending. Is it anti-climatic? Oh, I DON'T KNOW!! Stay tuned for Rosalie.

DISCLAIMER: We have nothing to do with Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series, All That, Scrubs, Fall Out Boy, Konami and DDR! Although, KingdomMewFruits used to play DDR all day long. Now it's just Kingdom Hearts II and Guitar Hero. Oh, and The Sims 2, with her failed legacies. And we don't really have anything to do with those games either. Or Sing Star or wtf ever it's called.


	23. My Apologies

Sorry, you guys. Things have come up and the authors are really busy. Know why this happened?

KingdomMewFruits: Sorry, my fault. I said I'd get Rosalie's out on Saturday somewhere... so naturally, it didin't happen. The authors have been very busy. One has a Disney vacation planned from may 28th to the 31st , the other had a trip to Tokyo and mounds of school work. Unfortunately, we're delaying the release of Rosalie's chappie until HollyWoodHaHa gets back (later this week) and I get all of my stuff sorted out. I feel that I'm not being very fair with this message and all, so I'll give you a teaser of what's to come.

Rosalie Cullen...Snuffles is her biological sister.  
Rosalie: How can I be related to a FREAKING BEAR! IT'S A FREAKING ANIMAL AND I'M A FREAKING HUMAN-ESQUE VAMPIRE!!!  
Rosalie Cullen... whoa, chill!  
Rosalie: Hmph.

So... that part will probably still be in the story. Maybe not, since the point has been pretty much defeated. But whatever...

-KingdomMewFruits-

Sorry, KMF is very crabby. It's been a long day for her.

See you later and again, SORRY!

-HollyWoodHaHa and KingdomMewFruits


	24. Roses, Or Why Outkast is Still Cool

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! It's Rosalie's turn! AT LAST!!!  
I'm not entirely sure when this will get posted, but it was written on May 30th, KMF's mom's birthday. Please enjoy…

**WARNING: This fic includes lots of lyrics and My Chemical Romance related-ness. Also, it gets random things from other bands and movies mixed in, includes everyone becoming the musical guest, and runs for a **_**rather long time**_**. If you absolutely cannot STAND My Chemical Romance, I'd suggest you skip this one. Oh, and we got a little carried away with that caps button… just to warn you. So that might get a little annoying. Other than that, please bear with us and enjoy.  
**_Emmett: BEAR?!  
No, no bears here, Em. Sorry.  
Emmett: Oh… -looks sadly at the ground and walks away-_**  
**----------------------------------------------------------------------  
**Knowzles yo stazles… know yer stars… kno ur strs… KNOW YOUR STARS!! Rosalie Cullen… eater of babies.**  
Rosalie: Baby DEER, maybe. –pshhhh-  
**Rosalie Cullen…. Speaks fruent Engrish.  
**Rosalie: English? Yes. And Spanish, Japanese, French, Italian… -blah blah blah-  
**Rosalie Cullen… LIBERAL WEINER!  
**Rosalie: Hot dogs suck.  
All: GASP!  
Rosalie: Yes, I said it. S-U-C-K THEY SUCK!  
-gigglesnort-  
Rosalie: T-T STFU!!! This isn't time for inappropriate jokes.  
Rosalie Cullen… is a Shigure magnet…  
Shigure: HIGH SCHOOL HOTTTT GIIRRRLL!! REALLY HOT HIGH SCHOOL GIRRL ALL FOR MEEEEEE!! HIGH SCHOOL GIRL!  
Edward: Um… she's in collage, you know… please don't do anything to my sister.  
Shigure: Collage? Well, that almost takes the fun out of everything! –poof-  
Rosalie: Um… ew.  
**Totally. Anyway…**  
**ROSALIE CULLEN!! Attracts every thing in Mike's bishie closet…  
**Rosalie: Wait, what's a bishie closet?  
All: GASSSPPPP!!!  
**WTF DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?!? EVVERYYONE KNOWS WHAT A FKING BISHIE CLOSET IS!!!**  
Rosalie: Well, I don't!  
**I suppose we shall educate you… JACOB!!  
**Jacob: AGGHHHH!! I'M NOT YOUR MANSERVANT FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!  
**… 50 dollars and the steering wheel for an ORIGINAL 1960's V-dub?  
**Jacob: … fine. RAWR. What trivial task do you want me to complete now?!  
**I want you to take Rosalie to Mike's house to show her… THE BISHIE CLOSET!  
**All: GASP!  
Jacob: But… but the last person who went in didn't come out!!  
**I don't care.  
**Rosalie: Hey, I am NOT going in this kid's freaking closet!!  
**-insert intense glare followed by bone-crushing to a normal human type of slap HERE!-  
**Called For: -intense GLARE- MMAHGLMAANNAA! –BIATCH SLAP'D!-  
Rosalie: OH NO YOU JUST DIDN'T!  
Called For: BRING IT, BIAAAATTCHH!!  
Dubya: That's the longest thing Called For has ever said in this fic… TAKE NOTE!  
-fight breaks out-  
Edward: -sigh- STOP IT, YOU STUPID OVERSIZED PUFF OF COTTON CANDY!! THAT'S MY SISTER!  
Alice: She deserves it…  
Bella: Why?  
Alice: -sigh- Do we HAVE to go through New Moon all over again?  
Bella: I'd…rather… not…  
Alice: Then THINK!!  
Bella: … -epiphany- OOOOHHHHHHHHH! I remember…. YOU?!? (wait, not YKWTDTGLUIP again… we did that for Emily's chapter already… )  
-Fight turns The Sims 2 style-  
Alice: Oh crap, someone better break that up before-  
Called For: HUHAH! –makes campy anime-esque pose and the Final Fantasy VII victory music plays-  
Rosalie: Ow… well, I guess I'll just collect my dignity and go…  
Jacob: Dangit!  
Jasper: Fifty big ones, puppy dog. Pay up.  
Jacob: FOR THE LAST TIME, IT'S D-A-W-G!  
**At the end of the show, then…  
**Rosalie: I still have to go to… that… CREEPY GOLDEN RETRIEVER'S HOUSE?!  
**Of course! You did loose, after all.  
**Rosalie: -groan-  
**Until then-  
Rosalie Cullen: Snuffles is your biological sister.  
**Rosalie: Um, no. Snuffles is a freaking BEAR. I'm a HUMAN-esque vampire!  
Emmett: Bear?! –wearing a bib with a picture of a bear on it, he has a straw and Carlisle's scalpel in his hands-  
Carlisle: Put my scalpel back, Emmett… please. That's disgusting. I have patients who need to be cut open, you know.  
Emmett: BEAR! WHERE IS BEAR?!  
Rosalie: Sorry, honey. No bears. Look in the zoo next door, though.  
Emmett: Okay… -hangs head and has a sad look-  
Carlisle: Scalpel, give me back my scalpel… -they walk off-  
**Anyway…  
ROSALIE CULLEN! Without you is how I disappear.  
**Rosalie: That's creepy.  
**Rosalie Cullen… can you hear me cry out to you words I thought I'd choke on?**

Rosalie: Uh…  
**Rosalie Cullen… this alone you're in time for the show, you're the one that I need, I'm the one that you loath…  
**Rosalie: You KNOW you love me. You don't mean that.

INTERRUPTION! THE FANS OF TWILIGHT SERIES… "In love with all of these vampires, so you can leave like the sane abandoned me!"

Back to the story…

**Rosalie Cullen… son when you grow up will you be the savior of the broken, the beaten and the damned?  
**Rosalie: Oh GOD…  
**Rosalie Cullen… one day, I'll leave you a phantom to lead you in the summer… TO JOIN THE BLACK PARADE! –insert AWESOME guitars and Bob on drums HERE-  
**Rosalie: -scrunches up face- You people are weird.  
Sam: DO OR DIE! YOU'LL NEVER MAKE ME! BECAUSE THE WORLD WILL NEVER TAKE MY HEART! THOUGH YOU'LL TRY, YOU'LL NEVER BREAK ME! YOU WANT IT ALL, YOU WANNA PLAY THIS PART! I WON'T EXPLAIN OR SAY I'M SORRY, I'M UNSHAMED! I'M GONNA SHOW MY SCAR! GIVE A CHEER FOR ALL THE BROKEN! LISTEN HERE, BECAUSE IT'S ONLY YOU-  
Jacob: STOP INTERUUPPTTIINNGG SAMM! –tackles-

**Rosalie Cullen… isn't a My Chemical Romance fan?  
**Rosalie: No.  
All: GASP! ROSALIE!! HOW COULD YOU?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  
Jasper: … you're not really my sister. What have you done with Rosalie?! WHO ARE YOU?!  
**Rosalie Cullen…. PIZZA PIZZA PIE! PIZZA PIZZA PIE! EVERY MINUTE, EVERY SECOND, BUYBUYBUYBUYBUY!! Pepperoni and green peppers, mushrooms, olives, chives. Pepperoni and green peppers, mushrooms, olives, chives!**  
Rosalie: NOOOO! OLD S.O.A.D SONGS!!  
**Rosalie Cullen… **_**cyanide, glycerin… cyanide, glycerin…**_  
Rosalie: … ohh-kay. Whatever THAT was about.  
**Rosalie Cullen… has a Beanie Baby collection. Her favorite one is Stilts the Stork.  
**Rosalie: No! NO!! Neverr!!  
Jasper: Oh REALLY!? Look at THIS then! –holds up an original Stilts the Stork- **BWAHAHA!**  
Rosalie: I hate you.  
Jasper: Aww, I love you too, sis.  
**Rosalie Cullen… has a pet cotton candy being named Blueshees.  
**Rosalie: What's a cotton candy being?  
Called For: MOI! BEEE-AAATCHH.  
Rosalie: What kind of name is BLUESHEES?!?!  
**Yo mama's mama.  
**Rosalie: I hate you. Hate. Hate. –hissssss- HATEE! –growl, sneer-  
Blueshees: CUDDLY! –cuddles Rosalie-

**Rosalie Cullen… and when you go, don't return to me my love! Well that's right…  
**Rosalie: Jeeze, not again.  
**Rosalie Cullen: MAMA WE ALL GO TO HELL! MAMA, WE ALL GO TO HELL! IT'S REALLY QUITE PLEASANT EXCEPT FOR THE SMELL! MAMA, WE ALL GO TO HELL! 2-3-4 MAMA! MAMA! MAMA! Whaaaa-ahahahah-ahahahhhhh!! MAMA! MAMA! MAMA!  
**Edward: True dat.  
Bella: EDWARD! Stop being such a pessimist! –hits over the head… which he doesn't even FEEL-  
**Rosalie Cullen: So shut your eyes, kiss me goodbye, and sleeeee-eee-eeep. Just Sleee-eee-eep. The hardest part… is letting go of- your dreams.  
**Rosalie: If I COULD sleep.  
**Rosalie Cullen… was one of the 10 natural- born pretties. She didn't need the operation.  
**Rosalie: Got that right.  
**Rosalie Cullen… reads fanfictions obsessively.**  
Rosalie: Nope. I'm not a nerd.  
**Rosalie Cullen… that outfit is TOTALLY pretty-making and bubbly, by the way.**  
Rosalie: You really think so?  
**Definitely.  
**Rosalie: Um, thanks!  
**Rosalie Cullen… she said "all teenagers scare the living sh- - out of me. They can care less as long as someone will bleed." So darken your clothes or strike a violent pose. Maybe they'll leave you alone but not me! All together now!  
**All: TEENAGERS SCARE THE LIVING SH- - OUT OF ME! THEY CAN CARE LESS AS LONG AS SOMEONE WILL BLEED! SO DARKEN YOUR CLOTHES OR STRIKE A VIOLENT POSE! Maybe they'll leave you alone BUT NOT ME!  
-applause and applesauce-  
**I guess our musical guest was EVERYONE today, huh?  
ROSALIE CULLEN… just a sad song with nothing to say about a lifelong wait for a hospital stay. And if you think that I'm wrong, this never meant nothing to ya.  
**Rosalie: Please stop with the lyrics.  
**You suck.  
**Rosalie: Vampire.  
**Rawr! Don't use my own joke against me!  
**Rosalie: -filing her nails- are you going to actually ask something embarrassing, or what?!  
**Rosalie Cullen… just go, run away… looser.  
**Rosalie: -stops suddenly- Hey, it's not my fault you ask such SUCKY questions, you emo!  
**Rosalie Cullen… stole all of the Fastpasses from a Fastpass machine once.  
**Rosalie Cullen: No, but Alice and Edward did that once.  
Alice: -cough-  
Edward: -whistles innocently-  
**Rosalie Cullen… is totally brain-missing. Which is NOT bubbly, by the way.  
**Rosalie: -gasp- Meanie head.  
**Rosalie Cullen… you know why?**  
Rosalie: Why?  
**I'm Captain Jack **_**Sparrow.**_  
Rosalie: Well, I won't be making THAT mistake again.  
**Rosalie Cullen… has one of the nine pieces of eight…  
**Rosalie: Yes. I do. Wanna see? –holds up a paperclip-  
**Rosalie Cullen… how UN-Piratey!  
**Rosalie: Hey, I didn't write the script for Pirates Three, okay?!

**Rosalie Cullen… was lying about not like My Chem. As a matter of fact, she lies there with her iPod every night, closes her eyes, listens to Famous Last Words, and swears that Gerard is trying to serenade her into sleep… though it's not working…  
**Rosalie: Um… oh my god. Please, for the sake of the world, SHUT UP!  
**I'm right, aren't I? AREN'T I!?  
**Rosalie: I'd never admit something like that on National TV!  
**Me neither. So SPILL.**

Rosalie: No.  
**Yes.  
**Rosalie: No!  
**Yes!  
**Rosalie: NO!  
**YES!  
**Rosalie: -screaming- NNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
**…yes –poke-  
**Rosalie: Ugh. –falls to the ground, Ritsu Sohma-style.  
**Someone pass the Veritaserum.**  
-Snape unwillingly passes it to Called For, who force feeds it to Rose-  
**Alright, Rosalie Cullen. You WILL tell the truth-**  
Rosalie: ALRIGHT! I DID IT! I DO listen to My Chem at night like that, I have a nightlight in my room, I read fanfictions compulsively, I love tacos and some My Chem songs, I hate it when someone calls me Leese, which has happened before and has really bothered me, I speed, I have 121 unpaid parking tickets which I don't pay due to my "mysterious deaths" AKA honeymoons. I love sushi, cats, and long walks on the beach. I have married Emmett at least 200 times by now, I collect Band-Aids, I can fix ANYTHING, I disguise myself as Bob the Builder for all of the little children, I like to cosplay Arisa Uotani, Fleur Delacour, Naminè, and particularly Larxene. As well as Luna Lovegood, but only sometimes_! "As always, innocent like rollercoaster. Fatality is like ghosts in the snow and you have no idea what you're up against. Because I've seen what they look like. Becoming perfect as if they were sterling silver chainsaws going cascading…"_

All: O.o Wtf…?

**Rosalie Cullen… she went on her last honeymoon with Emmett to Candy Mountain… with Charlie…  
**Charlie: AUGH! THEY TOOK MY FREAKING KIDNEY!  
Bella: DAAD! NOOOOOOOOO!!  
Carlisle: This sounds serious. SOMEONE, GET HIM ON THE TRANSPLANT LIST!  
Esme: Sorry, Care Bear, the only thing left list-wise to put him on is the Myspace F- -k list.  
Carlisle: Darn it!

**COME ONE, COME ALL TO THIS TRAGIC AFFAIR!! It's time to be EDUMICATED on the topic of BISHIE CLOSETS! Jake, lead the way.  
**  
-We end up in that place of many bishies… MIKE'S BISHIE CLOSET FOR A GRANDE FINALE OF STARBUCKS VENTI "Vanilla CREAM" FRAPPUCHINO PROPRTIONS…-  
_They are all lead up to Mike's tiny room and cram in the back of his closet into a narrow tunnel, where they travel to the basement and find a large set of double doors. Inside, thousands of bishies await freedom… or just another bishie to talk to.  
_**ROSALIE CULLEN. Open the door! Pwitty pwease?!  
**Well, she does. And she gets shoved in… all of the sudden…

ROSALIE CULLEN'S TRAPPED IN THE CLOSET! And she won't come out the closet!

Everyone ran like heck to get out of Mike's own personal bishie factory. This was SCARY. Rosalie's screams could be heard from inside. Emmett suddenly rushes in…

Emmett: I'm coming to save you, Rose!  
-he rips open the doors… bad mistake, I think.-  
Sora: YAY! WE'RE OUT!  
And suddenly, the basement became a bishie basement… Rosalie and Emmett escaped, and all of the hotness that was in the closet was out.

Rosalie: I never want to see another bishie closet in my life.  
Emmett: Okay, you don't have to. Now, LET'S GET SOME BEAR!! –big smile.-  
They walk off into the sunset… well, once they're outside of the House d'Mike.  
Bella: Edward? Edward?! Where are you?!  
Alice: I can't find him either…. Wait! –she sees him in a vision-

After a minute…

Bella: What's wrong.  
Alice: I'm afraid… he's in the basement.  
Bella: NOOOOOOOOOOOO EDWARD IS A BISHIE!! Wait, SO IS JACOB!! –cries-  
Alice: Jeezbus, chill! They're fine!! They'll get out in a day or two.  
Bella: WHAT!? A DAY!? OR TWO? Oh, this sucks.  
Alice: I agree.  
Bella: Should we have a rescue mission?  
Alice: Lets.

And so, Alice and Bella rescue Edward and Jake.

They all lived… not so much happily ever after. Not even poorly and in constant distress. They just lived. We have too small a budget now to make a defined ending.

The End.

Is this REALLY it?! No, but we're deliberating a break time right now. We'll have definite answers sometime this weekend. STAY TUNED, GUYS!! We love you!

-The authors, KingdomMewFruits and HollyWoodHaHa- 


	25. Comments are Special!

Hey guys. I just wanted to keep you updated as to what's going on lately.

HollyWoodHaHa is in South Carolina until the 16th, and tomorrow is my last day of school. We've been busy, eh?

Since I am using Windows Vista, every format change I makes is lost when I post for HollyWoodHaHa, so it requires double the editing. That's why Holly handles the posting, and that's why I don't like to post in Haha's absence (I am one of the laziest people you'll ever meet- I'm so lazy that I don't even want to breath sometimes! O.o Uhh, you might have to be me to get that). **NOTE- Ash just learned how to fix that, using compatability mode (When you save your .doc to a template that can be used with Windows 98, 2003, XP, etc). But I still don't like having to do all of the editing. That was never my favorite part when writing a story... ah well.**

I CAN get on HollyWoodHaHa's account now. See, I 'm sick of using mine (and that will explain the sudden drop-off in my stories. Also, I have a general lack of inspiration and am getting to the pathetic point of apathy when it comes to my stories) and right now, I am devoting all of my time fanfic wise to the unposted Rainforest fics (aka- the fics contained in the notebooks under my bed that probably contain enough trees to make a rainforest- at the very least a small temperate one) and ones on my flash drive as well as this one. In short, it's easier to use my friend's account now.

Now, what was originally here was a Comment Special. I'll put it back up… but I'll warn you that it has taken me a LOOOONNNGGG time to edit (since HWHH isn't here to do it for me). Please enjoy!!!

BTW- The next chapter will be Jane!!

EVERYONE THAT I CHOOSE ONLY GETS ONE REVIEW PUT UP HERE. And if I didn't pick you, I'm sorry. I got a lottt of people in, though. I went through and fixed the bigger grammatical errors that were bothering me (-.-') so your comments might appear a little different

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Chi Cullen**: HOLY FRICKEN CRAP! You had me worried about an ACUTAL ending there!/hysterical panting/  
OMFC, this basically included EVERYTHING I LIVE FOR! Harry Potter, Twilight, Bichies, Pirates of the Carabbean(three was not really my favorite, one will always be best!) ah hell, I'll even throw in Charlie the Unicorn (WHICH WAS FREAKING HILARIOUS BTW!)  
I cracked up because I am listening to my Windows Media Playlist, and JUST as mister announcer guy(Jack) started reciting the lyrics to "This is How I Disappear" My Chem came on! Oh, and did you go through the whole freaking Welcome to the Black Parade CD!?!?!?!?! HILARIOUS!  
your loyal reader,  
Chi

A- Ahem, CORRECTION! It's just _The Black Parade_. ANYWHO... yes. I was listening to the whole CD (out of pure boredom/lack of inspiration) and just thought I'd insert some lyrics. Yeah, I'm pretty worried about the ending of our story, too. It's going to be painful to watch it end... and yes, that ending is coming upon us very fast, due to lack of characters. As a matter of fact, yeah. That hiatus-until-Eclipse theory is still very plausible at this time due to lack of material, as well. The authors pretty much live for the same thing. Just throw in My Chemical Romance and all things Disney (possibly also Fruits Basket for me, Linkin Park and Kingdom Hearts for both, and Hannah Montana for HWHH) into that mix and you pretty much get our interests. We have plenty in common, eh? XDDD I just came up with the perfect name for a Nonexistent Harry Potter book- Harry Potter and the Attack of the Rabid Ninja Plushies. O.o Why am I telling everyone this? -sigh- AND I AGREE! PIRATES ONE WILL ALWAYS BE THE BEST!!

**Angelic Cruxis: **Can you say gut buster? I was dying the whole entire time I was reading this. Truly funny guys. And HollyWoodHaHa, please give my regards to KingdomMewFruits. You two truly make a great pair!  
**  
****A-****Since I have an extended vocabulary, I CAN say gut buster! Or but guster… O.o  
And thanks! Great to know that my work is also appreciated!! n.n**

A- OMC is the new OMG! It means Oh My Carlisle, and please read L.C.Candle's story Welcome to Insanity Room 191 (well, if it's not in that one, it's in another) if you want further information (credit to L.C.Candle and her many crazy friends). LAN... well, that has to do with like... I think (if I remember correctly) Internet connections.

**GoodyGoody23**: Also, Pirates 3 was great, don't you think?

A- YESSS IT WAS! I didn't even let myself get up to go pee, it was that good. I mean, not the best... but it toootally beat Pirates 2 and was still pretty darn good.

**ILOVEVAMPIRES2007**: Okay i almost died of laughing at times, but it was weird at times and I can't wait till you put up the next chapter.

A- Yeah, that was the product of poor editing. It was a lot funnier the first time I read it... hmm, we'll need to stop slacking off when we edit...

**ichigoxringo**: JASPER IS A SCANDALOUS MAID!! But, I wanna see summa that fanservice. w00t.

A- Ehehe... that would be...errr... _interesting_ to say the least. BRING ON THE FANSERVICE!

**CanoeingCutie**: oh my god! I got the GREATEST visual of Emmett dressed as Ozzy Osbourne lunging at Jacob who's hugging a teddy bear while Rosalie beats up a poor man in a bear suit in the background. (sigh) the bear suit man was just trying to give out flyers for Smokey's Forest Grill when a viscious blond came by and attacked him. And Jacob...well, he just got into Emmett's teddy bear collection.

A- Ahahah, great visual... but for some reason, I started to picture Deep Red in Oompa Loompa form during Charlie and the Chocolate Factory... in that scene where Mike gets zapped into the television... rock star Oompa Loompas making fun of some big hair band.

**just a little wicked**: THAT SONG! IT'S "MY WAY HOME IS THROUGH YOU" BY MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE! Haha. And you used the "OMC" thing. XD My friend Kayleigh started that, haha.

A-Really? Should I give credit to Kayleigh then? Idk... and I LOOOVEEEE MY CHEM, DON'T YOU?!?!

**Insanity's Partner**: I just finished taking the FCAT. Isn't it awful? Muahahaha! I think I scored a 5 in reading and a 4 in math. And maybe in the 90th percentile range for the NRTs...Last year I scored in the 99th percentile and my mom was like mad at me for being upset about it. She didn't understand why I was so upset. But seriously! How am I supposed to like up to that again?

A- Hmmm, instead of FCAT's, now I have to take Terra Nova tests! RAWR! I hate the Terra Nova test just as much as I hate the FCAT. Umm, am I spelling that right? I don't know. I haven't taken the TN's since I lived in Missouri (for all of a year... but that was in, like, third grade), I'm pretty sure I got a 4 on the reading and either a 1 or a 2 on the math (Poor, I know, but I was never any good at math... at all) and about in the 70th percentile for the NRT. I think the highest thing I've ever gotten was a 5 on the writing one year and a 5 on the reading the next year. I was upset, because I really, REALLY wanted a 6.

**trulyfearless17**: OMC! THAT WAS SO FUNNY!  
I absolutely love this chapter, and your story is refreshing as compared to the twenty million ones that all have the same plot. I think your story is hilarious and...  
DON'T MESS WITH THE ALMIGHTY VOICE!  
-Christina

A- Yeah, I think so too. I've found a lot of dry-humored ones lately... that are just LAME. I get my inspiration from a refreshing Kingdom Hearts version... eheheh, Larxene... O.o  
EXACTLY! DON'T MESSHHH WITH DA VOICE!

**blissfulmemories**: hah! love all the anime and jap references!!  
last chapter u called jasper baka and now cosplaying Yuki and Haru...as Emmett! i cant imagine the damage emmett can do if he's a black haru...(not in a racist way, if u know fruits basket, u would understand what I mean by "black"!)

A- Yeah, Emmett would make one heck of a Haru... especially when he goes black. I've also heard that Yuki has a black side. Wonder how he got it... -coughs, then mumbles something about yaoi lemons...-

**KateLovesEdward**: LMAO! i loved reading this! see, my mom thinks that i am way too obsessed with Twilight, so usually i just read it when i have spare time. so i am in my room, and i get to Jasper's interview, and i am, like, cracking up, almost wetting my pants, and my mom is like 'what are you laughing at?' and i go 'the oddessy is just so funny!' and she left... she might send me to the loony bin. i am happy as long as i get to hang out with Called For. he's my kind of guy... hahahahahaha...

A- It flatters us to know you guys find us pee-your-pants-then-throw-up-from-all-that-laughing worthy. Every time I read something about Jasper (whether it be in the books or on Stephenie's site... or the Lexicon... or the myspace group...) I immediately think of this Jasper's chapter.  
And Called For is the AWESOMEST cotton candy puff being out there! And I'd just like to say that he's Blueshees' brother. Blueshees is so much nicer than Called For... and she is Blue. Called For is pink, because it is a very, VERY masculine color.

**xXnumbertwoXx**: THAT WAS HILARIOUS! Oh, you truly are a gift! But what do you mean, "wets his combinations?" I seriously don't get it. . .Do I need to have my brain checked (again)?

A- I don't seriously know what I mean by that. I was just watching the Corpse Bride... ehehe. They say it in there... I'm probably wrong, but I'd guess it has to do with bloomers/underwear/pants of some sort. And by the way, "Yay, Edward" is one of my absolute favorite stories. Most of those on my 33 story long faves list are just there so I can see when the authors update them, but your is just AWESOME and deserves to be there!!! n.n

**TO ANY GUESSES FOR THE CONTEST IN CHAPTER 12: Thank you for participating. Um, I'm sorry about making it so difficult... I didn't realize just how difficult it was until I checked the reviews in Creative Writing (and yes, I use my OWN separate account to check the reviews. I handle reviews and almost all of the writing, Holly mainly edits and adds in a lot of things she finds funny)…**

**afslove**: this is really random but i am not computer geek so how do u get stories to go on your homepage you know that part in your account where you can work on your stories? yeah that part. great story by the way!

A- Step one: Write story. Step two: Save in an easy place to remember and access. Step three: log on to your profile. Step 4: open up the Documents thingie... then upload story. Step five: Go to the Stories section, then new stories. Step six: Enter in the information required and post! I know, you've got that much down already, right? Sorry, it just took awhile to answer (I couldn't really).

**xxRachelxxTeeheexx**: Okay, this is officially my fave story. i sat here laughing my butt off, and my mom thought I was crazy! My fave chapter was the one about James. But, I think you should bring Edward and Bella in for a couples KNOW YOR STARS thing. It could be like one of those stupid TV shows where the couples go on to see if they know each other. It would be funny. GO RANDOMNESS! P.S. you HAVE to put the Hillshire farm thing in there. This salad rocks, the best. Make it easy at your desk. Its second to none, just add lettuce and your done. That's crazy girl! I swear! Theres so much stuuf in there! S-s-s-salad! M-meaty salad! I SAY HILLSHIRE YOU SAY FARM! HILLSHIRE FARM! GO MEAT!

A- Ahhhh! That commercial is soooo freaking dumb! I lovvee it, though. Dumb commercials are my thing. Couples version? Yeah, I think people want that now, don't they? ... Yikes.

**SPECIAL THANKS TO THE FIRST PEOPLE WHO EVER COMMENTED THIS STORY ON CHAPTER ONE- Kay12693, socksE-B4ev, Gylactica, NellieGURL, CanoeingCutie, and daydreamdana84. Sorry if you reviewed the first chapter and I didn't get to you- I only put up the people who commented that first month we had this story up. You all deserve cookies, though!!**

THAT'S IT 'FO NOW!

Stay tuned, I'll get Jane into the works as soon as I can.

XOXO,  
KingdomMewFruits, the OTHER author.

BTW- We've had 12,882 hits on this story so far!!! WOW!!! Thanks, guys!


	26. Me Tarzan, You Jane

Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!! ITZ JANE'S CHAPTER!!!

KONNICHIWA AND KONBANWA or… OHAYO GOZIMASU!! (depending on the time you read this)  
Weez-r-BACK! This time, we're going OOC… TO THE EXTREME! TO THE MAX!! Lmao, X-Play… O.o

I'm serious, if the others were random and OOC, than this tops it all.

Ash's note- Um, I was watching the music video for Famous Last Words when suddenly, this totally random idea popped into my head… involving plushies... also, on MCR's Youtube page, THEY CUT OUT THE PART WHERE BOB GETS HIS LEG BURNT!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! But, hey! At least the Teenagers vid on their official website still contains the footage of Gerard getting "shot" by the batons (AKA- Gee getting some fake caps busted in his ass), so all is well.

LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED OLD SCHOOL, YO!!  
Whatever the hell THAT means!!  
I'M WARNING YOU... this is probably the dumbest, most pointless chappy we've ever written. I'm dead serious. Ash was like, "sooo high off of Coca-Cola!!" when she wrote it... HWHH? Well... idk.

THIS IS A REALLY LONG CHAPTER! O.o I mean, reealllly long.  
----------------------

Today we're going to screw ov- I mean, pleasantly humiliate Jane of the Volturi! HUZZAH!  
**KNOW YOUR STARS... KNOW YOUR STARS... Meep! MEEP MEEP MEEP! MEEP MEEP MEEP! MEEP MEEP MEEEEEEEEEP! Ah... KNOW YOUR RETARDED STAAAAARRRRRRSH!! Jane...****  
****they're taking her to the FUNNY FARM!!****  
**Jane: Eh?!  
**Jane... will be happy to see those friendly men in their clean white coats...****  
**Jane: I am not crazy!! If anyone's crazy, it's you!!  
**Jane... is in luurrrveee with My Chemical Romance.**  
Jane: -cough- N-NUH-UH!  
**Or really?** -Called For holds up cute 'lil Frank plushy... why Frank? Cause everyone was expecting Gerard or Mikey... I should've had Ray instead... ah well-  
Jane: -eyes get big and her crimson irises start to shine... ooooh, scaaryyyy- (whispering) must...resist... Frankie!!!!  
**Bwahaha! You know you want it...****  
**Jane: ...  
-Long silence, accompanied by Jane's stares-  
Jane: ALRIGHT! I WAANNTT ITTTT!!!! -Snatches Frankie out of Called For's hands-  
Called For: -gasp- MINE!! -slaps Jane extra hard-  
Jane: -SUPER HISS!!- HOW DARE YOU SLAP ME!!  
Called For: Bring it! BIIIIIAATTCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! -punches Jane-  
Jane: Why you- -starts chasing the cotton candy being all around the stage-

**Ummm...****  
**Director: Psst, Edwaarrdd...  
Edward: Yes?  
Director: I think we should cut to commercial, what do you think?  
Edward: Definitely

WE ARE CURRENTLY SUFFERING FROM TECHNICALITIES AND OTHER FORMS OF ANNOYING DIFFICULTIES!! PLEASE, SIT BACK, TENSE UP, AND BE AGITATED AS WE SHOW YOU LOTS AND LOTS OF BRAIN MELTING COMMERCIALS UNTIL-- Oh. Oh WOW!! WOW, YOU GUYS SHOULD REALLY SEE THIS AMAZING FIGHT!! Ooh... OW! Oh... that HAD to hurt!  
WOW!!! 

Rosalie (back at the Cullen's mansion... precious TV... no need for da TiVo this time, though): AUGH! I don't even know why I CARE, but COME ONNNNNN!!! SHOW THE FIGHT!  
Random person: JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!

Alright, ALRIGHT!! Fine, we'll show the retarded fight!!!

Called for-HYAH!  
Jane: Ow... ohhhh, my butt... MY ACHING BUUUUUUTTTTTT!!!  
Edward: She sat on industrial vampire-super-strength tacks... and yes, you missed the fight.  
Rosalie: DANGIT!  
Bella: They really make tacks like that?  
Edward: Of course!! How do you think we get acupuncture?  
Bella: You-can... ACUPUNCTURE!? Really?!  
Jasper: Ahhh... NEEEEEDLLEEEESSS!!!  
Jane: I hate acupuncture though! It hurts!!

Called For: A-HEM!  
-Everyone turns their attention back to called for, who is now eating a Poptart-

TAAAAAAAAAAAARDS! Crrrrrrrazy good! (A/N: It DOES sound like TAAARRRDDSS instead of TAAARRRTTTS!!! Admit it!)  
Called For: Wait, REDO!  
-REDO!-  
Called for: A-HEM!  
-Everyone is still looking at Called For... who is now holding a fish-  
Called For: OBSERVE! -does the chicken dance... with the fish... so it becomes a new dance... THE FISHKEN DANCE!!!!-  
Bella: What  
Edward: The  
Jacob: Crap!?  
Called For: DANGIT! REDO!  
-Re: REDO-  
Called For: A-hem!  
-Still staring-  
Called For: As I have now proved my point, I would just like to say that this Frankie is MINE!!! Nooo, no one else can have my Frankie! MIIIIINNNNNNNEEEEEE!!!  
Jane: Why do you like Frank so much? Hey, wait a sec... -thinks up the perfect plan to get the Frank from Called For- (in head: YES! Oooh, buuuuurrrrrrn yomamamamamamamama!!! Whatever that means).  
**W-w- WHAT THE CRAP! BACK ON TASK!!****  
**  
Jane: NEVER! Hey, Called For!  
Called For: Whaddayawant?!  
Jane: You're QUEER! OOOOOOOOOOOHHHH GAY BOY!!! YOU LOOOVEEE FRANK!!! YOU'RE EVEN PINK! YOU'RE GAY! YOU'RE GAAY! GAY, GAY, GAY, GAY, GAY, GAY, GAY!!!  
Called For: N- n- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! -explodes-  
All: GASP!  
Ash: H- how COULD you!?! CALLED FOR WAS MY BEST CREATION!!! Idiot.  
Jane: BWAHAHAH! I NOW HAVE THE FRANK PLUSHIE AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!!!! -bites plushy-  
All: GASP!  
_All of the sudden... something so incredibly stupid, unrealistic, unbelievable, retarded, and very OOC happens... THE FRANKIE PLUSHIE BECOMES A VAMPIRE PLUSHY!! Why? Umm... PLOT DEVICES! POINTLESS PLOT DEVICES!__  
_**Ah crap! Look what you did, Jane! NOW THERE'S A FREAKING VAMPIRE FRANK PLUSHY RUNNING AROUND!!! That's just wonderful! That's not even POSSIBLE!!!****  
**Carlisle: I know! That couldn't possibly happen! Vampires can't turn intimate objects into OTHER vampires, and they can't turn them alive!!

-Frank plushy bites his fellow band member plushies-  
**Ah crap! Look what you did, Jane and the Frank plushy!! NOW THERE'S FIVE VAMPIRE PLUSHIES RUNNING AROUND!****  
**-Gerard plush leads the way to a random Starbucks cup-  
All: COFFEE!?  
Random Vampireologist: -talking into camera- Hi! I'm Mark Taiwan (HWHH: Wtf?! KMF: Whaaaat? It's just a retarded last name! HWHH: And retarded it definitely is. KMF: Yeah well... SO'S YOUR FACE! HWHH: What?! KMF: Exaacccttllyyy...) and we're hear at Universal Studios in Orlando, Florida to witness something amazing- a new breed of vampires in their natural habitat! This new breed is classified as the Inatimiciousvampiriccus pushiuciousness, otherwise known as 吸血鬼のプラシ天, which I think is possibly Japanese for "Vampire Plush" (KMF: Retarded AltaVista translator thing...) Well, anyway, I believe we are about to witness this new species eating! Let's take a closer look!!  
-The plushies stare at the cup of coffee for about thirty seconds before sinking their teeth into it-

Us: What-  
Edward: The-  
Carlisle: CRAP!?!

**Ohhhkayyy... right, EVERYONE, BACK IN YOUR PLACES BECAUSE WE ARE CONTINUING ON AS NORMAL!!! Or... however that may apply...****  
****JANE! She ran over the taco bell dog. In her low-rider.****  
**Jane: I don't own a low-rider.  
**Jane... is George Dubya Bush and she approved this message. TACOS RULE!****  
**Jane: Uh... do I look like Gee-Dub to you?  
**Jane... If cryogenics were all free then you could live like Walt Disney and live for all eternity inside a block of ice!****  
**Jane: Uh...  
-crickets-CONTINUING!!  
**JANE! Half a faacce...****  
**Jane: Wait, huh? -half of her face falls off-  
Jane: AHHHHHHHH! MY FACE!  
All: GASP!  
Mysterious voice: BWAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!!!  
**Wait! Hey, where's that coming from?!?!**  
-CALLED FOR makes his dramatic return, wearing a long, flowing cape that has (in very microscopic print) "Made by Ayame Sohma" stitched on the bottom left corner-  
All: DOUBLE GASP!  
Called For: THAT WAS MY DOING!!! Plushies, ASSEMMMBLEEEEE!!!  
-Plushies gather around Called For-  
Called For: COME, PLUSHIES! We must work our next attack!  
-POOF-

**What the crap!? Anyway...**  
**JAAANNNEEE... likes** **milk.****  
**Jane: YEEAAAAHHH! It comes from Happy Cows! Which DON'T ALWAYS come from California, sometimes they come from Washington County, Missouri! Or somewhere in the middle of Nebraska! Or... uh.. JAPAN!  
**Jane... loves math? HOW DARE SHE!****  
**Jane: 2x5 is ELEVENTEEN! HA! Beat THAT!  
**Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! I FEEL MY BRAIN MELTING INTO TINY RUBBERY BITS! Whatever THAT means...****  
****Jane... all hail Plankton...**  
Jane: Why?  
**Because, his bucket helmets are awesome.****  
**Jane: Why?  
**Because they're so ugly that they're cute.**  
Jane: Why?  
**Because... well, nothing's really cute about a **_**bucket**_**  
**Jane: Why?  
**Because it has a fugly cylindrical shape.**  
Jane: Why?  
**Because it holds water.**  
Jane: Why?  
**Because people need things to hold water in.**  
Jane: Why?  
**Because, water is a staple in our lives. If we didn't have it... I mean, not you obviously, but the humans.**  
Jane: Why?  
**Well, because out body depends on water. And since you don't drink water, you don't apply.**  
Jane: Why?  
**Because Aro changed you.**  
Jane: Why?  
**Because you were dying and he found you useful.**  
Jane: Why?  
**Because you had potential.****  
**Jane: Why?  
**Because it's just who you were.**  
Jane: Why?  
**That all has to do with genetics and how you were brought up and... stuff.**  
Jane: Wh- OH SCREW IT!!!  
**HA! I BEAT YOU!!**  
Jane: RAWR!  
**Jane... The music video for Famous Last Words is the third most viewed video of all time on Youtube.****  
**Jane: Wow. And I really care?  
**YOU SHOULD!****  
****Jane... HOMOPHOBIA IS GAY!****  
**Jane: Yes... I know.  
**Then why did you insult Called For like that?** (A/N: NOOOO HE IS NOT GAY! MY GOD! WHAT HAVE WE WRITTEN!?)  
Jane: BECAUSE I WANTED A FRANK PLUSHY, OKAY?!  
**Jane... YOU SUNK MY BATTLE SHIP!****  
**Jane: Ehehe... ooh, that was your carrier, too. Ah well, just goes to show you that the JFK (the ship, that is) IS A PIECE OF CRAP AND IT DESERVED TO BE DECOMMED!!  
**Jane... Um, moooooooooo!**  
Jane: What- the- crap?  
**Jane... you could be the next Justin Timberlake, I swear to god!****  
**Jane: EH?!!?  
**Zee Oh Em Gee! SHE'S TURNING INTO TOHRU HONDA! SOUND THE ALARMS, HOIST ANCHOR, GET THE MULTIPLE JACK SPARROWS TO THEIR BATTLE STATIONS, EAT CAAAKE! HO!****  
**Jane: -twitch, twitch- No idea what you're talking about!!  
**Jane... icky mushroom!!**  
Jane: But- ummm...  
**Jane... this is pretzle day!****  
**Jane... ah, yes, and everthing has been thrown off balance for the confectionary wonder that is... a soft pretzel, covered in everything imaginable.  
-Everyone is now eating pretzels-  
Bella: Mmm, this is a good pretzel.  
Jacob: Totally. Smothered in chocolate sauce... damn. Good stuff.  
Edward: I'll have to agree. I mean, we'll have to throw it up later, but goddaaammnnn, good pretzels.  
All of the other members of the Cullen family: Agreed.  
**Jane... if you're so good at math, the please solve the following equation...****  
****TACOxMUFFIN equals WHAT?!****  
**Jane: Um... huh?  
**You have five minutes to find the correct answer.****  
**-Jeopardy music plays on a loop... then, everyone dies of boredom waiting for Jane to find the correct answer...-  
All (but Jane): Oh DEAD!  
-They all come back again-  
All (but Jane)- YAY! WE'RE ALIVE!!  
Jane: Uhh, is it the rare taco muffin?  
Ash: Ooh, I'm sorry... the correct answer was... Mansex (AKA Xemnas), tell her the answer.  
Xemnas: ... ETERNAL DARKNESS! -poof-  
**Jane... I LIKE POTATOS!****  
**Jane: oh... okay... I'm just going to... uh... I AM SORRY FOR SO RUDELY- ah!  
-evil smirks-  
Called For: AHA! I HAVE IT!! I KNOW THE ULLLTIMATE TORTURE!

-plays footage of Kyo Sohma... Fruits Basket Anime style.-  
Jane: -twitch twitch-  
Called For: What's your sign?  
Jane: D-d- CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTT!! -POOF! SHE'S TORHU!  
All: GASP!  
**But wait, that's not Torhu, its-****  
**-called for pulls off mask to reveal...-  
All: GASP! A RANDOM ORGANIZATION MEMBER?  
**But wait, that's not a random organization member... it's...****  
**-pulls back hood...-  
All: GASP! A TOMATO!  
**But that's not a tomato, it's...****  
**All: GASP! DARLA!  
Darla: FISHHYYY!!  
**But that's not Darla... it's...****  
**All: GASP! OLD MAN JENKINS?  
O.M.J: CORRECTION! Thats... -pulls off mask- LEEERROOOOOOY JEEEEENKIINNNSS!!  
All: GASP!  
Leeerrooooooy Jeeeeenkiinnnss: And I would've gotten away with it, too! If it weren't for you darn meddling kids and your stupid cotton candy being!  
Called For: SCOOOOBY DOOBY DOOO!!!  
Random person: AHAHA! He said dooby! -poof-  
**Ohhhh effing kay. This has been tooootally pointless.****  
**  
TODAY'S MUSICAL GUESTS... PLUSHY MY CHEM!!! Singing I'm Not Okay is slow motion! (Just try to picture it for a second... trust me, even in the Making Of, if you slow it down, it's hilarious)

_Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say.__  
__I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way.__  
__For all the dirty looks, the photographs your boyfriend took,__  
__Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?___

_I'm not okay__  
__I'm not okay__  
__I'm not okay__  
__You wear me out___

_What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?__  
__(I'm not okay)__  
__I've told you time and time again you sing the words but don't know what it means__  
__(I'm not okay)__  
__To be a joke and look, another line without a hook__  
__I held you close as we both shook for the last time take a good hard look!___

_I'm not okay__  
__I'm not okay__  
__I'm not okay__  
__You wear me out___

_Forget about the dirty looks__  
__The photographs your boyfriend took__  
__You said you read me like a book, but the pages all are torn and frayed___

_I'm okay__  
__I'm okay!__  
__I'm okay, now__  
__(I'm okay, now)___

_But you really need to listen to me__  
__Because I'm telling you the truth__  
__I mean this, I'm okay!__  
__(Trust Me)___

_I'm not okay__  
__I'm not okay__  
__Well, I'm not okay__  
__I'm not o-fucking-kay__  
__I'm not okay__  
__I'm not okay__  
__(Okay)_

Carlisle: Wow. I honestly think that my high IQ has now been lowered to about 10. And... the authors have finally done it. The apocalypse is upon is, the Idiocracy is real, and may god have mercy on their souls. I don't think I'll ever recover from-  
Random cheerleaders: RETARD NATION! RETARD NATION! PEACE! THE WORLD IS ROUND!  
Carlisle: Well said.

**SOLONG AND GOODNIGHT! SEE YOU NEXT TIME!!****  
**------------------------------  
End.  
ASH'S NOTE: Yeah, well, that was insane! I don't even know why that idea suddenly came to mind... rabid My Chem vampire plushies... that's just insane!

_DISCLAIMER: We do not own, do not know, or are not associated in any way with the following people, companies, or bands and we are using their works without consent: My Chemical Romance, All That, Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Stephenie Meyer, Nickelodeon, Universal, The Office, NBC, Fosters Home for Imaginary Friends, Square-Enix, Disney, Kingdom Hearts, Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories, Kingdom Hearts II, Kingdom Hearts II: Final Mix, Kingdom Hearts Re: Chain of Memories, Jeopardy!, Fruits Basket, FUNimation, Tokyopop, Hana to Yume magazine, Robot Chicken, that song "Funny Farm", those Happy-Cows-Come-From-California commercials, "Jap Hearts" (as seen on Youtube, made by Engulfed), that one song with the lyrics about Walt Disney (I'm sorry! We don't know which song it is), Pop Tarts, X-play, G4TV, TiVo, Finding Nemo, Reprise records, Eyeball records, Startbucks, "Leroy Jenkins", "I Ran Over the Taco Bell Dog", and Battleship. If there are any nouns out there that we left out, we do not own, know, and are not associated with them either. We made no profit off of this... whatsoever. As that t-shirt says... Volunteer! It doesn't pay._


	27. House of Wolves and Shroom Killers

ALOHA! We're not sure if it's possible to top our last chapter…  
After much deliberation on the subject of our next victim, the authors have decided to use someone who's…uh, _rather important_. And though we usually do whatever the fans suggest, we aren't doing any more Volturi members (well, for now anyway)….

ASH'S INTERRUPTING NOTE: Hey! I recently went to Sanrio Puroland and Tokyo Disneyland (Tokyo DisneySEA trip is coming up, too) and I got some good inspiration for this. Oh, AND I GOT A KINGDOM HEARTS II JIGSAW PUZZLE WHILE AT TDL!! Yes, 1000 pieces of pure fun in a pretty black box…. You read right. Kingdom Hearts II. I'm way too obsessed, no?

HOLLY'S INTERRUPTING NOTE (For Once): YO! I have recently done nothing of importance. Florida is not that fun no matter how much you might think. Lately it is the dreary rainy in the afternoon and Sunny to no extent in the morning and pretty soon in August I am starting school again. Freshman. Joy.

ANYWAY, today's victim is…

BILLY BLACK!  
–hears lack of applause-  
HEY! Do you want to read a good chappy or a really infuriatingly boring one?  
-Hears sudden applause-  
Thank you.

**CONTEST-**  
"_I will not have you talk about mother that way!_"_  
_"_You meanie!_"

**WHOEVER GUESSES WHAT MOVIE THAT'S FROM GETS THEIR OWN WORK OF CRAZYNESS WRITTEN BY US!!! Zats right. US. Meh, I could've said "THAT RANDOM GUY ACROSS THE STREET IN APARTMENT 83!" and that would've sounded better….  
**---------------------------------------------  
**Know your stars. Know your stars, know your stars, "Mikey Way's phone number is-" "NOOOOOOOOO!!!", know your stars, know your stars….BILLY BLACK! Lives a long time ago in a galaxy far away…  
**Billy: Huh?  
**Billy Black… SHROOM KILLER!**  
Billy: I DO kill shrooms. Nasty things…  
**Bu-but… THEY HELP WITH DECOMPOSITION!!**  
Edward: The Voice is right, you know.  
**OF COURSE I'M RIGHT! Don't doubt me or I'll send you to the Cinnamon Dream Café! AND YOU'LL EAT CINNAMOROLL'S YUMMY CUSTARD UNTIL YOU PROJECTILE VOMIT!!!**  
Edward: …  
**BACK ON TASK!****  
****Billy Black… the bearded lady…****  
**Billy: Bearded lady? But I'm a man!  
**Billy Black… LET'S RIDE ROGER RABIT'S CAR TOON SPIN!! Wii, its fun!!** (_Holly: Wii? Ash: It IS pronounced "wee" after all…. Holly: Ah, I see…_)  
Billy: No thank you… wait, what's that?  
All: GASP!  
**Dude, it's only the most awesomest dark ride EVAH!**  
Billy: … okay?  
**Billy Black…. EL PIRATA DEL TACO HOLE!**  
Billy: WHAT?!  
**Ehehe, YOU SHALLZ NEVAH KNOW! (A/n: Actually, if you're dying to know, you can find out what the crap Ash means by that at the bottom of the story)****  
****BILLY BLACK!!! Sharp impure point…****  
**Billy: Okay, now I really don't get that.  
**Billy Black… MOST POPULARITY!**  
Billy: GAH! ENGRISH!  
**Billy Black… ALL HAIL STITCH!**  
Billy: Sure, sure… (Ash: I HATE WHEN HE AND JACOB DO THAT!!!)  
Stitch: BWAAAHEHEHEHEHEHAH! I am CUTE AND FLUFFY! And I own you!  
All (now bowing): All hail Stitch, all hail Stitch…  
Called For: I SHALL NOT COMPLY!!  
Stitch: YESH YOU WILL.  
-fight breaks out-  
**Sigh. Doesn't that happen in EVERY chapter?****  
**Edward: Not mine.  
**Yes, but you threatened to "come up there to that little black room up there."****  
**Edward: Point…**Billy Black…Loves to Pop Wheelies on his wheel chair!  
**Billy: Erhmm…THAT is NOT True! Okay..Maybe it is..  
**BILLY BLACK… Zomg! PANDAS!****  
**Billy: What does that have to do with anything?  
**Nothing at all…**  
**EVERYBODY TIE YOUR SHOES, CLAP CLAP!****  
**-clap clap!-  
**Billy Black… IS A GOOFY GOOBER!****  
**Billy: I- am?  
**Yes.****  
**Billy: No.  
**CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW!****  
**Billy: HEH?!  
**Billy Black… ate all of the honey popcorn in Tomarrowland…****  
**Billy: Not ALL of it… but that was some good popcorn, you can't blame me!  
**Mmm, I know, honey popcorn owns…**  
Bella: I'm more of a caramel person myself.  
Edward: Chocolate for me.  
Bella: Really?  
Edward: -shrugs- One person had to say chocolate… I figured it might as well be me.

**ANYWAY…****  
****Billy Black… He owns a Cinnamoroll popcorn bucket.****  
**Billy: WHO IS EFFING CINNAMOROLL?!  
All: GASP!  
**For your information, Shiloh, Cinnamoroll is a flying DOG who runs a freaking CAFÉ AND IS THE CUTEST FLYING DOG OUT THERE!****  
****Billy: …since when was I ****_Shiloh_**  
Since you were a puppy dawg.  
Jacob: YAY! THE VOICE GOT IT RIGHT!  
**SILENCE, 'FOO!****  
****Billy Black… he wants his jar of dirt.****  
**Billy: What?  
**Billy Black… life would be so much better if he had that jar of dirt.**  
Billy: Why would I want a jar of dirt?  
**Billy Black… Because it helps.**  
Billy: I DON'T HAVE A JAR OF DIRT!!  
**Billy Black… "I'VE GOT A JAR OF DIIIRT! I'VE GOT A JAR OF DIIIRT! And guess what's inside itttt…"****  
**Billy: …uh, dirt?  
**NO, YOU FOOL! DAVEY JONES' HEART!! –whacks with a random banana-shaped cell phone holder-****  
****Billy Black… got owned by Keropi!****  
**Billy: WHAT'S A KEROPI?!  
All: GASP!  
**Only the cutest froggy in existence!****  
****Billy Black… owns a pair of Kuromi ears.****  
**Billy: DO NOT!  
**…And an "I Heart Kuromi" shirt****  
**Billy: NO! NO!! NOOOO!! Wait, who's Kuromi!?!  
All: GIGANTIC GASP!  
**Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!! What do you MEAN "who's Kuromi"?!?!****  
**Billy: -gets so mad he turns into a wolf-  
**Uh oh, I feel a musical guest coming on….****  
**TODAY'S MUSICAL GUEST: A recording of My Chemical Romance performing House of Wolves!! HURRAH!

_Well, I know a thing about contrition,  
Because I got enough to spare.  
And I'll be granting your permission,  
'Cause you haven't got a prayer.  
Well I said hey, hey hallelujah,  
I'm gonna come on sing the praise.  
And let the spirit come on through ya,  
We got innocence for days!_

Well, I think I'm gonna burn in hell,  
Everybody burn the house right down.

And say, ha  
What I wanna say  
Tell me I'm an angel,  
Take this to my grave.  
Tell me I'm a bad man,  
Kick me like a stray.  
Tell me I'm an angel,  
Take this to my grave.

(S-I-N, I S-I-N  
S-I-N, I S-I-N  
S-I-N, I S-I-N  
S-I-N, I S-I-N)

You play ring around the ambulance,  
Well like you never gave a care.  
So get the choir boys around you,  
It's a compliment, I swear.  
And I said, ashes to ashes, we all fall down,  
I wanna hear you sing the praise,  
I said, ashes to ashes, we all fall down,  
We got innocence for days!

Well, I think I'm gonna burn in hell,  
Everybody burn the house right down.

And say, ha  
What I wanna say  
Tell me I'm an angel,  
Take this to my grave.  
Tell me I'm a bad man,  
Kick me like a stray.  
Tell me I'm an angel,  
Take this to my grave.

You better run like the devil,  
'Cause they're never gonna leave you alone!  
You better hide up in the alley,  
'Cause they're never gonna find you a home!  
And as the blood runs down the walls,  
You see me creepin' up these halls.  
I've been a bad motherfucker  
Tell your sister I'm another  
Go! Go! Go!

And I said, say,  
What I wanna say  
Tell me I'm an angel,  
Take this to my grave.  
Tell me I'm a bad man,  
Kick me like a stray.  
Tell me I'm an angel,  
Take this to my grave.

Tell me I'm a bad, bad, bad, bad man.  
Tell me I'm a bad, bad, bad, bad man.  
Tell me I'm a bad, bad, bad, bad man.  
Tell me I'm a bad, bad, bad, bad man.  
So get up!  
So get out!  
S-I-N, I S-I-N!  
  
YAY FOR MY CHEM!

Billy: THIS SUCKED! IT WAS TOTALLY POINTLESS!! COME ON, EVERYONE, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!!!  
-poof-

**Err, that concludes our show?**

THE END.  
------------------

El Pirata del Taco Hole is part of an inside joke. There is a restaurant right outside of Pirates of the Caribbean in Magic Kingdom called "El Pirata del…" something. We just call it The Pirate Taco Hole. Kay? Okay. Now that that's all cleared up…

Sorry if this wasn't that funny. It's 1 AM in Japan right now...

WHO WILL BE OUT NEXT VICTIM?! WHY DID BILLY TURN INTO A WOLF? WHO'S BEEN PAITING MY ROSES RED?!?!  
The answer? I don't know.  
See ya reaaal soon! Ahyuck!


	28. Fire Zee Missals!

Well, just because the authors just HAVE to do something different/an author's note EVERY. OTHER. CHAPTER… We decided to put a "behind the scenes" in for every A/N.

TODAY IS TALK LIKE YOUR IN THE "ZEE END OF THE WORLD" VIDEO DAY!

Zeesh one is to warn you of a change in OUR NAME. Hokay, so we've got a part of Vampires will Never Hurt You here, aind YEW have to pick out the lyric that will be our name. The CORRECT lyric.

_And as always, innocent like roller coasters.  
Fatality is like ghosts in the snow and you have no idea what you're up against  
because I've seen what they look like.  
Becoming perfect as if they were sterling silver chainsaws going cascading..._

If yew haive been paying attention to our profile, this should be pretty easy. And right after zee next chapter goes up, we will haive our name changed, even if no one correctly guessed.

ALSO, we 'ave our first contest going still. Withlovekalie came EXTREAMLY close to the answer. Come on, Square-Enix fans, THINK!!  
Here is zee line again-  
_"I will not have you talk about Mother that way!"  
"You meanie!"  
_Guess the movie!!! Hint: SQQUAAREEE-EEENIIIXXXX!!! O.o_  
_  
Hokay, soz now you need to read our "try something different"! AH MOTHERLAND!  
--------------------------------------------------------------------  
This one takes place… BACKSTAGE.  
"Ugh, so why did you call us back here, director person? That ending –POOF- was to signify that everyone left for about a week or so!!" Rosalie wasn't happy about this turn of events, and just wanted to go back home to her happy little irritable grizzlies and TiVo (which Jasper would totally hog).  
The director person goes cross-eyed and falls to the floor, giggling and shouting "RASTA PASTA!" Everyone stares. Alice, who also wanted to get home so she could trick Bella into being Guinea Pig Barbie yet again, sighed and yelled, "Jasper, FIX THE DIRECTOR! He's broken again!"  
With a loud sigh, Jasper fixed the poor Director Person by making him feel melancholy. Of course, that made everyone else feel melancholy. Not cool. The Director collected his dignity, got up, and started yelling. "NOBODY SAW THAT!!"  
Everyone let out a sigh of relief as the director returned to normal-mode. "I called you back here because WE HAVE A FRIGGIN' PROBLEM!!"  
If you can guess what the mob of regulars did next… you get a Hello Kitty cookie.  
Three guesses.  
…  
…  
…  
If you guessed –GASP!-, you're absolutely correct.  
With a –GASP!-, everyone went silent. The director continued. "Alright, we're running out of people to interview until Eclipse! Plus, the writers are going on a Harry Potter break soon!! We only have a handful of people left. And guess what we're going to do right now?"  
The crowd was stumped. And all at once, they yelled. "What?!"  
The director went on, "WE'RE GONNA VOTE!" Another overly-dramatic gasp went through the room. "Okay, so we've got the following people: Aro, Marcus, Caius, Alec, Heidi, Lauren, and Called For. The rest are after the Harry Potter break and Two Day Eclipse Break, which is only Two Days because of the time difference the writers live in. Got it?" Axel finds this the appropriate time to –POOF- in and make a cameo, and adds on "-Memorized?! X-E-M, N-A-S" to that. The he –POOFS- again, leaving everyone to go "okay…"  
The annoyed Director, who was starting to take on the attributes of Phil from the Disney "Hercules" shouted "SO GET TO VOTIN'!"  
------------------------------------------------------  
This means YOU TOO, readers! That's right, GET TO VOTING! Again, we have…

ARO, MARCUS, CAIUS, ALEC, HEIDI, LAUREN, AND CALLED FOR!

The authors are serious about zee Harry Potter break. We'll be taking a few weeks off to read Harry Potter and zee Deathly Hallows, and then we'll be taking two days off to read Eclipse. Which I'm certain Ash will have read in a single evening.

Much love,  
The Authors- Ash, Seeker of Darkness and Holly the Wise (YAY FOR KINGDOM HEARTS JOKES!)

_DiZclaimer: We don't own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Kingdom Hearts or said Mystery Square-Enix production. Or the song "Vampires will Never Hurt You". Stephenie Meyer, J.K. Rowling, everyone at Square-Enix and Disney, and My Chemical Romance do. Sigh._


	29. Lawyer Ran is Lauren

The angels sang out in immaculate chorus. Down from the heavens descended Chuck Norris…  
O.o what the crap..?!?

**BEGIN THE A/N DIALOUGE THAT TAKES UP 50 BILLION PAGES!  
**  
Ash's note: OMG! I FINALLY GOT MY SEA SALT ICE CREAM! I went to Tokyo DisneySea the other day, and I got some in the Lost River Delta area, right outside of Indiana Jones Adventure: Temple of the Crystal Skull (I love that ride… BUT I WILL NEVER RIDE RAGING SPIRITS!!) It's just vanilla ice cream with some salt, and it tastes just like that. But it's a very interesting taste… you should try it. It was pretty good. And yes, I did imitate Donald Duck in true Kingdom Hearts II style. I ate some and go "SALTY?! No…SWEET?!" And then I giggled like a maniac. Sigh.  
I have been very VERY sleep deprived ever since (and that was only two days ago) and I had to wake up at 6 this morning….. also, I'm trying to not snap at everyone every two seconds (which is normal behavior for me… I have no idea why…) so I can get some My Chemical Romance merch (this time, the pens, pencils, and a journal) so I will seem very…er… loopy, I guess. I don't even want to talk today, really. I'm too pessimistic to NOT ruin my chance at new merch by talking. xD  
**I HAVE A NEW STORY UP UNDER THIS ACCOUNT!** It's a Kingdom Hearts story. I'd appreciate it if at least 2 people reviewed so I can continue it... .''  
I'd also like to say that I am getting ALL of my Harry Potter multimedia (the 7th book AND the movie…ugh) later than everyone else, so I ask that you please do not try and purposefully ruin the book for me or talk about the movie nonstop. Yes, I know. SIRIUS DIES AND I WILL CRY WHENEVER I SEE IT.

Holly's note: OMG! I saw Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix on Tuesday on the midnight showing! IT FLIPPING ROCKED! Heehee. If you have been paying attention on Stephenie Meyer's website for the past, IDK weeks, you would have noticed the quotes of the day. The funniest was the one about Jacob Half naked that makes me and Ash CRACK UP LAUGHING! MWUAHAHAHHA-Cough….STILL COUGHING…..AND DONE!- HAHAHAUAUAHA! Done. xD

OKAY. ABOUT OUR CONTESTS…  
Our new name is going to be Ghosts in the Snow now, so take note! WE'RE NOW GHOSTS IN THE SNOW!!! Yaaayyy US!

For the movie quotes… BAH! The answer is Final Fantasy 7: Advent Children! The only two who even entered and came close were withlovekalie and Chi Cullen. We'll still give you prizes, but we're deliberating when we'll PM them out and even WHAT we'll PM out, so bear with us you guys. Ash will take care of it as soon as she can talk to Holly again.

AND NOW…. THE VOTING…  
It looks like Lauren won, with Called For in second. And to ILOVEVAMPIRES2007 and ichigoxringo, we're putting off characters for after Eclipse. That's why we haven't done the rest of the "dawgs". Ehehe, we SHOULD do Jacob's mom, though… just another person to further extend the series.

OKAY! Now that Ash has taken up a page worth of A/N's, we can BEGIN NOW!!! YAAYYYY!!! I LOVE WINDOWS XP, BECAUSE VISTA SUCKS!!! AND I WANT A MAAACCCCCC!!!!  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Like, ohmygod! It's Lauren!!!  
Lauren: HIIII EVERYBODDDYY!!! –sipping a vanilla bean frappucino-  
**KNOW YOUR STARS…. KNOW YOUR STARS…. I've got a jar of DURRRR….what does that have to do with anything!?!... KNOW YOUR EFFING STARS ALREADY, MY GOD!! Lauren… OH MY GOD SHOES.  
**Lauren: -twitch- THOSE SHOES ARE MIIIINE, BETCH.  
Called For: BETCH!??!! –slaps Lauren- BIIIIIIATCH!!!  
Lauren: BETCH.  
Called For: BIATCH.  
Lauren: BETCH!  
Called For: BIATCH!  
-yet ANOTHER fight breaks out-  
All: Sigh.  
Edward: This is getting predictable.  
Bella: STOP FIGHTING AND DO SOMETHING ELSE!  
Emmett: -throws a lemonade stand at Called For and Lauren- BOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
All: GASP! (A/N: Everyone is staring at Emmett now…)

Bella: Holy fricken crap!  
Edward: Not in front of the humans!  
Jacob: Idiot.

ANYWAY…  
**Lauren… lemmy borrow that top!  
**Lauren: No…  
**Lauren… aren't we friends? So, what's the problem? Lemmy borrow the top.  
**Lauren: I'M WEARING IT RIGHT NOW, YOU CAN'T BORROW IT.  
**Lauren… LET ME BORROW THAT FKING TOP!!! **  
Lauren: I AM NOT HAPPY. SCREW YOU!

-crickets-  
Okaaay….

**Lauren… who delivered a kick which could shatter bones into the crotch of Indiana Jones…  
**Lauren: But I don't even KNOW Indiana Jones! He's a fictional character!!!  
**But don't you at least watch Robot Chicken?  
**Lauren: No. My god, BELLA watches that! Why would I watch something that SHE watches?!  
Bella: Hey, Robot Chicken is awesome!!! Stop acting like I'm the only one who watches it.  
Lauren: 'Scuse me? Did someone speak?  
**LAUREN….**  
-Bella and Lauren stop a stare down and look up to the "little room in the wall up there"-  
**… she goes clubbing to "I've Got a Jar of Dirt"…**  
All: WTF!?  
**Lauren…. Good evening, gentlemen! All your base are belong to us.**  
Lauren: What?! Huh? Who?**  
****Lauren… DEAR- ASHFACES-**  
Lauren: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.  
**Lauren… oh look, we're in that old Mad TV parody of Laguna Beach!**  
Lauren: OH GOD NO.  
-twitch- JESS'CA! JESS'CA! JESS'CA! JESS'CA! JESS'CA! JESS'CA! JESS'CA!  
Jessica: WHAT??!!??!?!!?! I'M RIGHT HERE.

**Lauren… Wednesday is the only day that starts with a dubya!  
**Lauren: And Friday is the only day that starts with an F.  
**True, true…  
Lauren…. EEAAGGLEEEEEE!!!**  
Lauren: Okay then…

**Lauren… OHMAHGAWD! IT'S A TIRAMISU ICE CREAM SAMMICH! QUICK, EAT IT!  
**-random tiramisu ice cream sammich appears before Lauren-  
Lauren: Uhhh….  
-DING!- **TIME'S UP! YOU FAIL!!!!11!!!1!!**  
Lauren: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! OH. OH. OH. OH. OH. OH. OH. OH. OH. OH. OH. OH. OH. OH. OH. OH. OH. OH.  
-POOF-  
Sora: This guy's a broken record!  
-POOF-  
Lauren: OH. OH. OH. OH. OH. OH. OH. OH. OH-  
Director person (falls from celing): EHEHE. PAAAAANNNNNCAAAAKKKEEESSSS!!!

Er…  
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS SHORT MUSICAL GUEST BREAK!

Today's musical guest: Flagpoll Sitta by Harvey Danger on a mix CD full of songs downloaded from Limewire! YAY! This is Ash's new theme song, btw. It used to be Teenagers.

Fingertips have memories,  
Mine can't forget the curves of your body  
And when I feel a bit naughty  
I run it up the flagpole and see who salutes  
(But no one ever does)

I'm not sick, but I'm not well  
and I'm so hot 'cause I'm in hell

Been around the world and found  
That only stupid people are breeding  
The cretins cloning and feeding  
And I don't even own a TV

Put me in the hospital for nerves  
And then they had to commit me  
You told them all I was crazy  
They cut off my legs now I'm an amputee, Goddamn you

I'm not sick, but I'm not well  
And I'm so hot cause I'm in hell  
I'm not sick, but I'm not well  
And it's a sin to live so well

I wanna publish 'zines  
And rage against machines  
I wanna pierce my tongue  
It doesn't hurt, it feels fine  
The trivial sublime  
I'd like to turn off time  
And kill my mind  
You kill my mind  
Mind...

Paranoia, paranoia  
Everybody's comin' to get me  
Just say you never met me  
I'm runnin' underground with the moles  
Diggin' in holes  
Hear the voices in my head  
I swear to God it sounds like they're snoring  
But if you're bored then you're boring  
The agony and the irony, they're killing me, whoa!

I'm not sick, but I'm not well  
And I'm so hot cause I'm in hell  
I'm not sick, but I'm not well  
And it's a sin to live this well

Err, we're still having technical difficulties as you can see…  
Director Person: MAH PASTA SALAD IS GOING GOOD, OH NOES!!! I LIKE CINNAMON PASTRY! WAFFLES GONNA KILLZ YAH!! –completely tears that one scrim off and wraps it around himself like a giant toga- TOOOGA! TOOOGA! TOOOGA! FISH ARE FRIENDS, NOT FOOD!  
Lauren: THE COCONUTS ARE AFTER MEH LUCKY FRAPPUCINO!!!  
Called For: NNGHKANAAGGNHANANHHANEKONKPKPHHBBBBBBPPTTTT!!!

-Er, right then…  
-A loud and annoying BOOOOOOOOOOOOP sounds, and a picture of a pirate flag surrounded by steak pops up with the words "We'll be back in a moment!" in lime green pops up-

TEN MINUTES LATER.  
Jasper: IS EVERYONE CALM NOW?!?! GOOD GRIEF.  
All: HAI, JASS-HOPPER!  
Jasper: …. Jass-hopper?  
Random person: Shyeah. Instead of grasshopper! EHEHEHE.

**Wow, that was weird…  
Lauren! NOT A LLAMA.  
**Lauren: You know it.  
**Lauren…. She's Laurent's sister.  
**All: GASP!  
Lauren: No. Way.  
**Yes. Way.**  
Ash: MIKEY. WAY.  
Holly: GERARD. WAY.  
-random picture of a taco pops up-  
You like ice cream. You like ice cream. You love it. You cannot resist ice cream…  
BACK TO THE "NORMAL" (yeah, right) PROGRAM!

Lauren: Why can't you just do something normal? Why must you torture me with the RANDOM?!  
**Because… THE BITCH MUST DIE**!  
**LAUREN…. Jiggly!  
**Lauren: -breaks out into loud giggle fit-  
**Lauren…. Why was there BACON IN THE SOAP!?!  
**Lauren: What bacon? What soap?  
**Lauren…. RESPECT MY ATHORA-TAH!  
**Lauren: NO WAY. Everyone, poof on the count of three!

UNO!  
DEUX!  
SAN!  
-POOF-

**Well, THAT'S THE GAAMMEEEE-EH!!! See you next time on….  
**  
BURGER KING OF THE AFTERLIFE!  
And remember, kids, never shake your baby!  
The end.  
------------------------------------------------------------  
My god, that was RANDOM.

OKAY, NOW LET'S BEGIN THE RIDICULOUSLY LONG DISCLAIMER-  
_  
Things we don't own: Invader Zim, Robot Chicken, South Park, the song "Flagpole Sitta", Harry Potter, the song "Vampires will Never Hurt You", the Twilight series of books by Stephenie Meyer, Scrubs, anything by Kelly, the song "I've Got a Jar of Dirt", Pirates of the Caribbean, AFN "never shake your babies" commercials, Limewire, the song "Teenagers", The Happy Song, whatever game "all your base are belong to us" is from… I think that covers it.  
We do not know and are not these people: My Chemical Romance, Harvey Danger, anyone working for Cartoon Network, Disney, Universal, or Comedy Central; Jonathan Kaplan, Stephenie Meyer, J.K. Rowling, etc.  
WE ARE NOT PROFITING OFF OF THIS WORK OF FICTION AND WE'RE USING THE CONTENT OF OTHER COMPANIES W/O PERMISSION._


	30. Eclipse

Yes, and authors note

Holly: I just finished Eclipse. I loved it, but yet hated it. I did not like the Jacob/Bella parts, if you have read eclipse you know what I mean. I got mad at Edward. I hated Bella. I hated Jacob. But yet, I still loved the book. It was a little short for me but with A LOT of action. So, if you want to discuss it just PM me and talk :).

Ash: I haven't gotten Eclipse yet, due to my overseas adress and the fact that I was forced to pre-order it through Amazon. Please, do not spoil ANYTHING for me or I will...er...well, I don't know, because I'm too much of a softy to threaten. xD  
But I'll do something. Something involving Jacob, a cliff, a chainsaw, and a giant Charmander plushy.  
You've been warned.

-Ghosts in the Snow

Backstage...  
Jacob: Wh- what?! WHAT!?!  
Ash: You heard me, Jacob. Plushy. Charmander. Chainsaw. Cliff.  
Jacob: You suck, you know that?  
Ash: Same to you, puppydog.  
Jasper: Hey, everybody just_ calm down_. -sends massive wave of calm through the room- Your anger makes me edgy.  
Meanwhile, Ash and Jacob are in a huge staredown.  
Jasper: I said CALM DOWN!  
Edward: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP WITH THE STAREDOWN SO JASPER CAN CALM DOWN.  
Jacob: Not until she stops.  
Ash: Not until he either keels over, falls asleep, or Dissapears. (If you've read the Eclipse playlist, you'll get it... btw: MY CHEM PWNS YOUR FACE! Hit me up on Mibba, 'foos... kidding. xD)  
Jacob: Not un- wait, what?!  
Ash: Exaccctlyy...  
Emery: WAKE UP, JACOB! WAKE UPPPP!!  
Jacob (turns to Emery to see Quil by his side): Uh, I'm awake... are you blind or something?  
Quil: WE FOUND A MAP TO CANDY MOUNTAIN, JACOB!  
Emery: YEAAAH, CANDY MOUNTAIN, JACOB!  
Jacob: Oh GOD. Not this...  
Ash: -smirk- Goodbye, Jacob. Have fun without a kidney.  
Jacob: NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Ohhhkaayyyyy... O.o

If you were wondering (which you probably weren't), this will take the place of the last author's note. Kay? Okay.


	31. Don't Do Drugs, Kids!

We're finally back. Hurrah.  
"May impair your ability to operate machinery! Can't tell what it means to me."

Remember the whole guess-what-movie-this-quote-came-from thing?  
Well, it's been decided (FINALLY) what we're going to do for it. Winners, we want you to pick a random word (any, as long as it's not dirty) and tell us what it is. We'll write about it… also, pick a character to make fun of.  
-----------------------------  
**Today's guest is… Leah Clearwater!  
**Leah: Hi. Can I like, go home now?  
**No. No you can't.**  
Leah: Dang it…

**Know your stars, know your stars, know your staaaarrrrsh…. Leah Clearwater… she's the square root of five…**  
Leah: Uh, what is that supposed to mean?  
**That you're the square root of five, stupid.**  
Leah: I'M NOT STUPID!  
**You just keep telling yourself that…**  
**Leah Clearwater… born in a swamp.  
**Leah: Uh… no.  
**Leah Clearwater… has her own line of alligator beauty products.**  
Leah: What.  
Jacob: Woof (Translation: The)  
Sam: Crap?  
Edward: Now THAT'S absurd.  
**No it isn't Edward daaaaaahhhling. Ugly alligators are quite an eyesore, and they tend to have low self esteem. They NEED beauty products to feel better about themselves. It tends to make them not rip your head off as much.**  
Edward: O…kay….

**Leah Clearwater…. GO GATORS!**  
Leah: Nuh-uh. SEMINOLES!  
-GASP!-  
**Oh…no…you…di'int….**  
Leah: Yeah, I did.  
**RAWR! FEEL MY WRATH!** –poof, a door appears- **Do you recognize this door?**  
Leah: … no…  
-Everyone else tenses upon seeing said door-  
**Jacob, perhaps you could bark out who this door belongs to for me?**  
Jacob: HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWL. Bark bark.  
**He said…. Guess what?**  
Leah: JUST TELL ME.

**It's the door to… MIKE'S BISHIE BASEMENT.**  
Leah: …Bishie…Basement?  
**-sigh- Did you NOT read "Roses, Or Why Outkast is Still Cool" AKA: Rosalie's Chapter?!**  
Leah: No.  
**Oh well. Jacob-**  
Jake: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.  
**Oh, YOUR MOM JACOB! Open the door….**  
Jake: -whimpers-  
**…For Beggin' Bits?**  
Jake: -goes into happy hyperactive Labrador retriever mode and opens the door…with a rope that's been tied to thee handle-  
**For that comment, GO INTO THE BASEMENT.**  
Leah: Wait, what's a bishie, anyway?  
**It's short for what everyone calls "bishounen", which should be spelled differently** (Ash: I live in Japan. I know. Get off meh case).** GET IN THERE.**  
Leah: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO- wait, what's a bishounen?  
**JUST GO IN THERE.**  
Leah: Okay, okay…. Jeeze….  
-She goes in, and Jacob closes the door-

Embry: HALLELUJAH LOCK AND LOAD! SHE'S GONE!  
Sam: -twitch, twitch-  
Jacob: -whimpers- (Translation: Oh nooo… why did you have to say that, Embry?)  
Embry: Sorry…  
Sam: Preach all you want, but who's gonna SAVE ME? I keep a gun on the book you GAVE ME. Hallelujah, lock and load! Black is the kiss, the touch of the serpent son. It ain't the mark of the scar that makes you one, and one, and one and on-  
Jacob: GRRRRRRRRRRRR (Translation: DANGIT, SAM!) –pounces on Sam-

**Wow. Okay… Today's musical guest was Sam! Anyway-**  
Leah: OH EM EFF GEE YAAAAAAAAAAYY! (A/N: Yes, that's her distant screams of joy from deep within the basement)  
**Oh, yeah… I forgot that the Bishie Basement isn't a punishment for girls… STUPID MEEEE.**  
Edward: So, disembodied voice-

**It's ALMIGHTY VOICE, STUPID!!!**  
Edward: Almighty Voice, then… are you saying that you're a guy?  
**…No… I don't have a gender. I'm a freaking disembodied voice!**  
Edward: But you SOUND like a man…  
**Well, hip, hip, hoo- okay, never mind. Not the best idea to recite more song lyrics around Sam…**  
Edward: So, you're telling me that disembodied voices don't have genders?  
**Yes.**  
Edward: So… how do you guys reproduce?  
**We come from Candy Mountain. There IS no reproducing involved.**  
Edward: … I just _had_ to ask, didn't I? –smacks forehead-

**Well, it looks like we'll be here waiting for Leah to find her way back out for awhile, so why not enjoy 23 hours of the nut shot? BWAHAHAHAHAA. I'M EVERY VILLAN IS LEMONS!**  
Jake: Woof. (Translation: Yes, you are.)  
-23 HOURS LATER-

**And that was, 23 HOURS OF THE NUT SHOT! Let's check back in with Leah, shall we? JAAAA-COOOOBB!!**  
Jacob: WOOF! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. GRRRR-RRR-RRR… meow. (Translation: I haven't gotten my Beggin' Bits yet!!)  
**-Sigh- SOMEONE GIVE HIM SOME BEGGIN' BITS.**

Sam: Waffles, C'MERE WAFFLES!  
-Jake bounds over to Sam, wagging his tail, being happy…-

Sam: Does Waffles want some bacon? Hmm? DOES WA-  
**…Waffles?**  
Sam: Yeah. Remember in the epilo-  
**SHH. Don't spoil it.**

Sam: Right, sorry. Well, his name is Waffles now, after you-know-what happened in the you-know-what-chapter. Remember when he said that he was leaving you-know-who behind? Yes, well, that's when I decided to name him Waffles. Because he really liked waffles, and the name just suits him.  
**O…kay….**  
**Well anyway… WAFFLES!**  
-"Waffles" stops munching on his Beggin' Bits- Woof?  
**Go into the basement and get Leah**.  
Jake/Waffles: -shudders- Woooof.  
-walks into the basement…-

THREE HOURS LATER.  
Leah: GOD, JACOB! YOU'RE SUCH A KILLJOY! UGH! QUIT IT, JACOB! EWWWW. DON'T LICK MY FACE!  
Jacob: -groowwwl-  
Leah: Oh PLEASE, Jacob! If you wanted me gone you could've- wait, how can I understand you if you're not in wolf form?  
-Everyone stops and thinks about it for a minute….-  
-POOF-  
Hatsuharu: A mystery…  
Emmett: WAAIIT! Haru! Let me just… ahhh, I see… I need this and this… and this… an-  
Haru: DON'T TOUCH ME.  
Emmett: Growl.  
Haru: MOOOO.  
**Boys, don't fight. Em, let Haru go home.**  
Hatsuharu: Thank god. –poof-  
Emmett: But… I just wanted to see if I was getting the costume right….  
Jasper: Emmett… please shut up. Please. For the sake of the universe.  
Emmett: Ehehehe… sorry….  
Jasper: -sigh-  
-Everyone goes back to pondering how it's possible to understand Jacob when they're not in wolf form…-

Edward: I want a pretzel.  
Bella: That was random.  
Edward: Very.  
-Everyone gets bored-  
Sam: Blah.  
**Leah Clearwater… Jeeze, perhaps I should let you go back to the Bishie Basement. This is BOOORING.**  
Leah: No, THINKING is boring.  
**LEAH CLEARWATER…**  
-Everyone starts to pay attention again-  
**…She owns a mansion and a yacht.**  
Leah: Nope.  
**Leah Clearwater… I like pantsuits.**  
Leah: That's wonderful. Thank you for sharing. Now, can I please go back to the B.B?  
**No.**  
**Leah Clearwater… I miss my mom, will they give me the chair? Lethal injection or swing from a rope if you dare… ah, nobody knows all the trouble I've seen!**  
Leah: GAWWWD. You're like, so annoying! Ooh! Jess'ca is texting me! YAY!!  
**Leah Clearwater… in the middle of a gunfight, In the center of a restaurant, they say… come with your arms raised high!**  
Leah: Oh, Jeeze… here we go again…  
Sam: They're never gonna get me… like a bullet through a flock of doves…  
Jacob: Woof. –Tackles sam-  
**WHOO! I LOVE THIS SONG!**  
**Leah Clearwater… Life is but a dream, for the dead….**  
Leah: Can't explain, can't complain…blah blah blah FINISHED.  
**You forgot the giggle.**  
Leah: What?  
**DO THE GIGGLE, DANGIT! Or I'll make your head pop off, roll on the floor, then mysteriously re-appear on your neck.**

Leah: Well, that's not very pleasant.  
**Exactly. DO THE GIGGLE.**

Leah: -sigh- … Ehehehe.  
**YAY!**  
Sam: I LIKE MUFFINS.  
Edward: That was random.  
Sam: I know.  
Bella: -smacks forehead- Why does coming to this studio make me feel like my IQ is diminishing by 50 points a minute?  
Edward: Well, obviously it can't be going by fifty points a minute, or else you'd be in the negatives.  
Bella: My point exactly.

**Leah Clearwater… you're annoying.**  
Leah: UGH! No I'm nooooooooooooott!!! –Runs up to Jacob and holds out a finger- I'M NOT TOUCHING YOU. I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you. I'm not- OOOOOOWWWWW! HE BIT MY EFFING FINGER! SONOFAMOTHERFATHERSCREWING FLYING MONKEY-SQUIRL-BAT!

**…The most colorful swear words I've ever heard…  
**Leah: OWWW! I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, EVERYBODY'S NERVES! I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves and this is how it gooooeess. I know a song that get's on everybody's nerve-  
Jacob: HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWL!

Edward: Isn't this the part when Called For is supposed to jump in with a copy of "57 Ways to Get On People's Nerves"? (A/N: It's on Fictionpress, if you want to read it. Credit to the author of it… I can't remember who wrote it, though, so I'm sorry for not giving out the author's name. We'll find it later and edit it to in this chapter, okay? Okay).  
Yes, but Called For is on vacation.  
Edward: Oh…  
**BACK TO LEAH!**

Leah: GUESS WHAT?! 1 cn 2p33k n00b!  
**NOOOOOOOOOOO!**

Leah: 12n't th12 ann0y1ng?  
**AHHH! THROW HER BACK INTO THE EFFING BASEMENT! I CAN'T TAKE THIS SHIT NO MO!**  
-They throw her back into the basement-  
**Glad that's over. OKAY, LET'S TAKE OFF!**

-POOF-  
---------------------  
Well… oh mah gawd! THE S WORD! NOO!

Warning, live without warning. I'm a walking contradiction and I ain't got no right.

WHOOT. OLD GREEN DAY SONGS.

IMPORANT AUTHOR'S NOTES. PLEASE READ-

Ash's note: Yes, I've been listening to "Internation Superhits" quite a bit lately, why do you ask? If you were wondering why it took so long for us to update… well… Holly's starting school again this week, I'm starting next week (ugh), and we had virtually no clue as to what we were going to do with this story after Eclipse came out and was read/listened to (please don't get me started with the iTunes fiasco, or we could be here for awhile). I mean, for about a week I had no idea what to do anymore. Holly didn't either. We've decided that we're going to re-write this in the form of a sequel. The title is still undecided, and we've still got characters to finish with for this one. So that means it isn't starting immediately. Don't worry, you guys.In the more BS side of life (AKA: In other news), I have been in the middle of several earthquakes lately. Every day, they get bigger, too. The last one I went though was probably around a 5.7, probably underwater. With, yes, plenty of aftershocks. It's quite weird to be sitting there, minding your own business and suddenly be thrown into an earthquake. It makes you scream "DUBYATEEEFF! Did you FEEL that?!" I don't even do the whole hide-under-a-table-or-desk thing like they tell you to. I don't know why. xD  
PEACE, LOVE, AND CHEMICAL ROMANCE,  
-Ash-

Holly's note: Aloha! I am starting school tomorrow -Sunday the 20th- So enjoy the rest of your summer or..STAY IN SCHOOL! We found there are over 11 new character in Eclipse. Although most of them are only very throughly mentioned and do not tie into most of the basic plot line it will be extremely difficult to develop them into this story. Although, me and ash will try our best. (: Have a nice summer or..School year! STAY IN SCHOOL AND DON'T DO DRUGS!  
-Haha-

TO ADD ON TO PREVIOUS DISCLAIMERS: We do not own the following: Cute with Chris, "57 Ways to Get on People's Nerves", FSU (BOOOOO!), UF, I Know A Song That Gets On Everybody's Nerves, Hatsuharu (or Fruits Basket, for that matter…NATSUKI TAKAYA, 'FOOS!), etc. We're not their owners, either. If you think we are, then WOAH. You're screwed in the head, maaaan.


	32. Bree! WHEE!

Squeeee! ANOTHER CHAPTAH!

I like pizza.

Ash's Note: Meh. Nothing that interesting. I'm learning how to play the piano, I dropped out of PE, and I can now play more than the intro to Welcome to the Black Parade on piano. Also, my computer programming class is sooooo effing boring! BY THE WAY: I own nothing in this fic but Called For and "Emo the Snowman." Holly owns all of the sarcasm and Edward's pretzels. I shall also be replying to people's comments

Holly's note: Yes, i own the pretzels and sarcasm. WOOOP. 9th grade has been going crappy but still kind of fun. I had a mental breakdown yesterday and started crying and screaming because I was so stressed. But I am indeed better now, thankfully. PE Is crap because I ran the mile in 95 degree weather. TAKE THAT THOSE WHO WANT TO MOVE TO FLORIDA. :). kidding but still i nearly had heat stroke. I am very happy that it is a three day weekend so I shall be sleeping in and making Muffins galore...Kidding but i shall be sleeping in. ENJOY! But it does make me wondah..

-----  
Remember out fancy Napoleon Dynamite-esque time machine? Yes, well, we're going back in time to meet BREE!!! –poof-  
Bree: HISSSSSS.  
Ah, I love the sound of newborn vampire in the morning…

**Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars, know your stars… BREE! Lemmy just touch ya muffins!**  
Bree: What the crap!? No offence here or anything, but I'm thirsty, and I don't think the ropes you've just tied me down to the couch with (A/N: Just try to picture it) with are going to hold me, an uber-strong newborn, for very long.  
**Nonsense!  
BREE… Lemmy just SQUEEZE 'EM!  
**Bree: …O.o dubyateeeff.  
**Rotfl! THAT LOOKED LIKE DUBYA TEEF!**  
Bree: You suck.  
**BREE…. A desperate housewife!**  
Bree: Uh, no.  
**Bree…. So how's Wisteria Lane been since last season?  
**Bree: I said I'M NOT ON DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES! I'M NOT THAT CHARACTER!  
**Bree… that's bull.  
**Bree: Bite me. No, wait, lemmy bite YOU. I'm THIRSTY!!!  
Edward: Hmm… -shoves a random pretzel in Bree's mouth and runs off-  
Bree: MMMMPPPPGGHHH!!! (Translation: EWWWW!!! I hate pretzels!)  
**Great! Now, while you're snacking…  
WHO WANTS A BODY MASSAGE?!**  
Bree: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh?  
**Mr. Body Massage Machine, GO!**  
Bree: -spits out pretzel, Edward can be heard gasping overdramatically in some random corner- Uhhh, wth?  
**Body massage…**  
Bree: This show is an insult to my intelligence. I SMELL BELLA, GIMMY!  
**… you've already been given a sample of Bella's scent?  
**Bree: DUH.  
Bella: GRRR. WAFFLES, SICK 'EM!  
Jacob/Waffles: Mmm? (Translation: Huh?)  
Bella: GO! AFTER THE VOICE! Darn it Jacob, I just don't get you sometimes…  
Jacob: GRRR. (Translation: GRRR.)  
**…Are you two done yet?  
**Edward: SHE WASTED A PRETZEL! Waffles, GET BREE!  
Jake the Waffle: HOOOOOOOWL! (Translation: NEVAH! BWAHAHAHA!)  
Edward: But… that was my snack…  
Bella: OH FOR CHRISSAKE, EDWARD! YOU'RE A VAMPIRE! YOU DON'T EAT PRETZLES! It's not like you're in "Millennium Snow" or something!  
Edward: …it's not my fault that all everyone thinks about when they get tired of thinking about each other is pretzels.  
Bella: Okay, Edward. We've spent too much time in the studio. You're IQ must've gone to an all-time low of like, .00000000000000000005 or something.  
Edward: Ah, fine…  
-POOF!-

**Okaayy… BACK TO THE STORY!  
Bree… Sorry, Zexy. You know too much.  
**Bree: Who's Zexy?  
-Sigh- Should I even bring him in?  
Waffles: Woof…. (Translation: Probably not…)  
**B-bu-**  
Waffles: Howwwwl woof woof OINK! (Translation: Oh, don't tell me you're a fangirl or whatever!)  
**HEY! I'm a disembodied freaking VOICE! I've told you a million times that I don't HAVE a gender!**  
Waffles: -rolls his eyes-Bark. (Translation: Whatever.)  
Bree: Seriously, WHO IS ZEXY?!  
**BREE…Corn nuggets, corn nuggets, good for me. Corn nuggets, corn nuggets, made for three!**  
Bree: What.  
Sam: The.  
Called For: NGHA! –poof-  
**…I thought that someone was supposed to say "Crap" ?!  
**Director person: … We don't have the budget to say the "c-word" anymore. We spent all of our money for Edward's dressing room.  
**WHAT?!  
**Director person: He had us fill it with pretzels.  
**…What.**  
Bree: THE-  
Waffles: WOOF! (Translation: FRENCH, TOAST?!)  
Sam: -twitch, twitch-  
**Oh no…  
**Sam: OHMIGAWD SUGAR!  
**Oh FREAKING NO!!!**  
Sam: -takes in huge breath-  
…  
Sam: DOYOULIKEWAFFLES?! YAOILIKEWAFFLES! DOYOULIKEPANCAKES!? YAOILIKEPANCAKES! DO YOU LIKE FRENCH TOAST?! YAHWELIKEFRENCHTOA-  
Jacob: RAAAAAAAAAAAWR!  
-Sam gets tackled-  
**…Seriously, is it possible to STAY ON TOPIC in ONE SINGLE EPISODE?!  
GAH!  
I'm going to be forced to press the 'splode button if it happens again.  
**All: -gulp- Yes… Almighty Voice…

**Bree… cars go VROOM-VROOM!**  
Bree: ..that's amazing  
**Bree… What shape is this? –a dollar bill pops up-**  
Bree: … a rectangle.  
**And what can I buy with… -second Dollar pops up- TWO rectangles?  
**Bree: Er… cheap jewelry?  
**NO! YOU FAIL!1!!1!  
Now, tell me… what can I buy with TWO rectangles?  
**Random little girl: A BUS RIDE!  
**That's right! YOU GETS A COOKIE! –poof! A cookie appears-**  
Little girl: A FRENCH FRY! –chomp-  
Bree: Gaaaaahh!! I'M THIRSTY. Come here, little girl… I have cookies. Lots and lots of cookies… you want some?  
Little girl: -backs away with her cookie- MOLESTER VAN!  
Bree: No, not molester van. I have cookies!  
Little girl: I LIKE PANTSUITS! –poof-  
**…Okay, was that Colty (From Cute with Chris) or was that the random little girl as seen on AFN commercials?  
**Bree: Not sure. BUT DANGIT! YOU MADE MY DINNER RUN AWAY!

**Bree… 'Eh kid, IMMA COMPUTAH! STOP ALL THE DOWNLOADING!  
**Bree: UHHHH…  
**Bree… HELP COMPUTAH!**  
Bree: GAH!  
**Bree… she thinks at the speed of brain.  
**Bree: No, really? You don't say? –rolls eyes-  
**Bree…. EEEEEMOOO THE SNOWMAN! He's a melancholy soul! With a tuft of black hair and scars everywhere and eyeliner made from coal….**  
Bree: … That song was mind-numbing.  
**Do you like it? It's a work in progress… I think it's coming along pretty well. (A/N: This is true. Ash and her mother are working on Emo the Snowman… which they own, 'foos.)  
**Bree: Well, I don't. Like I said, mind-numbing. Now, LET ME DRRIIINKKK SOMETHING RED A-  
-The Kool-Aid man busts though a random wall…in the middle of a forest? Weirdness-  
All: GASP! IT'S THE KOOL-AID MAN!  
Kool-Aid man: OH YEAH!  
Bree: Not what I had in mind for "red thirst-quenching liquid"… but it'll suffice. It's coming out of a freaking living pitcher of punch, so it should serve as blood, right? –takes out giant straw- IT'S KOOL-AID TIMMME!!  
Kool-Aid Man: … :O OH NO!  
Bree: BWAHAHAHAHAHA! –drinks out of Kool-Aid Man's head-

**Well, that's our show, folks! Well, actually… first, we must see what color Bree's eyes turn! Sure, they turn red from human blood, and they turn gold from animal blood, but what will they turn for Kool-Aid?  
Wait… they're… they're…  
LIME GREEN!?  
**  
Bree: Wha? –looks in a random mirror- HOLY MANSEX! MY EYES ARE LIME GREEN!

**… GAH.  
**

Sam: IT'S NOT OOOVVEEERRR! Gotta do it right this time ar-  
-tackled-  
**GAH.**  
-Poof-  
--------------------------  
GAH! That was insane. Probably not very good, but we tried. Several references to AFN commercials, the GI Joe PSA's, Kingdom Hearts, and several other pieces of brain-rotting stuff. Gaaaahbage, if you will.  
And if you have any suggestions for Ash's "Emo the Snowman" song, be sure to tell us!  
Other than that… END FO NOW, FOOS!

_DISCLAIMER: WE DO NOT OWN ANYTHING IN THIS FANFIC EXCEPT FOR EMO THE SNOWMAN , "WHAT THE- FRANK?!" AND CALLED FOR. We are not profiting from this work of fiction… blah blah blah. For more on what we don't own, see previous chapter's disclaimers. Thank you for your transaction._


	33. Jacob part DEUX!

"You're not in this alone. Let me break this awkward silence, let me go! Go on record, be the first to say I'm sorry, hear me out…"

TODAY IS SKYLINES AND TURNSTILES DAY.

However, many people recognize it as September 11th. The day of the Twin Tower Attack. Look, we're not here to tell you what a tragedy it was, because you know that. We're here to educate you on another aspect of 9/11…. If you want to do something in remembrance, listen to the song "Skylines and Turnstiles" by My Chemical Romance. It's ABOUT September 11th, and it's pretty darn good.

And in case you missed it, yesterday was Mikey Way's birthday. He's 27. HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY, MIKEY!

Ash: Seriously, guys, listen to the song. I personally mark this day as the beginning of My Chemical Romance… you see, Gerard saw the twin towers falling (as well as the bodies falling from those towers), wrote Skylines and Turnstiles, then formed My Chemical Romance…. I mean, sure, MCR wasn't formed until a few months after the fact, but whatever. And so, to honor My Chem, I have been listening to nothing but their first album ("I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love") with particular influence on Skylines and Turnstiles.  
In other news, Holly just saw The Used. She says it was traumatic, because she witnessed a bunch of ladies flashing Bert. And because of that, I lost what tiny microscopic bit of respect I had for Bert. It was also her first time with a floor ticket. No, she didn't pass out in the pit like I predicted, but she took quite a beating. And saw some guys smoking pot. xD  
The reason that Holly is not telling you this? Because we've been having some trouble communicating, due to the different time zones and such. Plus, I've been very moody lately…. Since you'll be reading this later Holly, I know I've been awfully mean lately, so SORRY!!

"This broken city sky, like butane on my skin. Stolen from my eyes. Hello angel, tell me where are you? Tell me where we go from here."

ALRIGHT! ENOUGH WITH THE 9/11-NESS…. Ohmigawd. I just realized that for Kingdom Hearts, 9/11 would be a DemyxMarluxia pairing! EWWWWWWW!!! Marluxia doesn't deserve Demyx…. He can go pollinate a flower or something! GOSH!

WARNING: This chapter might be offensive to some, and might make you want to bleach your brain. Read with caution. Also, this chapter **will be taken down shortly tomarrow for editing.**  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

**TODAY'S VICTIM IS… -DRUMROLL- SAM!**  
Sam: You've already done me.  
**Oh, really? Oh…. Okay, then, today's victim is….. THATONERANDOMGUYTHATGOESTOBELLA'SSCHOOL**!  
Sam: He couldn't be here today. He has the flu.  
**Oh, I'm sorry to hear that….. in that case, today's victim issssss…….. –DRUMROLL- can we do Brady?**  
Sam: 'Fraid not, he's out protecting the Res.  
**GAHHHHHH! IS THERE ANYONE WHO ISN'T BUSY, SICK, OR JUST PLAIN AGGRAVATING THAT CAN BE TORTURED TODAY?!**  
-Everyone we've ever interviewed backs away except for Waffles-  
**Ah! Waffles! YOU'LL DO!**  
Waffles: -wimper-  
**Be quiet, Jacob**!  
Waffles: BARK, BARK, RUFF, RUFF, CHIRP!!! Meow, woof woof HOWWWWWL. (Translation: WHY DON'T YOU SHUT UP!? Besides, I thought you already did my interview?!)  
**Yes, but you have changed quite a bit since New Moon.**  
Waffles: HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLLL-'s Moving Castle!  
All: GASP! HE CAN TALK!  
Waffles: I'M A REAL BOY! Uh… I mean, WOOF.  
Ohhhhh…kaaaayyy….. riiiigggghhtt….. LET'S START THIS!

KNOW YOUR STARS….KNOW YOUR STARS….KNOW YOUR STARS….Konw Yuor Srats…. JACOB WAFFLES…. He's the uke….. GASP.  
Jacob: … woof. (Translation: EWWWWWWWW)  
Admit it.  
Jacob: WOOF WOOF WOOF W-  
Oh, for crissake, Jacob! Can't you just change back?!  
Jacob: …gr. (Translation: No.)  
Okay, now you're just being ridiculously stubborn. CHANGE. BACK.  
Jacob: GRRRRRRRRR!!  
Sam, do the orders.  
Sam: Jake, I order you to change back NOW.  
Jacob: whimper…. –POOF-  
Bella: OHMIGAWD! –turns around and covers eyes-  
…You knew that was going to happen. Don't act so Tohru Honda about it.  
Bella: OH SHUT UP! I DIDN'T THINK HE _COULD_ CHANGE BACK!  
-Jacob winds up in an outfit somehow… no, he didn't even change into it-

JACOB BLACK…. Is now officially an emo kid.  
Jacob: I am not. –does the Emo Flick©, and his bangs return to their place in front of his left eye.-  
Jacob Black… hey, what brand of eyeliner is that?  
Jacob: I'm not wearing eyeliner.  
Jacob Black…. Did you know that they used to wear eyeliner in like, India and stuff to protect their eyes from the intense sunlight?  
Jacob: Yeah, that's why I'm wearing it.  
…Jacob, there IS no sunlight. It's freaking pouring right now.  
Jacob: Uhhh….  
Sam: Well, this is awkward.  
Jacob: Yeah…. Extremely so.  
Jacob Black….. once dressed as a male cheerleader for Ohsakagakuen (Ash: I watch too much freaking Japanese TV… and yes, I spelled that correctly. That is the name of the school they go to on said TV show, and they don't spell it "Osaka"… so don't try to correct me) and joined the rest of the Wolfie Pack and the Cullens (minus Rosalie and Esme, because they had to take pictures of this event… and Lauren, because she was whining too much) dressed as cheerleaders as well and danced to Girlfriend… which was traumatizing, because Alice was the only girl….  
Jacob: Uh, what the CRAP!?

Oh, we can say crap again? Well, anyway… yes! ADMIT IT.  
Jacob: No! I DIDN'T!  
…I really didn't want to have to do this, Jacob.  
Jacob: Do….do what?!  
I'm sorry, but…. ROLL THAT BEAUTIFUL BEAN FOOTAGE!  
_All of the guys in the Wolfie Pack and all of the Cullen guy as well as Alice were in that one meadow where the Cullens play baseball. They were dressed in white outfits that had "Ohsaka Gakuen" written in blue on the front. They were all holding blue and white pom-poms…. And then…  
_"HEY, HEY, YOU, YOU, I DON'T LIKE YOUR GIRLFRIEND!"  
_And they all started their weird routine… the camera was focused mostly on Jacob and Edward.  
_  
Oh...my….god… if I actually had eyes, they would be burning right now.  
Edward: (through clenched teeth) HOW CAN YOU SEE IT THEN?  
Jacob: H-how did you get that footage? –trembling all over-  
Leah: -snickers- It's amazing what you can do when everyone is pre-occupied by a bunch of guys and a pixie dancing to Girlfriend….  
Sam: Leah… you are SO dead. –also trembling-  
Leah: So, when do I get my pretzels?  
In due time…  
Edward: Wait, wait, wait, WAIT. SHE GETS PRETZLES FOR EMBARRASING ME?!  
Pretty much.

Edward: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I FREAKING HATE YOU ALL! –Poof! EMO HAIR'D! EYELINER'D!-  
Bella: Oh, GREAT GOING! You made him emo! THANKS A LOT!!!

JACOB BLACK… is really a girl who calls herself "Mizuke" who's pretending to be a boy to attend Ohsakagakuen, and somehow has everyone completely fooled, when it's so obvious that he's a girl.  
Jacob: What the crap!?  
I have proof of that too, if you don't choose to 'fess up.  
Jacob: WHAT?! SHOW ME THIS PROOF.  
…Wow, let it be known that… ON THIS 11TH DAY OF SEPTEMBER, 2007, JACOB BLACK WILLINGLY EMBARRASSED HIMSELF! Well, you heard the man! ROLL THAT BEAUTIFUL BEAN FOOTAGE!  
_Jacob is in the bathroom, looking in the mirror… he just can't seem to get that song out of his head! So he grabs a totally random brush starts to sing… _"You love my lady lumps! My humps, my humps, my humps! My humps, they've got you- she's got me speeeendiiin'… ohh, spending all ya' money on me, and spending timmme on me! She's got me speeeeendiiiinn'…"

…What the crap!?  
Jacob: Oh. My. God.  
But there's MORE….

Onneee more….  
A grainy home video! YAYS!

Jacob Black…. STRAPLESS BRAS ARE MURDER!  
Jake: I AM NOT A GIRL FOR CHRISSAKE! STOPIT!  
Well, we're running out of time and Jacob-is-a-tranny jokes, so let's just go with the norm.  
Jacob Black…. Once was dared to put on a manthong that had a spider on the front and dance to a song called Spiderman.

Jacob: NO!  
Jacob Black…. SPINEY LOBSTER!  
Jacob: Wtf?!  
Jacob Black… LEGGO MY EGGO!  
Jacob: Oh… I get it… ha. Ha. Ha.  
Jacob Black… GOT IT MEMORIZED?!  
Jacob: Um… should I?  
Jacob Black…. THE JAPANESE LIKE TO MAKE GLUGGING SOUNDS WHEN THEY DRINK BEER!  
Jacob: No. Way.  
The Smexy Authroesses: MIKEY. WAY.  
Jacob Black… he love pumpkin pie.  
Jacob: That's actually true….

OH CRAP! We really have to go now! Sorry for cutting this short!

-Poof-  
-----------------------  
Sorry, guys, this was going to be a lot longer, but I had to cut it short! I'll make up for it next time. The disclaimer will also be in the next chapter.


	34. KimiChan the Yaoi Fangirl!

_-NOTE: This was posted a day late-_

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

OH MY GOD.

OH MY EFFING CARLISLE. OF ALL THE TIMES ASH CHOOSES NOT TO GO TO THE TOKYO GAME SHOW-!

No, really… read her note-

Ash: OHMYFREAKINGCARLISLE! HUUUUUUUUUUUUGEEEEE KINGDOM HEARTS NEWS RIGHT OUTTA THE TGS! Three new KH games? THREE?! AH! Well, one of us busy Almighty Authoresses will be very busy playing as ROXAS (!!!!), AXEL (!!!!HOMIGAWD, I LOVE AXEL!!!Well, I'm not a psycho fangirl, but I STILL LOVE AXEL!11!!!ONEONE!1!ELEVENELEVENONE!!!11!1!!), XALDIN (meh…), AND/OR SAIX! (GASPGASPGASP!) sometime next year or maybe the year after that.  
Too bad you can't play as Demyx. Man that would be annoying… OR! There's supposedly a 14th Organization member who "appears" to be female… SO YAY! Hopefully, LARXENE ISN'T THE ONLY GIRL ANYMORE!

And so, to celebrate this momentous announcement from everyone's favorite Japanese guys and gals (SQUARE-ENIX: The Stuff Good Games Are Made Of… or, better yet… HAIRGELL: The Stuff Good Square-Enix Games Are Made Of), we will be releasing THREE new things. This chapter, a SPECIAL chapter, and a BRAND SPANKIN' NEW KINGDOM HEARTS FIC! –High fives her Roxas plushy-

For me, it goes Kingdom Hearts: 368/2 Days, then Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep, then Kingdom Hearts: Coded in order of anticipation.

And no, The Dawning of Twilight, I have yet to see Escaflowne, although I have been wanting to for quite some time now.

Holly: Ow. I have a major headache lately from being hit in the head from playing Dodgeball against Seniors and Juniors. From Friday tbhe 28th of September until the 4th of October I will be in South Carolina/ Dollywood in Tennessee.:). It is a quick vacation with my grandma, mom, and sister. I shall be thinking of new things to tell Ash about this..If I can. :. After that trip I shall have a ton of make-up work to do for School. ENJOY!

ON TO THE STORY.

Today's Victim Is… KIM!  
--------------------------------------------

**KNOWZ YAH STARSH! Know yah stars, know your stars… know. Your. Stars. KNOW 'EM- Kim… she owns a chocolate factory.  
**Kim: Ummmmmm….. no.  
**KIM…. Kimi-chan!**

Kim: What?  
**Kimi-chan wants a date with Yuki Sohma-sama!**  
Kim: Who's…. Kimi?  
**HAVE YOU NEVER READ FRUITS BASKET?!**  
All: GASP!  
Emmett: Even I read Fruits Basket, and I don't even LIKE that kind of manga.  
Rosalie: God forbid Emmett read a manga not called "Naruto"… c'mon, Emmy! Let's go kill a bear.  
Emmett: YAY, BEARS!  
-poof-

Kim: … do- do all vampires do that?  
**What, go –POOF-?  
**Kim: Yeah.  
**No, we all do tha- HEEEY! I'M THE ONE ASKING THE QUESTIONS, NOT YOU!  
KIMI-CHAN…. Is a cucumber!**  
Kim: Hey, I'm not a vegitable! And quit calling me Kimi-chan!  
**Fine… KIMI THE LEMON…. Let us all unite under the revolution of the pants.  
**Kim: UMMMMM-  
Embry: UMMM-  
Quil: UMMMM-  
Waffles: GRRRR- (translation: UHHHH---)

**Kim… your language is very poetic.**  
Kim: But- aren't we both speaking English?  
**T.T SHUT UP! I SAID I'M ASKING QUESTIONS, NOT YOU!**  
Kim… BARBIE DREAM CASTLE!

Kim: Actually, I live in a duplex full of BUNNIES.  
**…What?! That was…. Uh… wow….**  
**KIM… I said shut up when I'm talkin' to you. D'you hear me? ANSWER ME!**  
Kim: Muffins!  
**She's throwing me off!  
****Kim… "I will disappear from this world in 151 days."**  
Kim: EH?!  
**All hail Roxas….all hail Roxas….**  
Kim: Oh! I totally love Roxas too! What do you love most about Roxas?  
Voice-In-Thoughts: _**… Crap. She's totally throwing me off! No one asks the voice questions! What should I do…? Ah, I know! The ULLLLTIMATE TEST**_!  
Kim-In-Thoughts: _Wow! I'm totally throwing the voice off! I will be the third to come out of this un-embarrassed! HURRAH!  
_**Kim… I want a Manwich please.**  
Sam: That's gross.  
**Pervert.  
**Kim: -SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEE- Oh… OH NO. –nosebleed-

Everyone: EW!  
**Oh… my…. Do I- Do I even want to **_**know**_**?  
**Kim: I… it's… allergies! Uh, yeah! Allergies…right…. Ehehehe!  
**No it isn't!**  
Kim: Yes it is!  
**Alright, prove it!**  
Kim: How do I-  
**MANWICH!  
**Kim: OHMIGAWD! –nosebleed-  
AH-HA!  
Everyone: GASP!

Jared: I can't believe-  
Kim: NO! It's- it's not what it looks like!  
Jared: That you…  
Kim: NO!  
Jared: Are….  
Bella: Oh, god. Do I have to watch?  
Edward: Yes.  
Jared: A….  
Jasper: STOPIT, DANGIT! The mood swings of this place are freaking outrageous!  
Jared: YAOI FANGIRL?!  
Kim: -cries-  
Jared: -twitch, twitch, beeping noises- Kim. Why-didn't-you-tell-me-you-were-a-yah-wee-fan-girl?  
**Oh god… why is he talking like a robot?  
**Kim: Because he's Hot Like (A) Robot! NEH-NEH!  
Jared: I-happen-to-be-a-very-under-standing-yah-wee-fangirl-too!  
Kim: R-really?! Oh, Jared! –hug-

**What the hell?!**  
Bella: WHAT?!  
-Edward, Jasper, Alice, and the rest of the Wolfie Pack fall on the ground laughing-  
Bella: What?!  
-No response, more laughter-  
Bella: -looks up and shakes fist as the celing- WHY, AUTHORESSES?! WHY AM I _ALWAYS _THE LAST TO KNOW!?!  
**-Sigh- Waffles, please explain the situation to Bella.**  
Waffles: Woof… woof ruff arf-arf bark growl HOWWWWWWWLLLLL, IT'S BACON! (Translation: Well… remember how I said that whenever one of us imprints, we become whatever the person we imprinted on needs? Well… Kim needed an understanding yaoi fangirl apparently.)

Bella: Okay, I get that much, but why is he acting like a robot?

**So, Kim, what two guys were you thinking about?**  
Kim: I- I don't know if I should tell you…  
Ash: Hey, it's me, one of the authoresses!  
Bella: MY PRAYERS HAVE BEN ANSWERREEEEEDD! So, tell me-  
Ash: All in due time. As I was getting ready to say for a confidence boost… being a yaoi fangirl is perfectly fine and natural! It just proves that you're straighter than a pole! I'm not much of a yaoi fangirl, but I do love shonen-ai.  
Holly: …ew. You like ga-  
Ash: Yes, yes I do. There is a puke bucket over there if you wish to throw up your lunch at the prospect of the gay couples you will now be thinking about.  
Holly: Okay. –BARF-  
BACK TO THE STORY….  
Kim: Well….  
Jared: Trust-me. It-is-ve-ry-na-tu-ral, just-as-the-au-thor-dis-cribed-it.  
Kim: Well…. I was thinking about…. –sigh- AKUROKU, OKAY?! And then Yuki and Haru! And just now… ehehe…. –nosebleed- LOVELESS! I LOVE LOVELESS!  
Edward: -chokes on a pretzel-  
Jasper: -sweatdrop-  
Ash: My work here is done. QUE THE MARY SUE! –POOF-  
Holly: I'm taking the bucket with me. –poof-  
Jared: Well, that-can-not-be-good… hold-me, my-beautiful-queen-of-yaoi.  
Kim: -sigh- I luffles you.  
-HUG!-

-Suddenly, a distraught Mary Sue with long brown hair and fair skin storms over to Jared, and in her perfect voice, she says…-  
Mary Sue: J- JARED! HOW COULD YOU?! I thought we had something SPECIAL!  
Jared: Dude, I've never even SEEN you before!  
Mary Sue: WAHH –cries her perfect, beautiful tears-  
Jared: Dude, what the hell?!  
Mary Sue: BE GONE, WEREWOLF! –rips off Jared's head to reveal-…  
All: GASP! HE WAS A ROBOT!  
Kim: Why of course! It's the Stepford Wives all over again!  
Bella: Oh brother….

Kim: Now, I will kiss my rowbot boyfreend's head and be ELECTROMACUTED! Rotfl;  
Edward: There were so many grammatical errors in that sentence that _my _head almost popped off!  
**Seriously. Oh, no, SHE'S ACTUALLY GOING TO DO IT!**  
-smooch-  
-BOOM!-

Jacob: Oh my god, you killed Jared!  
Sam: YOU BASTARD!

**Uh, well…. That's all the time we have for today! Teenagers scare the living shit out of me!  
Thank you and GOODNIGHT! Seeya next time!**

-POOF-

-----------------------  
Okay, on to the NEXT CHAPTER! Sorry if it seemed really dumb… our brains aren't working on all ten cylinders. Wow, that's a lot of cylinders!


	35. Ash's Ritsu style Apology

Ohmigawd.

I am SO, SOOOOOO SORRY! I just felt the need to tell you this…

Remember that special chapter that we were supposed to write and post? Well, unfortunately, I can't post it. Why? Because I need Holly here for it, and Holly is on vacation.

Now, some of you are probably going, "There are two of you! Why can't you just write it while she's gone? I'm sure you're a brilliant enough authoress to do it all on your own!"

If you are thinking that, I applaud you for the ego boost. I really needed it, anyway. xD But I can't, because 1. I need Holly for this particular chapter and 2. It just wouldn't be _the same_ without Holly.

But I promise you that it will not only be fun to read, but it will either embarrass the crap out of the authoresses or prove that we've got the balls to do this kind of stuff, in whatever way that applies to two females… well, I guess it COULD apply, if you really think about it… but I won't give the anatomy lesson on it. If you're dying to know, pick up a science textbook and flip to the anatomy section.

And, for the two or three people who might've actually wanted to read my first posted dramatic-ish story and songfic (to the tune of Muse and Kingdom Hearts), it will still be going up, but you'll have to wait until Holly gets home.

In the meantime, I am answering your reviews with my personal account. So if you get a PM from "DiZenchanted", don't delete it.

Until then, I bid thee farewell and leave you with this little preview of what's to come.

PEACE, LOVE, AND CHEMICAL ROMANCE!

-Ash-

PS: BUY THE _The Umbrella Academy Apocalypse Suit 1: The Day the Eiffel Tower Went Berserk _TODAY! I've read it. It was pretty interesting. xD And that was my daily My Chem-related mentioning.

* * *

PREVIEW FOR THE SPECIAL CHAPTER: Included AIM Excerpt (yes, we actually talk about dumb crap like this. You're just lucky it wasn't about the organic Cheerios...) 

**Ash: **Why did I just picture Mater after you said that with a name tag on that said "Hello, my name is BELLAAAH."  
**Holly: **LOL!  
**Holly: **Because in the movie he says 'she just likes me for my body'  
**Ash: **And when I was reading that part about Bella curling her mustache... I had a vivid mental image...  
**Holly: **Me too Lolll.  
**Ash: **I could see her with a monocle and a curly mustache, and Edward in a pink dress with the Wendy's wig on, screaming "BAACOOOOOONN!!!" and Bella going "MUAHAHAHAHAAH."  
**Holly: **XD.  
**Ash: **I need to stop watching TV or my brain will fall out.


	36. Vengence is Sweet

THREE CHEERS FOR SWEET REVENGE.

Ash: We're sorry about the major delays with this chapter. I'm failing math and I've had a tooonnn of homework lately. Holly has been grounded for a bit, and I haven't gotten to talk to her lately. In other news, I had yakisoba for lunch. I had a bit of my friend Caroline's yakisoba the other day, and it tasted good then. It smelled good when I made it, until I actually added the seasoning and stuff. And then I actually sat down to eat it and it tasted HORRIBLE. Can anyone explain this phenomenon to me?

With this chapter comes my songfic, so be on the lookout for that. xD That was really rushed, and I've been delaying the time to properly edit it, so it might look a little out of whack when I finally get it posted. That's alright, though. Right?

On another note, I've tried two new interesting flavors of ice cream: Milk and grape and pumpkin/vanilla swirl. They were both awesome, despite what you might think.

And finally, these are the songs that I can now play on the piano: Welcome to the Black Parade, Hikari/Simple and Clean, Roxas's theme, Destiny Islands, Disenchanted, I Don't' Love You, Wake Me up When September Ends (I have an American Idiot songbook! MUAHAHAHAHA!), Frere Jacques, Ode to Joy (well, part of it at least), Air (I stole the sheet music from my teacher… I'm so bad), Auld Lang Syne (I mess up a lot, though) and most recently, Grim Grinning Ghosts. Yes, the _The Haunted Mansion _song. OWNED.

PEACE, LOVE, AND CHEMICAL ROMANCE.  
-Ash-

HOLLY: Soo. My life has been pretty hectic lately, as this is my freshman year of High School. I have been busy getting my stupid Spanish 1 grade up to a B which never happened so my report card grades are a-b and 1 C. The c was a 79. HOW FANTASTIC IS THAT[Sarcasm This is homecoming week, which is the dance I'm avoiding as I'm a loner, so that means this is the week we dress up and such. Today was tacky day and all that I did for that is crappy makeup. Next is Character Day and I am being Hermione Granger as I have the costume and nothing could make me be a Cullen as their unbelievably gorgeous and that would never be successful for meh.

MUSE, BLOOD, AND CHEMICAL ROMANCE.  
-Holly Hysteria.

**WARNING: This chapter might be the worst ever. It fails with intensity. Oh, and there is a HIGHLY IMPORTANT NOTE AT THE END! So read it, 'foos.**  
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"Bella?! Bella, come quickly!" Edward grabbed Bella's arm, pulling her in the direction of the green room.

"Edward, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, something great is getting ready to happen!"

And so they arrived in the green room. Everyone there stopped what they were doing to say hi to Bella and Edward, then turned their attention to Jacob, who was in Waffles form. Which meant that Edward had to translate for him. 

"Bark. Woof woof, purr, woof woof."

Everyone gave an expectant look in Edward's direction. "He said that he's tired of being made a fool of, and now he hates me for my good censorship of his highly explicit original wording. Stupid mutt."

"Growl."

"I happen to take offense to that, Waffles." Edward crossed his arms and glared at Jacob. If looks could kill, Jacob would most definitely be dead. And on that note, apologies to the fans who really hate Jacob.

"HOOOOOWWWLLL!"

"My personal life is not relevant to this conversation, Waffles."

"GRRR!"

"No, YOUR momma, Jacob."

Everyone else in the room was just staring at the arguing pair in utter "WTF" mode. If any normal person without any knowledge about Twilight and its characters were to walk in on this scene, they'd see to it that Edward got locked in an asylum. The two continued their banter, leaving everyone to glare. Finally, Sam interjected.

"Alright, can you PLEASE STOP!? I would like to get to the friggin' point this year."

Jacob left the room for a moment, and came back as his normal self. "As I was going to say, I'm personally sick of being humiliated and treated like a servant in this fanfiction. Seriously, WTF?! Is anyone else sick of it?"

A murmur of agreement went through the room. "I say, we get revenge! WHO'S WITH ME!?!"

Everyone let out a cry of "HECK YES!"

Jacob beamed. "That's the spirit! Alright, so, what are we gonna do to get revenge?"

There was a dead silence all across the room. No one had any clue whatsoever how to get revenge on The Almighty Voice, or whoever was responsible for their ever-humiliating situations. And then, Carlisle remembered something important…

He gasped and shouted, "Of course! The authors!"

Jacob smacked his forehead. "Why didn't I think of that?! Okay, everyone, get as MUCH information on the authors as possible! Meet me back here with any info you can find in three hours!"

Everyone left to hack, look up, stalk, and poke into our lives. Three hours later, they DID return to find a waiting Jacob.

"Alright, everyone, what've we got?"

Jasper held up a packet of papers full of AIM conversations, Sam offered up a long list of songs found on their playlists (A/N: Ash's playlist can be found on a link in our profile. A lot of those songs are used in the making of this fic…), Lauren threw a piece of paper at Jacob and stalked over to a plush couch, Edward began to ramble off some of the authors' totally random thoughts and the more disturbing of their dreams (A/N: AkuRoku is becoming a reoccurring topic in my dreams [says Ash…. Isn't that bad? Why can't I go for the NORMAL shonen-ai pairing [SoRiku… xD? I mean, really…), Bella held up a page stolen from a few journals, and Emmett held up a few pages printed off from their blogs.

Jacob rubbed his hands together greedily, "Exxxceeelleeennnt…. ALRIGHT, EVERYONE! LET'S MAKE A LIST OF THE MOST EMBARASSING STUFF! WE NEED BLACKMAIL, PEOPLE, BLACKMAIL!" Jasper gave an incredulous look in response and shook his head.

"Man, Edward," he said to his brother. "I never thought I'd be taking orders from this pup."

"Seriously."

And the mob of characters from our lovely Twilight/New Moon/Eclipse fandom got in a close huddle around a very large sheet of paper, shouting out things for Jacob to scribble down in purple Sharpie…  
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TO BE CONTINUED.

**-IMPORTANT! PLEASE READ!-  
We are sorry to say this, but it appears that this story is coming to a close. The author's lives are getting very busy, we're running out of ideas, and to top it all off, Ash is starting NaNoWriMo soon. Any bit of spare imagination needed for this story will have been used up on her novel. Holly is also extremely busy. She's got people to see, places to go, concerts to attend, and dances and football games to successfully avoid. And we've got a toonnn of work to do.**

**We will be going from Aro to Called For, and then to the Authoresses. Unless you guys have a better idea. Speak now (in reviews) or forever hold your peace. Ash will get back to your reviews as fast as she can… which might mean this weekend with the way things are turning out.**

XOXO,  
Holly and Ash


	37. WTF is UP wit DAT!

'ello everyone. This is Holly here! -waves-

So, pretty much here is a quick update on how the story is going to go.

We are not sure what direction we are going to go in since there is not really any characters left to make fun of .

Right now at the moment Holly is still attempting to grasp the Spanish language while living in Florida. Ash is still overseas and being herself.

I may make some Disney reference if we do make another chapter. As I, Holly, am heading to Disney World for the 8th time at the end of march.

So, from that all said, leave some good reviews on how you think the story should go!

Sincerely,

Holly and Ash

Aka: GhostsInTheSnow

**UPDATEUPDATEUPDATE!**

Ash says...

YES, WE'RE CONTINUING! I'LL STICK WITH THIS STORY INTO MY GRAVE IF I HAVE TO! You see... we just haven't been very inspired lately is all. I'm going through a very, very, VERY rough time right now, dealing with depression and nihilism. My new favorite word is "monotony".

Not pleasant.

I started on Phil and Renee's chapter several times, but was never quite able to finish it. No, seriously. I never got passed The Suns's thing... (BASEBALL'S NEVER BEEN HOTTER THAN THE JACKSONVILLE SUNS!)

And if there are any of you out there who didn't know... yes, the Suns ARE a real team. x I LOVE The Suns! Mainly because I'm _from_ Jacksonville, but whatever.

You know, speaking of Jax, I am a tad disappointed with how Stephenie Meyer wrote Bella's trip to Jacksonville. All they did was walk on the beach. Big deal! Dude, they could've went to Douglace Anderson and/or Lavilla's Showcase, or shopping, or to effing FIVE GUYS BURGERS! CLARK'S FISH CAMP! REGENCY SQUARE MALL! ADVENTURE LANDING! GAAHHH! Sooo many places, and I miss them all... TT-TT

I digress.

Alright, well, we're working on Phil and Renee's chapter. Slowly but surely. If you want to blame it on something, blame the writer's strike. xD

-Ash-


	38. Bloody Baseball Pancakes

Baseball's never been hotter than the Jacksonville SUNS:D  
---A/N---

You have every right to charge at us with pitchforks, maces, warhammers, a Trojan horse, a stolen yellow Porche, a hand grenade, a trident, a pissed off cat, and a heap of poorly written yaoi lemons (however, as to who gets to attack us with what… well, you'll have to decide amongst yourselves).  
We haven't updated (a REAL update, that is) in like, months. Not since the Unholy Month of NaNoWriMo, to be exact. Yeah, it's been like… almost four months now. As long as the Writer's Strike… O.O I'm sorry, but we've been in the Doldrums, fanfic-wise, and haven't had too many great ideas.  
However, thanks to increasing apathy school-wise freeing up time wasted on homework, we can write again! Plus, we've been _slowly_ re-gaining inspiration. I mean, we aren't crazy factories like we previously were… but we've got some stuff to work with. Now, on to the INDIVIDUAL A/N's!

ASH: I recently acquired a tablet and have been drawing fanart like… well, not crazy… but, nonetheless, I've been drawing. I started to draw Alice, even. I mean, I'm really slow at the speed of DRAW, for some reason, so it might take awhile to finish (because I'm notorious for starting something, getting bored, doing something else, getting bored with that, and continuing in a full circle until all tasks are completed… between a week and a year later. -.-) I've also been working on a few fanfictions that will never get read by anyone, just for fun. :D

Oh, and I've found inspiration through Youtube and Epic Saturdays, in which my friend and I go to random places in Yokohama and chill.

HOLLY: I recently have been doing tons of Walt Disney World research. I am going from March 29th until April 1st. I live in Florida so this is very easy. This will be my 9th trip to WDW and I am very excited for it. I am finally passing spanish and match and history so it is all good on the homefront. While Ash has been drawing on her new tablet, I have been spending mindless hours on my guitar hero, shopping, and reading. I have over 130 books that I just counted so I have my own collection. My Twilight book fell apart. The cover and first page fell off so I am in need of buying a new copy of it. For now, you can say that MYSPACE has basically taken over my life so, beware!

Disclaimer at the end!  
--------------------------------  
DOUBLE-FEATURE! Phil AND Renée!

**KNOW YOUR STARS. KNOW YOUR STARS. KNOW YOUR STARS. STARS YOUR KNOW. YOUR STARS KNOW. YOUR KNOW STARS. Phil... can you please sign my baseball?  
**Phil: Uh, sure!  
**Oh, THANK YOUU! I love the Suns! n.n**

**BASEBALL'S NEVER BEEN HOTTER THAN THE JACKSONVILLE SUNS:D  
**  
Phil: Wow… the voice is a fan?  
**Oh HECK yes! Best minor league team EVER! I really like it when you beat the Biscuits. :D****  
**Renée: Uh… over here, please!  
**Ah, yes! Sorry! Renée… SHE LIVES IN MIANUS, MIKEYA, JAPAN!**  
Renée: No. No, as a matter of fact, I do _not_ live in Mianus.  
**RENEE! Do you deny that there is a train in Mianus?  
**Renée: O.o Rather not answer that…  
**Of course, of course… chicken-wuss.**  
**PHIL… Lose control at increasing pace. Warped and bewitched. Attempt to erase. Whatever they say. These people are torn. Wild and bereft. Assassin is born. Yeaaaah…. GO!  
**Phil: Um… okay?  
**RENEE… owns a PMS'ing unicorn named Adelaide!  
**Renée: Uh… what?  
**Renée… is in denial!  
**Reh-nay-nay: What is there to deny?  
**Phil… OF THE FUTURE!**

-COLLECTIVE GASP!-

Phil: -.- How did I not see that coming?  
**Because you are more Epimetheus than Prometheus.** (A/N: In Greek/Roman mythology… Prometheus had foresight.. Epimetheus didn't.)  
Phil: Oh, yes, because it's SOOO possible to be able to see the future. –OOC MOMENT! HOLY CRAP!-  
Alice: -cough-

**Renée MUST HAVE TACOS! Or she'll explode…  
**Rah-ney-ney: Now, I can see someone exploding if they had eaten tacos, but if they hadn't…?  
**PHIL… owns a Stallion Duck named Ienzo!  
**Phil: Do NOT! Wait… what _is_ a Stallion Duck?  
**THIS!**  
-9 ft. tall duck crashes through the wall and lets out a tremendous quack-  
Phil: HOLY CRAP!  
**Preci- JASPER! GET AWAY FROM THAT DUCK RIGHT THIS INSTANT!  
**Jasper: -stops petting Ienzo- Awww! But _why_?!  
**DON'T ASK. JUST DO WHAT I SAAAAYYY! WaaaFLLEEES!**

-Jacob bounds into the scene-  
Waffles: Woooof?  
**Please rip Japer to shreds.  
**-POOF-  
Jacob: -evil grin- With _pleasure_…  
Jasper: O.O OH CRAP!

Alice: Oh NO YOU DON'T! –trips Jacob-  
Jacob: … OWWWIEEEEEE!!! –fetal position- MEANIEHEAD! –cries-  
**…Holy crap, Alice.  
**Alice: -smiles proudly- You're welcome. –grabs Jasper by the collar and walks away-

**…Mmmkay then…  
RENEE... She doesn't care that Bella is going to become a vampire! She's known that Edward was one all along! She's also known that Jacob is a werewolf, and that fried pickles are quite tasty.  
**Ruh-nae-nae: Well, that last part, I can agree with… but… WHAAAT?! I mean, that would explain quite a bit, but… WHAATT?! –Confusion-  
Edward: Well… I must admit, this is going over better than when Charlie found out…  
Carlisle: I agree, but now all of America has had this fact confirmed, and we're going to have to move away to like, Antarctica so no one can stalk us.  
Edward: Ahh, excellent point…  
Bella: Well, I'm glad you two can be so _casual_ about this!!! Mom is going into HYSTERICS. Jeeze…  
Renée: -twitchspasm- AHHH! AAAHHHHHH! AH! YOU--- DEAD! VAMPIRE! DEAD!! PIIIICKLLLEEESSS! –falls over-

Somewhere, right now, someone is ramming their head into the wall repeatedly.

Phil: SUPPORT MECHANISM ACTIVATED! I SHALL SAVE YOU, RENEE! –picks Renée up off the floor, bridal-style-  
-Charlie stalks on to the scene-

**Ohhhh sugar cookies…  
**  
Edward: Soo… Carlisle… how about those Canadians? –takes a sip from a random cup of mountain lion blood-  
Carlisle: Yeah… about those Canadians… -sips from a glass of bear blood-  
Emmett: Dad… you're drinking my blood aggaaaain. –Whine-  
Charlie: I-ISSAABEELLAA MARRIEEE SWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNN!!!  
Bella: AREN'T YOU TWO GOING TO DO SOMETHING?! MY DAD IS EITHER GOING TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK, SHOOT UP THE PLACE, OR LAUNCH INTO THE NEVER-ENDING SCREAMING FIT OF PUNISHMENT HERE!!!  
Edward: …Well, I'll protect you from him, however… Carlisle?  
Carlisle: Yes. You see, we find that it's best to fire people on a Friday. There's a much lower risk of confrontation. We try to avoid confrontation at all costs. –sip-  
Bella: Helpful. –Sarasm-  
Emmett: NNNOOOOO! STOP DRINKING MY BLOOOOD!  
Rosalie: Emmett… -sigh- Come on. We'll go get some more blood if it bothers you that much.  
Emmett: … OKAY!  
-Initiate walk-off-into-the-backstage-sunset!-  
Charlie: You are DEAD. I will see to it that you become a crazy cat lady-slash-spinster and NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE AGGAAAIIIN!!! Becoming a vampire… how dare you!  
Bella: …  
Renée: And it's ALL YOOOUUUR FAULT for letting those two stay together!  
Charlie: MY FAULT?! MMMYYYY FAULT?!

-huge verbal tiff-

**…Alright, let's get this crap back on track. Since Renée seems quite occupied, let's bother Phil.**

**PHIL… is a proctologist and therefore drives a brown Probe.**  
Phil: …HAHAHA!  
**PHIL… his hobbies include torturing, killing, breeding, and creating Sims.  
**Phil[INSERT NERVOUS GESTURE HERE …N-no! Now, why would you say that? …Hehehe?  
**PHIL… has created a Sims 2 Nightlife-style crematorium out of an empty room (separate from a house), an archway (remove-able, of course), and some of those really stupid insti-death fireball machines… whatever they're called.  
**Phil: …AlRIGHT! FINE! I'VE DONE IT!! But do you have the _slightest_ idea just how _annoying_ it is to have nosy Sim neighbors running by, stealing your gnomes and newspapers and knocking down your trashcans?! GNOMES AND NEWSPAPERS, PEOPLE! GNNOOOMEEES AND NEEWSSPAPERS!

**PHIL… is an expert in STF.**  
Phil: …What's STF?  
**Slips, Trips, and Falls.**  
Phil: Oh. Well, yeah, I guess…?  
**PHIL… knows how to swear in Japanese and does it often!  
**Phil: No. I don't swear, anyway. Especially not in other languages.  
**… ANATA BAKA OKAMA!** ("You're a stupid fag" in Japanese)  
Phil: -gasp- DAMARE-YO! ("Shut up" in Japanese)  
**Pssh. Yowa-mushi.** ("Weakling" in Japanese)

OWNED!

…Not.

**So, anyway…**

**PHIL… PANCAKES!  
**Phil: Oh god… no! NO! ANYHTING BUT THAT!  
**Pancakes! Pancakes, pancakes. Pancakes?! –fist-slamming-on-table sound- PANCAKES! Pancakes…  
**Phil: GAAAAHHH! twitchspasm  
**MUAHAHAHA! I SHALL TAKE OVER THE WORRRLD WITH THE STUPIDITY OF PAAANCAAKKKEESSS! And cheese… MUAAAHAHAHAHAA!  
PHIL… knows what I mean when I say "Cheese Lust".**  
Phil: -unable to respond-

**Phil… I command you to RESPOND!  
**Phil: -twitch- Pancakes.

-Extreme head-desking action!-

Renée: I don't want to hear from you EVER AGAIN! Come, Bella! We're going to Adventure Landing!  
Bella: But _moooommm_!  
Renée: Oh, fine, Edward can come too… I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING ELSE FROM YOU, THOUGH! AM I CLEAR!?  
Bella: Sure. Fine. Whatever.  
Charlie: Ohhh NO YOU DON'T. GROUNDATION STARTS NOW! –kung-foo grips Bella's left arm-  
Renée: Don't listen to your father, come with ME! –kung-foo grips Bella's right arm-  
-TUG 'O WAAAR!-  
Bella: GAAH! QUIT ITTT!  
Edward: -gently pries Charlie and Renée's arms away and tosses Bella over his shoulder- Come, Bella! We shall go to Disney World, where DREAMS COME TRUE!  
Bella: -sniffles- Will you take pictures in mouse ears with me?  
Edward: Of course! And we shall LOVE IT! I WILL MAKE MOUSE EARS THE HOTTEST FASHION TREND! I AM GODLIKE IN MY BEAUTY! FOR JEEERRRSSSSEEEYYY!!! –takes off-  
Carlisle: Well… that was… random. Has he been fed any pretzels lately?  
Esme: Of course not, Care Bear. We put him through pretzel detox, remember?  
Carlisle: Oh yeeaah…. –takes another sip- Must be the side effects of the detox…

**…Well, I seriously can't think of anything else.  
And NOW YOU KNOW… PHIL AND RENEE!**  
-----------------------  
END  
---------------------------------  
Every time you don't review, Carlisle drinks some of Emmett's Grizzly Blood Supply. And every time he does that, Emmett dies a little on the inside. So, please, save Emmett and review.

Oh, and that was crap. -.-

REVIEWREPLIES!!!  
Alright, since it was getting too hard to answer all of our reviews personally (stupid message limit… rawr…), we've decided to answer them here!  
Or, at least Ash has, since she's in charge of review answers… which she slacks off in quite a bit.

Megan T. Cullen: Holy crapolazilla. You reviewed a lot of chapters, and we thank you profusely for it. xD

xosmnetanox:D Well, we're glad you like it. If you get the time to read the rest of this story, I hope you still like it and don't contemplate suicide for too long from it. xD

NDBailey16: HAHAH! YES! The randomness is geeewd.

Toboesgirl Sayuri: J But the question is… will you have enough TIME to read more? O.o Or maybe that's just me, because I found this great 64 chapter one a few weeks back and still have yet to finish it… -.- (**UPDATE! **As of 2-25-08, I've finished reading it:D)

Insanity's Partner: I KNOW, RIGHT?! Adventure Landing rocks! And oh my god… that ice cube line killed me. xD Why, Bella, WHHHYYY do you feel the need to be such a house potato?!

ichigoxringo: Ah, thankies for the luck-wishing.  
Dude, JAPANESE is hard. Especially when you have to start learning kanji… -shudders- I DESPIIISEEE KANJI! I mean, it's easy to remember and everything but… ugh. I just… hate it.  
Neither names seem to ring a bell… well, the last one kinda does… I shall need to check my handy dandy Yearbook and get back to you on that. xD  
And OHMIGAWD!!! I REMEMBER THAT SOOONG! xDD I was forced to learn a dance to it some time ago… -.-' But oh, jeeze, that song was deeply lodged into my brain afterwards. It's so catchy…

ILOVEVAMPIRES2007: HAI, HAI, HAI!!! Chill. We shall. xD If my brain doesn't completely collapse in on itself like a dead star, I'll get to work on Aro soon. And the pack…

Lobaa: xD Oh, I know the feeling. Once you get into the quadruple negatives, there's no going back…  
And I'm glad you like it. n.n I don't think it's as good as it used to be, but BY CARLISLE, I WILL FINISH IT! –slams fist on desk-

PEACE, LOVE, MUSE, BLOOD, CHEMICAL ROMANCE, AND CHEESE,  
Ash and Holly

DISCLAIMER: _We do not own Twilight or anything else mentioned above. Nope. Nothing. So, please don't sue. We also aren't profiting off of this. But if I had a dollar for every fanfic I wrote... I'd have at least 5000 Yen right now_.


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